I Have to do Everything

While watching cartoons this morning, I asked the lass to feed the Greys. She got up and then reminded me that she can’t get the bird food out of the refrigerator. So I asked the boy to get the food out of the fridge for her.

His initial response was to ignore me. Considering that I was on one end of the couch and he on the other, the probability he didn’t hear me was somewhere around 0. Rather than repeat myself, I asked him what he was doing.

He then suggested than his sister should just use a stool. Now, his suggestion was a perfectly reasonable point. There was just one problem with it: I’d already asked him to get the food down for her. After I told him that, he finally relented and huffily went to get the food.

Sensing a theme, I then asked him to put the bird food back in the fridge when his sister was done. His responded with more irritation and hostility than the first time.

After the cartoon ended and I asked him to feed the dogs, even with his previous reactions serving as a pretext, he still managed to surprise me.

He stormed towards the kitchen. A grimace of rage set in his face. He was so mad that he didn’t know where to start. He walked passed the cupboard where the dog food was, then back to get the bowls, then back to the cupboard. Then, he stormed over to the back door to call the dogs in.

I was trying to get his attention almost immediately. His response was completely off the hook and before he did anything, I wanted to know what the hell was going on. It took me several tries until I finally got his attention. In retrospect, I’m willing to bet that in that state, he really didn’t hear me telling him to stop.

He then informed me “I have to do everything and my sister just gets to sit there and do nothing.” He said it in that high-pitched, excited tone kids use when they are being confronted by a parent.

I was somewhat nonplussed by his response. Could he really actually mean that? So far, his sister had fed the birds and he had helped. Otherwise, what other things could he be talking about? Does he even understand what “everything” means?

Me: “Did you vacuum the house yesterday?”
Him: “No.”
Me: “Did you clean the bird cage yesterday?”
Him: “No.”
Me: “Did you mow the lawn yesterday?”
Him: “No.”
Me: “Are you going to make breakfast this morning?” Him: “No.” Me: “Then it doesn’t sound to me like you do anywhere near everything. Your sister just fed the birds and you were asked to help.” Him: “But she’s not helping me.” Me: “Because you don’t need help reaching the dog food in the cupboard or with feeding the dogs. We ask you to do chores and we ask your sister to do chores. It’s that simple. There’s no reason for you to be so upset. There are no favorites here. Just things that need to be done, so we ask you to do them.”

I didn’t bother explaining that he’s getting older and expectations for him will only increase. His head might have exploded.

When I released him to finish up, he continued stomping around like he wanted to bring the house down. OK, time for one more speech. I had him stop again and then told him:

“What is your problem? You are NOT the only one whom does chores around here. You have NO reason for behaving this way. In fact, I’m going to keep asking you to do things like this until you figure out that it’s easier to just get the job done than to get mad causing me to give you a speech about your behavior. If you’d just do what you were asked, it would take a quarter of the time and you wouldn’t be getting a lecture in the process. Now knock it off.”

Finally, he finished the dog feeding, sans drama.

I can think of a few possibilities for what’s going on:

1. He naturally bristles at being told what to do, indicating a dominant sort of personality. In this case, things will likely only get worse as he gets older.
2. He’s tired or hungry. These still don’t justify the behavior, but at least there’s a chance he’ll outgrow the behavior.
3. He’s a normal 7 year old, meaning things can go in any direction.

There’s probably more, but this is what I’ve got for now. The only other thing I can say is, this isn’t the first time he’s acted out towards the Wife or myself. I doubt it will be the last.