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Family

The Crankies

“The Crankies” visited the boy this morning. He has to go do a fundraiser with me this morning for Scouts and he didn’t want to. “WHAT?!? You mean I have to go and do fundraisers every day for the rest of my life!?!” he exclaimed when the Wife reminded him. Prior to that, he’d been engaging in other favorite cranky behavior, needlessly antagonizing his sister.

As for the fundraiser, never mind that we do it for about a month-and-a-half out of the year. Never mind that he actually enjoys doing it. Never mind that I’ll spend the remainder of the year trying to make his Scouting experience fun fruitful. Never mind that he only has to work for an hour today (THE HORROR!!) All that seems to matter is it interferes with his busy Saturday and weekend schedule consisting of… nothing.

He loves to poke at the lass when he’s cranky. He’ll intentionally poke her, (nothing hard- just enough to be annoying like only a brother can manage) until she’s literally screaming at him to stop. When he’s called out he accuses her of being a baby and always making a big deal of out nothing. If she gets up, he’ll slide over into her spot on the couch, which he knows will infuriate her when she returns. He also tends to make lots of snide comments about her- subtle put-downs and such that individually aren’t a big deal. But taken together with the steady drip-drip-drip of a leaky faucet add up to more than their constituent parts.

If it isn’t the boy, then it’s the lass who gets “The Crankies.” She tends to exhibit different behaviors. Namely, an out-of-control defiance for everything. Tell her to make her breakfast and she’ll put on a frown, fold her arms across her chest and say “Hmmmph. I’m not hungry.” Ask her to feed the dogs and she’ll repeat the above with the modification that she “always feed the stupid dogs. Why doesn’t my brother ever feed them?” Never mind that he fed them just yesterday.

There is no cure for “The Crankies.” At least, no sure fire cure. Depending on the severity of the affliction, distractions or redirection can work. Sometimes, feigning excitement for something they like can snap them out of it. Other times, getting some food in them fixes things.

Just as often as not, however, nothing works and the only saving grace is that they get dumped at school for the day and we get a reprieve from them for 6 hours or so. It’s a crap shoot whether “The Crankies” are gone by the time they get home.

It’s almost enough to be willing to use them as collateral for renting an iPhone. Although in all likelihood, Apple would be demanding their phone back well before the rental was up.

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Family

Really?

I’m sitting here on the couch with the kids.  It’s halftime now so they are getting a little bored.   The lass sticks her tongue out.

The boy takes this as an invitation.  He starts squeezing her head so her jaw clamps down on her tongue.   The lass is mildly amused by this which encourages the boy to take the next step.

He starts bumping the underside of her jaw with one hand while pushing down on the top of her head with the other.  He tries it once, twice, three times.

At which point I’ve had enough.  “What do you think you’re doing?” I start with.

He looks at me, unsure what to say.  He’s got a deer-in-the-headlights look that confirms he was not thinking at all.

“What do you think is going to happen if you keep doing that?” I then asked.

“Ummm, I don’t know.  You’re going to yell at me?”

He’s not wrong.  I suspect, however, he still doesn’t get it.

“Will that be before or after you successfully get her to bite her tongue?” I ask.

“Oh, well I knew that woud happen…”

“So wait,” I cut him off.  “You mean you know that you’ll eventually hurt her and that you’ll get in trouble for it but you’re doing it anyway?  That’s sooo much better.  I mean, that’s just brilliant.”  I turned up the sarcasm to 11.

Now he got it.  His face fell and he stopped.  There were no snappy comebacks or attempts to laugh it off.  He fully comprehended the foolishness of what he was doing.

I don’t know when either of them will start demonstrating the ability to think about what they are doing and the likely consequences.   It won’t come soon enough.

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Family

Hello?

The Wife and I are raking the yard today.  While we’ve been working, the boy is walking around with a rake in his hands.  He keeps asking random questions about school and books he’s read.  The rake in his hands voes unused.

Finally, I ask him “So are you going to use that rake in your hands or just wander around with it?”  I was a touch accusatory with my tone.

He replied, just a little sheepishly, “Well, I’m not sure where you want me to start.”

This is what the yard looks like:

image

image

I simply spread my arms and motioned in the general vicinity of the yard.  It’s hard to figure them out sometimes.

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Family

A Walk in the Woods

I’d finished up a little archery practice after dinner when the kids cornered me and wanted to know if I’d go on a hike with them. It wasn’t too late, yet. The light was fading fast though as it was close to 6 o’clock. In truth, I really didn’t want to go. I think that, sometimes, I tell them “No” too many times when they want me to do something with them. That’s a funny thing to say considering my situation, but there it is.

Counter-intuitively, that probably makes it easier for me to say it. I’m around them so much that I never want for “kid time.” Most of that time, though, is kind of the family equivalent of “business.” Going to school, picking up from school, meals, going to martial arts, and all the other running around. Doing things that are just fun and frivolous aren’t as frequent anymore.

So, in the end, I took them for a hike.

I grabbed a flashlight and a toothpick (just finished dinner, remember?) and we headed out. There are two ways we could go that don’t involve roads- South and North. South is a short hike that skirts the several neighbors’ backyards and ends near a stream. North takes us to a different part of the stream that we can cross. From there, it’s fields and woods into the next town.

We went North.

“What’s that for?” the boy asked pointing at the flashlight.

“It gets dark quick nowadays,” I replied.

“What’s that for, Dad?” asked the lass about 5 seconds later. She’d lagged behind and caught up. I told her to ask the boy.

The initial part of the hike was through some woods. The path is easy enough to pick out, but there are tall grasses and twiggy brush along the way that is impossible to avoid. There are also downed trees that are easy enough for me to step over. Not so much for the kids. The lass was soon complaining about her legs getting scratched- she’d chosen shorts for her hiking attire. The boy was looking forward to seeing “The Mansion.”

“The Mansion” isn’t really a mansion, but it is a large house. It’s located across the street from us and up a hill. It actually can’t be seen from our house or from the road. But if we hiked far enough the way we were going, we’d be able to get to an elevated point that would allow us to pick out “The Mansion” on the hill. I think I’d mentioned this once before in the boy’s presence. He’d clearly never forgotten and had it in his mind that he’d finally get his chance to see “The Mansion.”

He asked how far we had to go. By this point, we’d come out of the stretch of woods and into our first field. To get to the point where we could see “The Mansion,” we had to cross the stream and continue East. There was a second, longer stretch of woods to pass through and we’d come to another field. Then, we had to go to the other side of that field and we’d be able to view it. I wasn’t so sure it would work out since the light was fading fast, but this was the adventure he had set his mind on. After finishing The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. No dragons though.

We crossed the stream and continued along into the next field. It was a corn field that had already been harvested. Shaved stalks created neat rows and patterns all around us. The lass grabbed the nearest one and proclaimed it “her stalk.” Our first trophy from our adventure, I suppose. The boy was asking questions about how I knew where to go. In spite of her trophy, the lass was getting bored and regretting coming on the hike. She came up and took my hand as we entered the woods on the far side of the field.

I used to bring our oldest dog for walks back here. Back when I still had a normal job and walks in the woods with your dog was a stress relieving adventure. She wood run all over. If I walked 1 mile, she loped 5. She was never out of earshot, though many a time I lost site of her. I’d call and she’d come racing back to check in, then bound off again in search of other things to sniff.

We trudged through the woods. The boy was peppering me with questions about what it was like with the dog back here. Did I have her on a leash? What did she do? Where did she go? Did she come back? Could she follow a scent back to the house? Would she be happy to come back here now?

The trail is over grown from when I used to hike back there. Not so much that it was hard to follow the trail. But enough that the grasses continued to nip at the lass’ legs. The boy’s too. They would take a few steps, then pick a leg up and wipe it with there hand to stop the itching.

The boy was wondering where we were headed now and if we had much farther to go. I told him we were looking for a wall and that we had a ways to go. The field we were heading too is several football fields long, plus the remainder of the hike through the woods. He didn’t complain and the lass just continued to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other.

The wall we were looking for is an old stone wall. Looking at it now, with my new eyes for stone wall construction, I could appreciate that it was a well built wall. Even spacing between stones, a nice flat face and a flat defined top. Someone, at sometime, had taken some care in assembling it. Trees were slowly wrecking it now, though. Either because of trees falling on it or because of roots coming up under it. Attacked from above and below, it was slowly ceding ground. There were also sections that had clearly been dismantled by people who’d decided they need a way to pass through. But the parts that are still intact are a testament to it’s builder.

We walked along the stone wall for the final leg through the woods. This is a gentle uphill stretch that’s a bit tricky due to roots jutting out from the ground. It’s easy to catch a toe and get tripped up. There were also tree limbs that I had trouble dodging. The lass noted “Sometimes it’s better to be short, huh Dad?” She wasn’t wrong. The boy could see the opening to the field and bounded up to it, buoyed by the realization that he was at the final leg of his journey.

The lass and I emerged and she sighed. The field was looooong. Just like I’d told them. The boy had his hands on his knees about 50 yards in. I think he’d run all the way there before realizing he would never be able to sprint across the entire field. The lass griped again about going home. The complaints about the grass were worst for this stretch. Long and thick, it caused there legs to itch on every step. Even the boy finally admitted he should have worn jeans.

The boy was marvelling at how he didn’t feel tired. The lass was wishing she’d eaten more for dinner. Then she asked whether the dog had been this far back and when I told her she had, it seemed to lift her spirits to think of the dog trotting through the field she now trudged through. She like the thought of her being happy and exploring. She kept asking, trying to flesh out all the details of what the dog had done, where she’d gone.

We finally reached the other side of the field and turned around. I could make out a light on the hill, way back across our street. It was well into dusk now, and without that light it would have been hard to see “The Mansion.” As it was, there was little detail that could be discerned. If I hadn’t told the kids that it was a big house that sat there, they’d never have known based on the view.

We stood and admired the view for a bit. The gray clouds in the sky were streaked red from the sunset. The boy noted what looked like a rainbow next to the clouds. Even though he couldn’t really see the house, he didn’t seem disappointed. The lass too, seemed to be in a better mood. Perhaps it was because she knew the next stop would be home.

Still, with the light almost gone, she took my hand for the walk back. She wanted to hold the flashlight, but I declined. When I wouldn’t pass it to her, she asked me to turn it on. I told her “When we get back to the woods. There’s still enough light to walk through field. You wouldn’t want the batteries to run out, would you?” She didn’t push the matter any further.

The walk back seemed quicker than the walk out, in spite of the darkness that descended up on us through the woods. The boy commented on the difference and I tried to explain that when you don’t know where you’re going, you tend to notice everything and it makes time seem longer. But on the return journey, everything is familiar, so you tend to notice less and the time seems to go by quicker.

Along the way, I’d occasionally shine the light into the woods and scan it around. I did the same in the field. Both kids kept wondering what I thought I’d seen.

“Nothing,” I answered.

“Then why do you keep shining the light into the woods?” the boy asked.

“Because if I don’t stop and look, I won’t see anything. Maybe there’s a deer, or a rabbit, or a coyote out there. If I keep shining the light on the trail, that’s all I’ll see. So I stop and look around every now and again, because you never know.”

We walked together through the night. We detoured from our original path as we neared our house. Rather than passing through the woods to get back to there, we went around to the road. This was to benefit the lass, whom didn’t want to deal with the sticks and bushes nipping at her legs anymore. She’d held my hand the whole way, but let it go at the road. We walked with them in front of me so I could light them up with the flashlight for cars to see.

The lass had held onto her corn stalk all the way back to the house and she now tossed it onto the side of the driveway. The journey was over.

Before heading up to take showers, they both said they liked the walk. The lass added that she’d like it better if it had been during the day. They both wanted to do it again someday, they said.

I’ll have to oblige them.

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Family

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO PICK UP PEANUTS!?!

We received a couple of packages last night. One of them was filled with packing peanuts, in addition to the stuff we’d ordered. We asked the boy to place the boxes out in the garage, and he did so.

But in the process he managed to spray packing peanuts all over the floor of the garage. In a classic child maneuver, he simply left the mess on the floor of the garage.

The Wife was the first one to call him out and insist he cleanup the mess he made. He did so, but not before vociferously voicing his displeasure at the prospect. He came in several minutes later and went back to more important things, like arranging rubber bands for making bracelets.

Sometime later, I ventured out into the garage. There were still peanuts laying on the floor.

I turned and asked him “I thought you cleaned up the peanuts in the garage?”

“I DID,” he said with just a touch of defensiveness.

“Well, then why are there still peanuts lying on the floor of the garage?”

What followed was something just short of breathtaking.

“WHAT? DO YOU EXPECT ME TO PICK UP EVERY LAST PEANUT OUT THERE?” he yelled. Just a touch defensively. The veins in his neck were sticking out.

“That’s what cleaning up meant, last I checked.”

“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?” He was turning red.

“With your hands, maybe?” I suggested. It was hard not to be amused at his tantrum.

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO PICK UP PEANUTS?” he bellowed as he stomped off towards the garage.

Well, guess he told me. Incidentally, he managed to pull it off. Somehow.

Categories
Family

The Irrational Child Mind

The boy and I went on a grocery store run to pick up some items for dinner tonight. Along the way he asked me what I was planning to make. I told him it was a sausage dish that I’ve made before to great reviews from the lass and the boy. He was immediately disappointed.

I was confused at his reaction since I was sure that he like this dish. When I gave him the full details, he sighed in relief and said “I thought you were going to make the other sausage dish with the sweet sauce.”

He was referring to another sausage concoction I make with peppers and a sweet onion. I basically cook the peppers and onion down into a juice and the result has a sweet flavor to it. I asked him what he didn’t like about it and he replied “It’s too sweet.”

“What do you mean it’s too sweet? So is candy too sweet?” I asked.

He answered in earnest “Candy isn’t sweet. It’s got sugar in it.”

Dumbfounded, I asked for clarification. “You mean sugar isn’t sweet?”

“No, it’s just sugar,” he answered. “It’s not sweet like that sausage stuff you make.”

I had to stop there for fear that he might be contagious. This is the sort of stuff parents have to deal with all the time.

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Family

Let There Be Light!

The boy came home from school today and, as has been his wont, got started immediately on his homework.

I finished up some impromptu archery lessons with the neighbor and returned to make sure the lass was all set for her soccer practice. While tending to her, the boy started whining about not understanding his homework.

I was more focused on his sister than him at that moment, so I dismissively asked him if he had read the instructions. He said he had and proceeded to read them to me. It was a 1 sentence instruction telling him to fill in a multiplication table. For some reason that still escapes me, that operation just wouldn’t compute.

He began getting overly excited. I ignored him. Shortly thereafter, the lass was off to her soccer practice so I turned more of my attention to the boy. He was still frustrated. This is still a problem for him- he gets so frustrated with something that he essentially locks up. He refuses to calm down and think things through, refuses to try coming at things from a different angle, refuses anything other than someone fixing his problem for him. One of these days, I, or the Wife- whomever draws the short straw, will have to just let him flounder about until he unlocks himself or explodes.

Today was not that day.

I worked him through to the point where he understood he had to fill in the multiplication table. Initially, he was pleased with understanding. His face then fell. He was staring at 100 little squares that all required numbers in them, and he had to fill them in. I left him like that for a moment to go take care of a few other things. When I returned, he was balling on his homework.

There was a brief instant where I was ready to lay into him for making things more difficult on himself. What good was sitting there balling on his homework going to do?

Fortunately, I course corrected and calmly suggested he walk away from his homework and calm down a bit. Naturally, him being completely around-the-bend irrational, refused. He got up to go blow his nose, though, and I seized my opportunity. I walked over, picked up his homework papers and put them in a cabinet far out of his reach.

And just like that, he went from miserable to mad. If he had been a cartoon, he would have changed colors from a sky blue shade to a crimson red. Maybe he would have gotten the volcanic-eruption treatment out the top of his head. I would have been Woody Woodpecker, laughing. Then, I would have pecked him in the head and flitted off in the direction of…

Ahem…sorry.

I refused to give him his homework sheet back until he’d calmed down. He slowly came to grips with the fact that I was serious and started looking for other things to do. Eventually, he started playing with a piece of wire and battery. Then, he started asking me questions about what he could hook it up to. He got an idea and went and grabbed a light bulb. Guess you could say a light turned on!

I agreed to help him hook it up, even though I knew it wouldn’t work. It was a lamp battery that required AC current so there was no way a battery, probably mostly drained, would work.

When it didn’t work, I explained the problem to him. He then went rummaging around in the kitchen and found a flashlight bulb. Now he was in business. After a little bit of finagling, we managed to connect the battery and sure enough, the bulb glowed a bit. It also confirmed my suspicions about the battery’s status.

That led the boy into a quest to create a flashlight. He came up with somewhat workable contraption involving a D cell, some tape, a piece of wire and the bulb. He didn’t like that he had to manually hold the bulb against the battery. Happy, but not satisfied, he asked me if I had any ideas.

I did. I told him to go get me a hanger. It had to be a metal wire hanger, I specified. One that didn’t have any clothes on it.

When he came back with the hanger, I first verified that he hadn’t ripped his sister’s clothes off of it moments earlier. I then proceeded to cut a section of it off. I stripped the plastic coating off it on both ends, then wrapped one end around the bulb. Finally, I bent what remained into a rough handle shape that clipped on to the other end of the battery and voila:

We had a flashlight. My siblings will likely recognize this as a little project our Grandfather introduced to us many years ago. It had the same effect on the boy today as it did on us back then. He was delighted and hooked at the simplicity. Shortly thereafter, the hanger was chopped to ribbons as he worked on his own variations.

Here’s a low-power version he managed on his own:

He even came up with a 2-D cell design, with a little help from me.

Somewhere along the way, I took his homework out of the cabinet and placed it out for him to complete. When he finally remembered that he had homework to do, he was astonished to find that I’d put it out for him. He’d been so engrossed in his engineering, that he’d completely missed that I’d returned it to him.

He even managed to complete it without anymore tears.

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Family

A Tenet of Computer Programming

Every computer programmer knows and understands that a computer can only do what it’s told. That’s a simple enough concept to grasp. The catch is what the computer does as a result of what it’s told isn’t always what the programmer wants. More succinctly, a computer does what it’s told, not what we want.

This point of computer programming is flummoxing the boy for the moment. He seems to understand what he wanted to make the computer do using Scratch. The problem is he also seems to be under the delusion that the computer should understand what he wants it to do. It was a recipe for disaster which led me to temporarily leading a tearful boy away from the computer for a while to collect himself.

I then had him sit down and work through the step-by-step guide at the Scratch website. His being able to see how to use the programming tools and create a sample program helped tremendously and he was able to go back and work out his own “game.”

I put that in quotes because apparently, the game was figuring out how to play his game. Or something. It involved one little sprite fighting a troll sprite with a bow-and-arrow. The idea is to figure out how to make the bow-and-arrow appear, then shoot the troll with it. The end.

I’m sure EA Sports will be holding a slot for him.

He’s now more curious about real programming languages and wanted to check out one of my books. I don’t have an extensive library for programming languages, as most anything I could ever want to know is available on the web. However, like any decent programmer, I do have a couple of different versions of K&R. So I pulled that down for him to look through. “C” wouldn’t be my first choice for him to learn at this point, but syntactically it’s pretty compact. Versus PERL, the only other books I had.

Once again, he didn’t seem to quite grasp what he was looking at. I even fired up a hello world program for him so he could start to get some kind of idea. He was unimpressed.

I think part of his problem is he’s so used to Google and search that he has a skewed impression of what is happening inside a computer. He goes to a Google prompt and types in whatever he looks for and gets relevant results almost instantaneously. Contrast that with having to cryptically tell a computer to write “hello world” onto a screen which involves writing words and characters into a file with a special syntax and there’s the chasm that must be crossed.

The good thing, at this point, is he isn’t turned off to programming. Yet. Perhaps by the end of the weekend when he first encounters “debugging.”

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Family

Is This How It Starts?

Somehow, a conversation about the video game belt loop for Scouts turned into an interrogation by the boy about programming. The boy had talked to a fellow Scout, whom had explained that he had to write a video game to earn the award. That seemed fishy to me, since writing a video game is so far from non-trivial as to be all but impossible for the average grade-schooler without some kind of serious assistance. Anyway, the boy got it in his head that he would write a video game to earn the belt loop.

So now he wanted to know “How do you write a video game? What are the codes you need to do it?” I could see that, since his friend had claimed to have written a game, the boy had determined he too could write one. He also seemed to be under the delusion that doing so only required some special number, or something.

I started by explaining that he would need to write code that tells a computer what the rules for his game are.

“But what are the codes?” he wanted to know.

I was deliberately trying to avoid using the term “programming language” because that would open up a whole new can of worms. So I said he’d need to put special lines in a file on the computer.

“Well, how do you put them in a file?”

So then I explained about using an editor. When he asked what that was, I told him it was like what he used to write email in. So naturally, he tried to fire up an email program to start writing some code.

He wasn’t going to be dissuaded, but explaining how to use a programming language to him was something I wasn’t up for. I figured there must be some kind of programming tutorial out there for kids. So I commandeered the computer from him and started searching. It didn’t take long to turn up some options, the most convenient of which looked like something called Scratch. I say it’s convenient because it’s a program designed for kids his age and it’s free to download. While it’s been installed, we haven’t had a chance to play with it yet because karate interfered.

While karate prevented him from diving in and learning how to program, it didn’t stop him from asking questions about programming. After a bit, I finally explained to him about programming languages. That only served to make him more curious. He wanted to know what the languages were like, how they made the computers “do things,” if he had to share his code (already worried about copyrighting and he hasn’t written a line of code!), how other people could play his game, if he had to name his program, how to put words into the program and on and on.

When his martial arts class ended, the first thing he said when we got back in the car was “Dad, I hope you don’t mind answering questions about programming computers because I was wondering something else…” At which point, the questions began anew until we got home.

By the end of it all, the boy understood that writing a computer game was non-trivial. He understood that he’d have to design his game first, and then build the program after that. He was excited to have the Scratch program though, because at least he could try to do a little programming with it. He has a half-day of school tomorrow, so he’s already blocked out his time to spend learning programming. “I won’t be watching TV tomorrow,” he proclaimed.

I remember getting interested in computers and programming at a similar age. But back then, the tools were pretty pathetic, especially when compared with what’s available today. We’ll see if the boy has any aptitude for programming. More importantly, we’ll see if he has any enthusiasm for it. While the former is nice, it’s the latter that would provide the potential for this to prove to be more than another passing fad.

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Family

The Pot Meets the Kettle

Another week, another homework set for the lass.

She sat down and started working through it. She has spelling words and reading or sight words as well as math and the like.

One of the first pieces of work she started was a short writing assignment. She has to write a story about a bike. She read through the page, thought about it for a few seconds, then turned the page over and started writing her story.

The boy happened by at that time and took a look at what she was doing. Seeing that she was writing her story on the “finished” page, he said without the slightest trace of irony “You should write that on a separate paper first, then copy it onto that page.”

The lass grunted in his general direction. I facepalmed myself so hard I saw stars.

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Family

Next Time Just Ask

“My mouth has a funny taste in it,” the boy said. Even for the boy, that was a pretty random statement to make. He was watching cartoons at that particular moment and had not eaten breakfast. In fact, he was still in his PJ’s. I was busy trying to help the Wife get ready for her parents visit today; thus, I didn’t really have time to consider random statements about weird tastes in the boy’s mouth. So, I did what every parent does when they hear something strange from their kid, I ignored it.

After breakfast, the boy complained again about the weird tastes in his mouth. By this time, he’d eaten a breakfast of waffles and syrup. At this point, it occurred to me that he’s been on a kick where he thinks every little abnormality requires some sort of medical attention. He’ll spot a red mark on his arm that’s barely visible and decide it’s a spider bite. He’ll complain that he’s injured his finger and that he can’t move it. He’ll insist it needs ice and that we need to look at it. He’ll see a freckle for the first time on his arm and worry he has some rare disease. Clearly, it’s some sort of phase. I figure the funny-taste-in-the-mouth thing is another manifestation of the phase.

So I ignore it again.

I’m finishing some vacuuming when the boy comes up to me and says “Dad, I’ve got a funny taste in my mouth, can I have a mint?”

And everything immediately comes in to focus.

I’d gone to watch UCONN battle Michigan last night with some friends and one of the items I’d picked up for the evening was Altoids. Curiously strong, as they say. I returned home from the game late in the night. Or, early in the morning if you prefer. I’d emptied my pockets upon returning and had placed the Altoids on the island in our kitchen.

The boy had spotted them this morning when he came down and had decided he really wanted an Altoid. They were the “wintergreen” flavor, a favorite of his, making them even more irresistible to him. Rather than ask me straight out, “Dad, can I have an Altoid?” he decided on a different strategy. Thus, the whole “funny taste in my mouth” story line. It was a scheme to justify his asking for the mint to expunge the “weird” taste in his mouth.

Now, it’s perfectly reasonable to object to my conclusion at this point. Wouldn’t he just ask for it if he wanted one? Why make something up like this all for a breath mint? I won’t pretend to totally understand the boy’s mentality, other than to say he’s deduced that, generally, creating a pretext improves the odds he’ll get what he wants.

I did test my theory in real time, though. I confronted him, playfully. He got a big smile on his face and then turned away to avoid my eye contact. He then replied in a whiny voice “Wwwwwwwwhhaaaaaaat? So, can I have one?” I think most parents will recognize this as a universal kid language for guilty.

I told him to go ahead and have one. Take two even. But next time, just ask.

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Family

The Boy’s Hero

The Wife went to the Open House event for the boy’s teacher tonight. For the non-parents out there, it’s a chance for teachers to explain what the kids go through and what the goals for the year. In the boy’s case, it’s reading and math. Shocker.

The first surprise the Wife found was the boy’s desk is immaculate. No paper balled up and stuffed in the desk, books neatly arranged. Either he’s a neat nick or he knew what was coming. I’m guessing the latter until further evidence is provided.

The second surprise wasn’t something the boy had done. It was something a friend had done. The kids filled out sheets so people could learn stuff about them. One of the items on the sheet was “Who is your hero?” A friend of his wrote the boy was his hero because he’s always helping people and he when he grew up he wanted to help people. The Wife dubbed it a “crying moment.”

The boy chose his Great Grandfather as his hero. He wrote it was because his Great Grandfather had fought in World War II and then took care of his (the boy’s) Great Grandmother when she got sick. He also said that his Great Grandfather was a good cook.

Lastly, the boy wants to be a stay-at-home Dad when he grows up.

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Family

We Can’t Fix Everything

The boy faces the prospect of a three hour review for his martial arts this weekend.  The goal is to go over material from the lower belt levels which they are responsible for as black belts.  While he’s not averse to reviews, he is averse to the ones that take three hours.  Welcome to black belt testing.

We talked about it tonight a bit.  He brought it up, actually.  He wanted to know if he had to do the whole thing.  He then started whining that it was going to be too long and there was no way he could do it.  It culminated with “I like karate, but I don’t like it for 3 hours.”

I’m a bit torn because I can understand that at his age, he’s just not ready mentally.  He lacks the maturity.  That said, it’s not like he’ll just wake up one day and suddenly be mature and capable.  He’s got to try, fail, and try some more.  Maturity is a process, and he has got to start somewhere.  Three hour black belt reviews are as good a place as any.

What he really wanted from me was an out- a “Get Out of Jail Free” card as a gift from me.  It’s perfectly normal, really.  For his entire life either the Wife or I have helped him solve, or outright solved for him, his problems.  As he’s gotten older we’ve tried to push that responsibility more and more onto his shoulders, but we still do a lot for him.  Here was one more case he wanted to foist onto us.

Now, in the short term, there is a reprieve.  The Wife has already spoken with the instructors who informed her that his real testing will start with the Spring cycle.  That means he doesn’t have to do the full three hour review this weekend.

It is only a reprieve, though.  If he wants his black belt he will have to go through several hours of testing.  I have no say in it and can’t make it any other way.  His only option is to delay, which only extends his timetable for attaining his black belt.  If he wants it, there is no way around, he’ll have to go through.  He’ll be better and stronger for it, but he doesn’t get that yet.

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Family

The Shotgun Wars: The Word of Power

The lass first picked up on the concept of “calling shotgun” while watching a Scooby Doo cartoon. Who says they can’t pick up valuable life lessons from a cartoon.

It was amusing they way it played out. I heard the exchange on the cartoon, Shaggy called it for what that’s worth, and I wondered if either of the kids would pick up on it. The lass did, as it turned out. She asked me what it meant to “call shotgun.” I think she’d caught on but just wanted to confirm her understanding of what she heard. I explained it and then continued about my business, which at the time was finishing some coffee.

When it came time to get in the car, nothing happened. They both got in without any issues. I figured the revelation from the cartoon had simply fallen flat.

I’ll note at this point that I’ve taken no active role in the whole shotgun experience. Aside from letting either child feel like it’s their spot, I, and the Wife, have chosen to take no sides in the conflict. Resolving their disputes is an exercise entirely up to them.

It was the next day when the lass attempted to call shotgun. She was behind her brother getting out the door and I could hear her stammering “Shot… shot…. I call shot… ” I called out to her “It’s ‘I call shotgun‘.” She immediately corrected herself as they walked down the sidewalk.

Her brother said, and I quote, “Whatever.” Then got in the car.

Words only have power if they are allowed to.

After that, the notion of calling shotgun was dropped for awhile. I figured that would be it until they had the experience riding with their friends.

Unexpectedly, the lass tried it again recently. Even more surprising, the boy yielded to the call and allowed his sister to obtain the front seat. Most surprising of all was that he didn’t whine about it.

Curious, I asked him why he’d changed his mind about it. He replied it was the rules of the game, so he figured he ought to follow them. I suspect he chose to honor it with the intention that he’d visit it back on the lass someday soon. He didn’t want to afford her the excuse that he hadn’t listened when she did it so she won’t listen when he uses it.

Whatever his reasoning, we now have the opportunity for more civilized determination of who rides shotgun. We’ll see if that comes to pass.

Categories
Family

Knowing Your Kids

The boy didn’t sleep well last night.  I didn’t either.  That’s just coincidence.  When he has trouble sleeping, he typically comes into the room and wakes up the Wife to let her know.  Last night, he got my attention since I was already awake.  It was very late and I told him he needed to relax.

He went back to his room.

After a second visit from him, I got up to check on him because that seemed like the right thing to do at the time.  I doubt too many of us enjoy getting out of bed at late hours like that and I’m no exception. When I got to his room, I saw that he was curled up on the bed facing his alarm clock.  He was just staring at the display.  I looked at it long enough to note it was after midnight, then turned it away from him.  I told him he should never stare at a clock when he’s having trouble sleeping because the light from the clock will make it harder to fall asleep.  I went back to bed and that was the last of it for the night.

He wasn’t particularly pleasant this morning.  The Wife was a bit appalled with him.  Then I explained his troubled sleeping last night and she softened a bit.  He’s never particularly pleasant when he doesn’t sleep well.

Tonight, when we put the kids to bed, I reminded him not to stare at his clock.  I’d already said “Goodnight” to the lass, so I went to take care of putting away some laundry.  Along the way, I had a premonition that the lass would ask “Why shouldn’t we stare at the clock, Dad?”  I went so far as to plan a response should it come to pass.

A few minutes later, the premonition proved prophetic.  I was in the middle of putting my shorts away when she called out, pretty much exactly as I’d imagined it, right down to the tone and inflections. Since I’d heeded my premonition, I already had a speech in mind to explain to her, and the boy, about Circadian Rhythms and why staring at a light can make it difficult sleep.  When I finished, she reached over and turned her clock so it wasn’t facing her.

This happens fairly regularly anymore with both the Wife and I.  A benefit of knowing the kids better than they know themselves is being prepared for what we know is coming.  It doesn’t always work out as well as it did in this case, but it’s satisfying when it does.

Categories
Family

We Must Lead a Boring Life

Today was the big day for the Wife. Today was the day that we got our brand spanking new kitchen stove and refrigerator. The stove is a gas stove, which we had converted to propane. The fridge replaces an older one that we’d had forever and it’s main feature improvement was the dual front doors. She’d been pining for the stove in particular for a long time now as our electric one has been slowly but surely biting the dust.

It’s to be expected that the Wife be excited about the new toys. What wasn’t expected was the excitement of the kids for the new appliances. They got up this morning asking when they’d arrive. When they got off the bus, the first question out of their mouths was “Do we have a new refrigerator and stove?” When I confirmed for them that they were here and installed, they both sprinted down the driveway to the house. It was Christmas come early.

They were buzzing around the new appliances like bees around a flower bed. How does this door open? OOOO! LOOK! This door pulls out. OH WOW! FIRE! Dad LOOK! There’s a blue flame like on the grill outside. So are we basically grilling in the house now? COOL! Look how both doors can open! OH MY GOD! The stove is huge! I could like, sleep in there! What’s this do, Dad? Wait, there’s a water dispenser in the fridge?!? AWESOME! Cool touchscreen! We have an ice dispenser? Where does the water come from? When will we have ice? What’s this button do? What’s that up there?

Of all the things about the two appliances, the ice dispenser was the biggest curiosity. They wanted to know how long before ice would start popping out. Would it overflow the freezer? How does it know when to stop? Where does the ice form? Questions like that make you realize they are totally on autopilot and literally, questions are forming in their brain and being shunted straight to their mouth.

Then, for the remainder of the evening, every time they heard CLUNKing from the fridge, they’d rush over to the freezer to check out the newest haul of ice cubes. The even counted them at one point trying to determine how many came out at a time. They also were trying to guess how many ice cubes would be in the tray by the morning. They wanted to know my guess. I told them 467 because, well, why not? They didn’t like that answer because that’s a lot of counting.

Frankly, I’m surprised they are able to sleep.

Categories
Family

Reading Instructions Good, Comprehending Instructions Better

As expected, the boy came home with homework. As he’s been doing so far this year, he sat down and got started on it right away, working on the math work that is due tomorrow. He has reading and spelling work that is not due until later this week.

I thought of this homework as “Tetris” homework, referring to the arcade game. He was supposed to work with shapes that he could create by arranging 4 squares such that at least 1 full side of a square was touching another full side of another square. Thus, why I thought of the Tetris game- anyone who played that would immediately know there are only 5 shapes that can be arranged: an ‘L’, a short ‘T’, a block, a line and a ‘S’ or ‘Z’ if you squint at it really hard.

The boy, never having played Tetris, didn’t know that so he had to work at it. The instructions told him to cut out 4 squares on the back of the paper so he could play with them and arrange them. They also told him to ignore duplicates that were mirrors or flipped variations of the same shape, like a backwards ‘L’. Finally, he was supposed to draw the shapes on grid on the back of the paper.

The only part he seemed to get was the drawing the shapes on the grid. He wanted to draw the straight line horizontally and vertically. Then he wanted to draw the ‘L’ in it’s various different configurations. He never cut out the squares either. He did manage to finish that work, but not without a lot of erasing and a little prodding from myself about following the directions.

Then came his spelling. He wanted me to give him a spelling quiz. He has 80 something words to work with this week. It sounds impressive until you realize they are variations on one word like “stab, stabbed, stabbing” or “state, stated, stating.” I gave him a quiz, but I just picked a single tense from each group of 3 words, rather than working through all the variations of each word.

He wrote each of these word 3 times, because “that’s what the directions said to do.” Then, he started writing all the other variations 3 times each as well. He had completed about 60 of the words when the Wife happened to look at the directions.

They directions actually were to take the quiz from a parent and then write and misspelled word 3 times. He didn’t misspell any of the words I’d quizzed him on. That means he did a lot of extra spelling. A lot of extra spelling.

He then began what has to be the most dramatic overreaction to anything ever.

First, he threw himself onto the ground and buried his face in his arm. There he laid, quietly. I chuckled, thinking it was just a dramatic one off to realizing he’d done a bunch of unnecessary extra work. Little did I realize that he was actually a tropical depression developing into a category 5 hurricane.

When he got up, he was mad and he was crying. It started as just a whine about how he’d messed up his homework. I was still unawares about what was coming and just ignored him. It was a little ridiculous at that stage, but I simply assumed he’d be over it. At this point, he was just mournfully staring at his paper, caught in that emotion where he thinks he’s done something that can’t be undone.

The whining then began to build. It was developing into that roaring cry, where a kid is screaming at the top of his lungs while he’s crying. His face was starting to turn pink and his gesticulating was getting more spastic- like he’d make up his mind to do something and then change it a half-second later and kept doing it over and over again. I finally realized that things were getting a whee bit out of control and I tried to whisk him away to his martial arts class. I firmly told him “Let’s go” and headed out the door, fully expecting him to be right behind me.

I sat out in the car waiting for him. And waiting for him. And waiting for him. I honked the horn once. Then again. Then a third time. Finally, the door swung open and out marched … the Wife. I turned the car off and immediately realized just how bad things had gotten.

I could hear him, wailing and stomping, from where I was out in the driveway. Great, roaring “AHHHHHHH’s” echoed from within the house. I’m pretty certain it was vibrating with all the stomping he was doing.

Apparently, he was looking for his flip flops and couldn’t find them. He was still upset about his homework. The Wife had come outside because she needed to get away from him for a few moments. I went over to the house and yelled in for him to get moving. As I walked back to the car, where the Wife had gone to in the interim, I laughed. The lass had broken last week over homework. Now, the boy had barely outlasted her by a week, all because he hadn’t comprehended his homework instructions.

When he finally came outside, he was still wailing and his face was red. There were no more tears though. He was just screaming like a mad-child. He had snapped, pure and simple.

I refused to take him anywhere in that state and he finally settled down to a much more respectable sulk. On any other day, sulking over his homework like that wouldn’t have been acceptable. But this wasn’t any other day and I wasn’t going to complain. We headed off to his martial arts class.

Which was turned out to be a timely thing. The theme for the month is self-control.

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Family Football

The Boy Experiences Why We Watch

We had a Kickoff party today for our returning Cub Scouts. Nothing formal, just a simple get together for the kids and the parents. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

The boy started asking about football this morning. He wanted to know if there were any games on today. After confirming there were a “few” games on today, he wanted to know if he’d be able to watch them. That was a little less straight forward. With a bunch of guests coming here today, I told him he’d probably be able to watch at some point, but I wanted him to play outside today.

Things ended up working out well from my perspective as he didn’t end up watching until the end of the Pats game. He and a few of his Scout mates wanted to check out some games. So he did a bit of surfing and found the Pats game. By that point I’d gone back outside to mingle some more.

The boy quickly appeared by my side and he had distressing news “The Patriots are losing 21-20 and there isn’t a lot of time left.” He was giving me a look like “Fix it Dad!” There was clearly some emotional investment in this game, even though he’d only been watching a few moments.

Being a veteran of such situations, I asked him who had the ball. He didn’t know, so he scampered back into the house to find out. I expect by the end of the year, he’ll come out with a complete rundown of the situation: exact time on the clock, possession, down and distance, key injuries, the works. He’ll just need a little coaching in that respect.

The boy didn’t come out and I got distracted talking with some people outside. I then became cognizant of screaming and shouting coming from in the house. Initially, I thought the boys were arguing, then I thought perhaps they’d started some sort of game. Then, they came bursting out of the house screaming “THE PATS WON!”

What followed was a rundown of what happened in about 30 seconds. From the excitement in their voices, one might have thought the Pats had just won the Super Bowl, as opposed to the first game of the season.

Nothing like a last minute come-from-behind win.

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Family

The Last Bagel

The first thing I heard when I came downstairs this morning was “Wait, you’re eating the last bagel?”

I had quite literally just rolled out of bed and stumbled downstairs. I was still feeling foggy and heading for the coffee maker to make myself a fresh cup. Despite my early morning fog condition, the boy’s immediate reaction to the revelation that the last bagel had been claimed by his sister was plain to see.

He slumped forward, his head dipping low, almost touching the counter. There was a pained expression on his face like he had a bad case of gas trapped in his stomach. He stayed like that for several seconds. By that time, I’d made my way to the coffee maker and was preparing my cup. I’d been hoping to at least get a mouthful before things got desperate.

Then, in a teary voice, the boy croaked “I can’t believe you ate the last bagel. I never get the last bagel. Did you ever think that I might want to have it?”

WOW

So much emotion over a bagel. And he “never gets the last bagel”? Who knew he kept track of such a thing? He can’t remember where his karate uniform is, but he can remember that he’s never had a “last bagel.” Then the accusation towards his sister- obviously she owes it to him to check what’s on his menu in the morning. All this emotion brought on by a bagel.

I wish I could say the humor continued from there. Unfortunately, it doesn’t. I can say, though, that I finally did get to enjoy my cup of coffee. I went and sat down on the couch to enjoy it for a few moments and was joined by the boy, whom curled up with a pout on his face. You’d have thought he’d learned that he’d been permanently placed on Santa’s naughty list.

The boy’s attitude didn’t improve until we got into the car for school. Along the way, the Wife and I both admonished him to let it go. Even after he finally did have his bagel-less breakfast, he held the grudge against his sister. For her part, the lass didn’t try to rub it in. All she wanted was to enjoy her bagel. The boy did his best to make her feel guilty about it though.

I wish I could draw a neat and tidy conclusion from this morning’s experience, but the reality is I’ve got nothing. It struck me as absurd when the boy pulled his routine this morning and it strikes me just as absurd now. The bottom line is a parent just never knows when that next crisis is going to hit.

Categories
Family

A Lesson in Cleaning

The Wife is a neat-nick.

I am not.

This is a not unimportant fundamental difference in life philosophy. Her desk is immaculate and a paragon of the old adage “A place for everything and everything in its place.” My desk, typically, has a few square inches of cleared area that moves around the desk with the piles. Kind of like those tiled-number puzzles where the object is to put all the tiles in order and there’s one open space so that all the tiles can be moved around. I defend my piles simply by stating that I remember where everything falls. An disorganized desk is a sign of an organized mind, I say.

Given our disparate views on organization and cleanliness, the Wife tends to be the enforcer where the kid’s rooms are concerned. Well, where the house is concerned really but for now we’ll focus on the kid’s rooms. She wants them picked up and tidy. She has gone to great lengths to provide cubbies for their toys so that the floors in the room can be clear for walking on. It just requires a little maintenance on the kid’s part to make the system work.

Typically, the motivation for that maintenance is provided in the form of nagging.

So today, when the Wife told them to clean their rooms, they had to interrupt their morning cartoons to go do it. SUCH AN INCONVENIENCE! They disappeared for about 5 minutes, then returned. The Wife, in the meantime, was vacuuming the floors because our dogs are blowing their coats. Again.

For whatever reason, perhaps because the quick turnaround time from the being-asked to completing their “cleaning” seemed odd, I ventured up into their rooms to see how they’d done. Just because I don’t practice it, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to do it. It also doesn’t mean I don’t know how to recognize a cleaned room. Toys still on the floor, beds unmade, clothes in various piles around the room do not a clean room make.

So I called them up and played the role of supervisor for the next 20 minutes. During this time, my most oft used phrase was “What’s that?” The second most was “Where does it belong?” They claimed they’d made their beds. After pointing out the crumpled blankets, the half-off-the-bed pillows, the mussed sheets and the stuffed animals strew hither and thither, they were chastened enough to actually make their beds. Clothes on the floor were picked up- some went into the laundry, some into drawers. Toys buried under those clothes were also picked up. Pieces of paper were pointed out and thrown out. Shoes were put in closets. Finally, they each vacuumed their rooms. All was done under my close supervision.

When it was finished, I told them both to take a good look at what they’d done. With them having done so, I then explained that was what clean looked like and there should be no confusion in the future about what’s expected of them when told to clean their rooms. They both nodded with understanding then went back downstairs to finish watching their cartoons.

I’ve got a feeling we’ll be doing this again.