Tag: the boy

The boy came home from school today tired and a bit cranky. The Wife commented he should go upstairs and take a quick nap or have a snack, he kind of skulked off, prompting her to say:

“He’s tired; he’s cranky; he’s hungry; he’s …. the boy.”

Yep. Pretty much sums it up.

The boy came home from school today to discover that his sister had received a gift from the other girl in her dance class. He turned to the Wife and said, “Mom, I think Santa has a rule about the number of gifts that you get. The more you receive before Christmas, the less you get on Christmas day.”

Subtle.

The Wife replied “Well, I guess after all the hockey gear you received, you won’t be getting much on Christmas…”

“NO. I mean, I didn’t mean that my sister should get less presents… I was just was thinking…” He trailed off into something unintelligible at that point.

The boy came off the ice from Saturday’s hockey practice visibly upset. Watching him for the final few minutes they were on the ice, it was clear that he was upset. He wasn’t skating hard at all and seemed to be deliberately ignoring the drill he in which he was involved. I’d say he was attempting to be provocative. Thankfully, the coach wasn’t biting.

Turns out he was upset because some of the other kids were laughing at him during one of the drills where he was the goalie. He was also upset because they seemed to have targeted him during one of the other drills where they just kept taking him down anytime he got the puck. He didn’t know what to make of the circumstances- other than that he didn’t like them.

For once, I was on firm ground in counseling him. I’ve suffered through similar circumstances in my time and I’d been hoping something like this would happen. Mental toughness is a valuable trait to acquire and there’s no better opportunity than when you’re made an object of ridicule.

The first rule I told him was, when getting laughed at- ignore it. It would be better if he could come up with a witty remark of some sort, but I think that’s asking a bit much from a 7-year old. I explained that if you let your antagonizer see they are getting to you, then it will only encourage them to continue.

The second thing I explained is that, as long as it’s within the rules give back to them twice as hard. If they bump you down, then go knock them down every chance you get. If you sense them coming up to try and take you down, push them away or shove back. Opponents will use whatever they can to gain an advantage in a direct competition, don’t let them get that advantage. I told him if he kept after them, they’d change their tune in a hurry.

But mostly, I told him outside of my advising him on what he could do to combat the circumstances, I told him I absolutely couldn’t intervene on his behalf. I couldn’t go to the other Dad and ask them to take it easy on him or go and talk to the other boys directly. That course would only make matters worse for the boy. There are some fights he has to wage, and succeed or fail, on his own.

He seemed to be intrigued by the advice. Particularly when I told him he could push back. My guess is it’ll take a time or two more before he remembers and gets a chance to really apply what I told him. Hopefully he doesn’t go overboard when he does. But, we’ll deal with that when, and if, it happens.

It was such a gob smackingly ridiculous accusation, I just turned and walked away from him. Why dignify such a thing with a response?

Last Sunday, the boy had been playing with his DS prior to it being time to go to hockey practice. I’d given him a warning notice that it was getting close to time for him to get ready. Then, the Wife had arrived home and told him it was time to get ready.

He was so upset that he yelled at the Wife, which earned him an early bedtime. That had the predictable consequence of making him more upset. But rather than stop digging the hole he’d made for himself, he redoubled his efforts. So he declared he didn’t want to go to hockey practice.

It’s Souvenir Week at the kid’s school. We parents got to sign up for a 30 minute reading slot where we’d, well, read a book to the class and then hand out some piece of memorabilia related to the book. I signed up for the very first slot (wanted to set the bar high, ahem…) this morning, the Wife is signed up for a Wednesday slot.

I opted to read Chapter 4 from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Figured it was about the right length and was interesting enough (that’s where Harry first meets Hagrid out on that rock with the Dursleys) that the kids would enjoy it. Having finished up, I’d guess I was right. There was some fidgeting towards the end, but held there attention pretty well. The favorite part was when Dudley got his pig tail- they laughed at that part. Proof they were paying attention.

Some notes in no particular order:

• All the kids knew about Harry Potter- not surprising.
• Almost all of them had seen the movie- surprising! (to me anyway)
• About half didn’t know it was book before a movie- not surprising.
• Reading out loud with Hagrid’s accent is difficult.
• Without practice, it’s difficult to read the story aloud while giving each character their own voice.

That’s supposed to be a wizard’s hat next to the book. That was my ‘souvenir’ for the kids. They got a kick out of that too.

The Kiss had nothing to do with anything. It didn’t make it along for the ride, just into the picture.

Yesterday, the boy returned to the dojo for the first time since his semi-debacle on Monday. It went almost exactly like I expected, except for the surprise twist I supplied at the end.

When he got home from school, he procrastinated about getting ready for his class. Then he dragged his feet going out the door, defiantly declaring he wasn’t going to practice. In the car ride over he was sullen. And his mood only darkened the closer we got. Feeling like your pride had been nicked can do strange things to a kid.

When we finally got into the class room, students were on the floor warming up. But the boy sat down with his head almost between his knees. It was obvious that he thought someone would remember what happened to him on Monday. He was trying to avoid having to relive the embarrassment he’d suffered through. When you’re a kid, everything is about you. Therefore, everyone will remember every slight against you just as vividly as you do.

How can it be otherwise?

That was why I kind of knew that last night was the most important class he had attended for awhile. Not because it had anything to do with karate per say, but because it had everything to do with him learning that he can suffer setbacks and still survive to fight another day. So I was prepared for the answer he gave me when I asked him what was wrong. He didn’t want to have to do anymore push-ups; he didn’t want anyone to remind him about Monday.

I told him the only one who was remembering Monday at that moment was him. But that didn’t get much traction with him. After a few more attempts at reasoning with him bore no fruit, I came up with an novel idea. Simply put, we can take away, but we can also give back, if some pre-conditions are met. Why not? If some behaviors are worth punishing, surely others are worth undoing a punishment as a way of demonstrating their value.

So I told him that if he practiced as hard as the last time I’d watched him, maybe that would be worth something. For the first time, he paused and looked at me. Then he said “Like maybe I can play my DS again this weekend?”

I could only smile at that point, since that’s exactly what I had been thinking. I consider that proof-positive that kids understand the concept of bribery quite well. I said I’d have to talk it over with the Wife, but we’d see what could be done.

And with that, he went out to warm up a bit noticeably cheered. More importantly, he held up his end of the bargain during class, practicing hard. When the class was over I told him he’d done a good job. He seemed to be in better spirits all around.

When we got home, I explained to the Wife my little suggestion. She didn’t have a problem with it except for one thing: he still owed her 75 push-ups. So the final deal was set- he had to finish the push-ups he owed his Mother, and then he’d get his DS privileges reinstated for the weekend. His debt would be considered paid in full.

He didn’t like the change-up since he felt that he’d paid his debt by practicing hard. We held our ground though and in the end he held up his end of the bargain. Naturally, he was quite pleased with the unexpected turn of events. That was the first time he’d earned his way out of a punishment. Of course, it was the first time we’d let him earn his way out of a punishment. I’m hoping this time the lessons will be more permanent.

Only time will tell what lessons he actually learned.

The boy has been slowly assimilating football of late. He now knows a number of teams on sight. But he learned a new one today. He saw a highlight from the Cowboys-Cardinals game today and referred to the Cardinals as “the Angry Bird team.”

Here’s the letter the Wife and I sent out for the boy’s Star of the Week thingy. To be honest, it was one of those assignments that ended up being more the Wife’s and mine than his. Sure, he had a few “My favorite is this” and “I like that” things to do. But the Wife printed out the pictures and cut them so they could be pasted in place. And the Wife asked for letter’s from immediate family for him. But I guess that’s the nature of the beast.

It’s hard to know what to write to you. We’ve been watching you grow up for 7 years now. Seven years might seem like a long time to you, but for your Mom and I it’s been very short. That’s probably hard for you to understand- how can a long time be short? Well, it’s like when you are with your friends. You’re so busy having fun that you forget that time goes by. And before you know it, it’s time for your friend to go home.

In your case, you’re a busy kid. You play soccer, baseball and hockey. You participate in Cub Scouts and practice karate as well as go to school. And then there are the times we go to the museum or the zoo or the beach or the park. All of those activities keep Mom and I and your sister go-go-going all the time along with you. So none of us notice all the time going by. You started out as a baby and before we knew it, here you are as a 2nd grader.

So what are some of the things your Mom and I can say about you? For one, you don’t like to wake up in the morning. You like to stay in your nice warm bed and sleep. When you do (finally!) get up, you like to watch TV. Your favorite cartoons right now are The Pink Panther and Avatar. That’s neat for your Mom and I because we used to watch the The Pink Panther when we were growing up.

You’re becoming more interested in football now. That’s neat for Dad because football is his favorite sport. Did you know the first time he ever sat and watched a football game with you, you cried? You were just a baby then, and he turned on a game with you and then looked at you and said “YAY! FOOTBALL!” And you looked at him for a moment, and then started crying. Mom just laughed.

You can be very serious. Especially when you are playing “Super Mario Brothers” on your DS. You still get upset when you are having a tough time with the game. But you always stick with it and get passed what you are having trouble with. Hopefully that’s something you never stop doing- keep on trying until you succeed.

What are some fun things about you? You are VERY ticklish. Your favorite food is hamburgers with cheese. You like to play hide-and-seek with your friends when they come over. You’ve started collecting Pokemon cards, but you haven’t learned how to play the game yet. That’s OK, none of your friends know how to play either. You like to swim in the ocean. You enjoy spending time doing crafts and baking with Mom. And you get very excited when Sparky appears each year.

Wow. That’s a lot of stuff already, and I could write a lot more too. I know earlier I wrote that 7 years seems like a short time, but the fact is you can (and you have!) done a lot in 7 years. Your Mom and I have been around that whole time, watching you and helping you and teaching you. There is still a lot for you to do and to learn. And your Mom and I are looking forward to it.

We love you!

The Wife’s after Thanksgiving schedule does not involve trips to the stores for Black Friday. Rather, it involves setting up the Christmas tree.

This year it also involved separating the kids for a time. Blame it on turkey hangover. They sat around most of the morning watching TV and then went right at each other’s throats when the TV went off. Their energy was redirected towards chores, where they continued to fight and snipe at each other.

The Wife and I, in the mean time, took care of the grunt work of tree setup. No natural trees here. We’re all plastic and fantastic. Complete with lights. We also did our best to ignore the yelling and screaming upstairs.

When an eerie silence began to emanate from the upstairs, we had them come down and begin the fun part of tree setup: putting on the ornaments. The kids have various fun ornaments from Hallmark involving Looney Tunes, Rudolf, Harry Potter and so on. The Wife and I also have our own ornaments, which involve Star Wars and A Christmas Story.

The boy became curious about the Christmas Story ornaments. They highlighted some of the better known moments from the movie such as the flat tire scene with “F-U-D-G-E” and the flag pole scene with Flick complete with audio with the push of a button. Of course, having never seen it, he had no appreciation for the scenes depicted. But I think my own fondness for them made him curious in a “What’s the big deal with this movie?” kind of way. So we agreed to let him watch it before going to bed.

Most of the humor was lost on him. Though he did get a kick out of some things like when the Mother is dressing Randy up in his snow suit, or when Randy falls and can’t get up without help. He also chuckled at the over-the-top nature of the two bullies and when the duck got it’s head lopped off at the Chinese restaurant. He even empathised with Ralphie when he got his mouth washed out with soap.

It didn’t occur to me until it was too late that we were running a bit of a risk in letting him watch the movie. In particular, the Santa scene in the mall and then the gift unwrapping scene could have led him to start asking questions. Thankfully, it didn’t. But he did have a couple of comments during the Santa scene. First, when Ralphie finally got his turn and the movie had all the extreme close-ups with the mall Santa bellowing “HO-HO-HO!” in his face, the boy commented “That’s creepy.” Which was actually pretty accurate, really. He also commented on the elves being mean.

When it was all said and done, he was happy Ralphie got his Red Ryder BB Gun. But it’ll be a while before he enjoys the movie like I do.

The boy drew a picture:

You can see who it’s for. But wait! There’s more!

With Daylight Savings ending this morning, we turned all the clocks back. The boy immediately set to trying to twist it to his advantage. That’s what happens when a 7-year old becomes an “expert” at telling time.

“So, really, it won’t be 8 o’clock until it’s 9, so we can stay up until 9 now, right?”

I guess I have to give him credit for grasping the monkeying around of the time. I then explained that, no, it really is 8 o’clock now. Everyone’s clocks have been adjusted, so there’s no “understanding” that everything is off by an hour.

He stuck to his guns, insisting that 9 o’clock is really 8 o’clock.

I finally trumped him when I noted that sure, fine, time is off by an hour today from normal; but, after today, there aren’t anymore adjustments, so 8 o’clock really is 8 o’clock after today. Besides which, he’s still going to bed at the new 8 o’clock today.

He finally relented. It was about time.

The boy has been exhibiting certain behaviors of late that both the Wife and I, the Wife more so, have been trying to correct. Unfortunately, we haven’t had as much success addressing the issue as we’d like, so yesterday I sat the boy down and had the following conversation with him.

Me: Look, I’m not really sure how to say this, so I’ll just be blunt, OK? Burping and farting are two of the funniest things there are. Possibly the funniest.

the boy: (starts giggling)

Me: (continuing with straight face) There’s just something about those two things that make them hysterical. There’s no point in me denying that simple truth.

In fact, my brother and I used to have farting contests growing up.

the boy: (still laughing) Who would win?

Me: Sometimes he would win, sometimes I would. But they were always hilarious, regardless of which of us was the better farter.

the boy: You mean like, who had the stinkiest?

Me: The stinkiest, the loudest, the most, whatever you can think of.

But that’s not really what’s important. The point is, I’ve fouled my fair share of air and am in a tough position getting upset about the occasional fart or belch in my presence.

But, you have to understand that there’s a time for burping and farting, and a time to be discrete about it.

the boy: (talking through a large grin) What do you mean?

Me: I mean there are a lot of times when its not appropriate behavior. When you’re with your friends, hanging out, whatever, I mean, OK go for it. When there aren’t any parents around, sure. What’s the harm, right?

But when you’re around family and other adults, it’s really an impolite thing to do and you should excuse yourself or try to keep it quiet.

the boy : You mean like an SBD?

Me: (grinning) Sort of- if they don’t stink you’re fine, but if they do then everyone will know you did it anyway. And you can never be sure when they will or won’t stink. The idea is to be discreet and either go to the bathroom or something, do your business, and then come back. You can try to sneak them out, but if someone says something funny you’ll end up laughing and it’ll blast outta there, so that’s kind of risky. So, it’s best to just quietly excuse yourself, you don’t even have to tell anyone why you’re going. Just go and do it and then come back when you’re done. No harm no foul. Well, sort of.

the boy: Did your sister used to fart?

Me: (grinning) Well, I can’t really speak for her, but you could ask her on the sly the next time you see her, OK?

the boy: (nods, grinning)

Me: Anyway, so around the dinner table, or during family activities, it really is impolite and you need be better about it, OK?

the boy: (still grinning) OK, Dad.

All in all, I thought it went pretty well.