Getting the kids ready for school in the morning is kind of like an informally scheduled activity period. There’s the initial wake-up period when they first make their way down. After that is breakfast followed by helping out with any chores like feeding animals, emptying the dishwasher or what have you. There’s the brushing of teeth and if there’s any left over time they can sit and watch cartoons. There’s also making the boy’s lunch, but he’s not responsible for that. Yet. Everything culminates in the ride to school. Followed by silence. Sweet, blissful, silence.
And a bonus cup of coffee, but I digress…
Over the course of these various events, they do their usual shucking and jiving with one another. My tolerance for it largely depends on how much sleep I got the night before. Luckily for them I slept well. But their antics can lead to procrastinating as they get more wrapped up in their extra-curriculars. Usually I end up barking at them to finish their food, or refocus their attention on whatever the task as hand might be.
This morning wasn’t too different from the usual. I had to do a little more traffic directing than normal today. Typically, I’m polite about it and use “please” and “thank you” because I’m trying to set the example and because I think that’s the right way to do it. But after breakfast when they didn’t go brush their teeth, I told them to go do so and omitted the pleasantries, prompting the boy to ask:
“How come you keep bossing us around?”
This comment is one that frustrates the hell out of me. There are a number of moving parts behind it. The boy repeatedly attempts to “boss” his sister around. The Wife and I both push back against him when he does this and we specifically use the phrase “bossing around.” My own impression is that he’s patterning off of how the Wife and I deal with them when they aren’t doing things we’ve asked them to; when they are doing things they shouldn’t be; or when they are being difficult. My attitude is that “we” are the parents- meaning we are authority figures. The kids are not authority figures, excluding some wiggle room, thus they cannot get away with using the same behaviors we do.
So, in the boy’s mind, he’s not allowed to boss people around. He seems to generalize this notion to everyone else; especially where he’s concerned. Therefore, I’m not supposed to boss him around.
The nuance that I’m his father is lost on him in his internal reasoning.
Also, it’s not coincidence that his question immediately followed my first request that wasn’t prefaced with a “please.” I’ve realized the kids are really good at picking up on slip-ups, no matter how minor, on my or the Wife’s part. Ironically, they lack the requisite level of self-awareness to notice their own transgressions.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t in good enough form to come answer him with anything better than “Because I’m your father.” At least he went and brushed his teeth though.
