It’s hard to overstate how effective taking an interest, or conversely a lack thereof, in your kid’s activities can affect their attitude towards that activity. And not just a passing interest where I ask a few questions, or go to watch them participate. I’ve found that it needs to be an honest interest where I demonstrate that I actually care.
I was clued into the phenomena by another parent. (And let me state unequivocally that other parents are the greatest resource any parent can have.) Back during the hockey season, I had a discussion with a Dad who’s son had tons of enthusiasm for hockey. It was obvious after only a few minutes of talking that his son’s enthusiasm was a direct reflection of the father’s enthusiasm. The father was quite blunt about it, stating “You have to be like that, you know? Because if you aren’t why should they?”
At the time, I was a little more reserved because my attitude was the boy should be allowed to choose what he liked or didn’t like. Why should I try to impose my likes or dislikes on him? I’ve always felt that it’s his life and it’s my place to guide, expose and encourage. But not to choose, other than in the obvious way that there are only so many things I can expose him to.
I now realize there’s a not-so-obvious consequence to that approach- not truly caring blunts their own interest. Sure, they’ll participate in the activity. But they won’t truly find any joy in it. It simply turns into another chore, something they do because they are compelled to do so.
On the other had, caring about hockey or karate or dancing or music lessons helps develop a bond with the child that transcends the parent-child relationship. Participating with the child and growing with them in the activity creates something that a parent will always have in common with them. If done right, it’s something that will always be fun and that both will remember.
I had that with my Father with football and track and field. I also had it with my Mom who has always gone to lengths to take an interest in anything me and my siblings were doing- be it reading (she’d read the books ahead of time), school projects or knitting (she taught me to knit back before knitting was cool).
I’ve also realized that it’s never too early. The boy loves Legos now because we started putting them in front of him years ago and the Wife or I would sit and help him build the project. The lass loves listening to audio books because the Wife and I sit and read to her all the time.
An old piece of advice my Father told me when the boy was born comes to mind: “Kid’s do as you do, not as you say.” At the time, he was referring to instilling good habits into kids. But now, I think the advice applies more broadly. Kids are looking for guidance all the time- how to act, what to say, what to do. Parent’s are there to, among other things, fill that void.
There are worse lessons to learn than showing that it’s good and OK to care about something.