Category: Family

Categories
Family

Freeloading

There are any of a myriad of way the lass annoys her older brother. The one that bothers him the most, I think, is also the one I’m most sympathetic to him regarding, but also not willing to cut him any slack over. It’s when his sister freeloads off of him.

The easiest example is meal times. Both kids are capable of pouring their own milk. But 9 times out of 10, it is the boy who gets up and takes the initiative to take care of himself. Of course, the Wife and I are quite pleased that he no longer sits there whining “What can I have to drink?” But the lass sees no reason for her to get up and pour herself some milk since her brother is already on the job. So she asks him to pour her some milk as well. Multiply that by every day, or just about, and you’ll stretch the patience of any emotionally immature 8 year-old. Which is to say, all of them.

It’s one thing when this happens every now and again, it’s another when it’s day in and day out. It’s quite clear the lass knows what she’s doing and come mealtimes has demonstrated she is quite content to sit and wait her brother out.

Now, the boy has balked at this on any number of occasions. “She NEVER pours her own drink!” he as lamented on any of a number of occasions. He’s even tried simply ignoring her.

Neither the Wife nor I let him get away with that. We are quick to remind him of how many times we have poured them milk or fixed their food without any complaints on our part. We both feel it’s the courteous and proper way to behave and, as time has gone on, he has come to accept that in this scenario being first isn’t always best. The phrase “no good deed goes unpunished” is truly apt here.

This is just one scenario, but there are others I’ve noticed where the lass benefits from the boy’s initiative. Again, in these she seems to be a serial offender. So I’ve become more sympathetic to his complaints in this regard.

There is a difference in age to be accounted for here. The boy is about 18 months older, so there is definitely a developmental difference still at their current ages.

Yet I’m loathe to make too many excuses for the lass. I think we’ve always pushed them regarding taking care of themselves and perhaps this is a sign the Wife and I have to take a little more initiative ourselves to intervene quickly.

For example, rather than waiting for the boy to take care of the drink at a meal, we need to simply request that the lass take care of pouring drinks for herself and her brother. The issue isn’t so much an issue of fairness; rather, we want to make sure that some sense of entitlement isn’t adopted by the lass.

Categories
Family

Leprechaun Hunting

Being St. Patrick’s Day, what better way to spend it than hunting for leprechauns?

They scoured the yard for clues. They were hoping for just a glimpse of a guy with a beard or something. They kept wondering how big a leprechaun would be and if I or the Wife had ever seen one.

The boy even googled around to see if there were any “HowTo’s” for catching a leprechaun. No such luck, though he did read that they can be found in fields and woods. Oh, and apparently they’re nocturnal.

So after dinner, we trudged off to the corn field which sits behind our house. As a bonus, the field is lined by woods so their hopes were high. The lass brought along 2 lacrosse sticks and a sand-sifter to help catch the leprechaun. The boy wanted to bring some of our corned beef and cabbage dinner along with us to try and lure one out. We gently dissuaded him from that course of action. He ended up bringing along his boomerang. He was hoping he might accidentally hit it in the head and knock it over long enough for them to catch it. He figured he could practice throwing his boomerang as well since we were going to be in a big field.

They met with disappointment, though they had a grand adventure looking. They traipsed all over the field, looked in all of the nooks and crannies they could find. I had the dogs along with us, for protection.

After we got home, they talked to Grandma, who gave them another idea. She suggested that leprechauns like beer and peanuts. So before bed time, the boy set a bowl of peanuts, a can of Guinness, a pencil and the following note on our front porch:

Mr. Leprechaun can you please sign here if you axualy came.

Sincerely, The Boy

If you want to can you leave the book that is on Ultimid Scribble Nauts. If you don’t no what I’m talking about is is the book you can spell whatever noun or ajective you want.

I signed it “Thanks Laddy” and left some coins on the porch for him.

Categories
Family

A Crossword

The boy got stuck on the following clue while doing a crossword this morning:

  1. Ancient

The answer was a 3-letter word ending in ‘LD’, and was obvious enough but the boy couldn’t quite figure it out. So he asked me for a hint.

I said “Grandma and Grandpa.”

He replied immediately “Oh, ‘OLD’.”

Heh.

Categories
Family

Consistently Stubborn

About a week ago, the Wife had some friends over for a knit night here in the house. I was… elsewhere with the boy for the night. The lass was here with the Wife and her friends. The boy and I did arrive for the final hour or so of knit night.

Apparently, the kids left a good impression because at the Wife’s knit night last night, one of her friends remarked about how well behaved the kids were. I guess that led to a discussion about parenting in general amongst them and a comment was made that consistency is a key because the Wife and I both expect similar behavior from them.

While that’s important, I don’t think that’s quite enough.

While out shepherding the boy through his martial arts classes, we stopped at a Wendy’s for dinner. We had the privilege of sitting next to a mother with her two sons. Neither of whom would listen to her, no matter how many times she threatened them with punishment. Because they would push her to that limit, and then she wouldn’t follow through.

I mention this as an anti-example of another quality a parent needs- stubbornness.

Consistency between parents is important so the kids can’t play both ends against the middle.

But stubbornness is important because a lot of the time, a parent is one-on-one, or one-on-more-than-one, with their kid, or kids, and it’s up to that parent to get them to listen. Better than threats and anger, good ol’ fashioned stubbornness gets the job done.

That’s what it takes to wait out the tantrums, the multiple requests, the dodges, the delays and whatever else happens between the first time they are asked and when they finally decide to do as they were asked. The temptation to just say “Screw it, I’ll do it myself” is overwhelming and only a stubborn individual would choose to not take that course.

It pays off over the long run. Over time, the fights get less- they never go away. At least, they haven’t yet and I don’t expect them to anytime soon. Kids learn that they might as well listen the first time around because they understand from prior experience that Mom or Dad won’t stop nagging them until it’s done.

Categories
Family

Tales from the Shotgun Wars

A few weeks ago, we started allowing the lass to ride shotgun in the car. I knew that the decision would result in clashes with the boy, but that’s the price parents pay. Or something.

In truth, I expected a lot more fireworks right out of the gate. Instead, there appears to have been a feeling out process where each has tried to figure out the other’s tactics for attaining the prized shotgun seat. For instance, at the pickup line after school, the lass figured out that timing and position was everything and she could gain the seat by making sure she was closer to the front of the car than her brother. The boy, realizing this tactical advantage, adopted the strategy for his own. The boy has figured out that his sister likes her morning cartoons a little too much and thus gains the advantage by being first to get out the door in the mornings. The lass has yet to adjust.

Still, there really hadn’t been much in the way of arguments about one or the other always sitting in the passenger seat. Until the last couple of days, when the lass has begun to let her frustration’s boil over. She groused for the ride home in the car yesterday because the boy had out-dueled her for both the ride to and the ride from school.

So this morning, when I announced it was time to go, the boy was off like a, er, shot for his coat and backpack. The lass accused him of rushing “just to get the front seat.” The boy responded by taunting her, of course. I was the last one out the door by several seconds and when I looked up, I witnessed a new tactic in the Shotgun Wars.

Since the boy had been the first out the door, he was already climbing into the passenger seat for our Highlander. The lass had decided to allow fate to decide who would get shotgun this morning- she went to our other car and was climbing into the passenger seat as I started down our walk. Thus, it was up to me to decide would win this morning’s battle. A risky strategy on her part; but a clever one if I do say. Realizing she had surely lost if she climbed into the back of the Highlander, where the boy already sat, she gambled by forcing me to pick a car.

My first thought was, “Damn, I wish we had a 3rd car.” In the end, fuel economy won out this morning, and so did the lass. Much to the boy’s consternation, I’m sure you’ll be surprised to learn. His turn to grouse in the back.

I expect the boy will be asking which car they’ll be riding in tomorrow morning.

Categories
Family

On Dividing Chores

There’s a lot to agree with in this article. It was written in response to another article (which is linked in the above article) that the author mentions and I started to read but couldn’t finish because, well, I found it annoying. Another bite at the “men don’t do as much work as women around the house” apple, which doesn’t grow here.

At least, not like one might think.

The article talks about how the author divides chores in his house, it’s according to the maxim “whoever cares most wins.” Or, in the case of chores, loses because the person who cares most ends up doing the chore in question. I actually think this is pretty sage advise, but it will lead to a fair share of tiffs over who is doing what.

Marriage and kids are a long term deal, at least, that’s how it is where I come from. My Grandparents were married for 65+ years; my parents are closing in on 50 years; the Wife’s parents are also closing in on 50. That’s a lot of time to be together and it’s a lot of loads of laundry, time running the vacuum, cleaning the coffee maker, folding clothes, mowing lawns, home improvement projects, trips to school, dishes, cooking, trips to lessons, trips to games, and on and on and on.

The very nature of “chore” is that they don’t change and, for the most part, don’t go away. They also, sadly, need to be done. Now imagine doing them over the course of all those years and it becomes understandable why tempers occasionally flare. There will inevitably be stretches where the Wife or I get stuck with a run of one particular chore. It gets annoying for either of us.

But there are some chores I don’t do. The one that sticks in the Wife’s craw the most is dusting. I don’t dust because I don’t see the need to be doing it on the schedule that the Wife does, so she inevitably ends up doing it, i.e.- she cares the most.

I suppose by some might expect me to say I feel guilty about this. But the fact is, I don’t. I can name chores that I take care of, like mowing the lawn or cutting cord wood, that she has no particular stake in, i.e.- she doesn’t care. Rather, I do so I get to take care of it.

I don’t have any handy statistics on how normal our situation is. I like to think we’re a fairly average, normal family so I like to think the majority of families also come up with a chore responsibility arrangement that sucks suitably for everyone involved. Including the kids, who have yet to meet any chore they care about. So, assuming we’re largely representative of how things work in families, I have a hard time believing that this complaint about the division of labor at home is the problem its proponents want us to believe.

Indeed, I don’t think it’s a problem at all. It’s simply the way things are, and it favors no one. Things need to get done and someone has to step up to do them. It isn’t sexy and it won’t get government grants for research purposes, but there it is. But, if people are going to insist on some kind of division, “whoever cares most” is the way to go.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to take the dogs out for a final time before bed.

Categories
Family

The Baconator

The lass was unyielding when she rendered her judgment this morning: “Dad, you cook better bacon than Mom.”

The Wife had little choice but to concur. She had attempted to cook up some bacon last night for BLT’s and the results weren’t quite the same as mine this morning for breakfast.

The boy was in absentia this morning due to him sleeping over at a friend’s house. Thus, he wasn’t able to cast a vote, denying me the unanimous decision.

This is an important distinction and could well be the pinnacle of my fathering career. I’m not quite sure where I go from here. I’d like to be able to pass on this sort of critical life-knowledge, but I fear it is the sort of thing that can only be won through experience and the many hours spent over a hot, grease-spitting cast-iron griddle.

Perhaps one day I will be able to guide the children in their quest to become baconators themselves. If nothing else, I’ll be in position to save many a piece of bacon from a horrible, over-cooked (or worse- undercooked!) fate.

Categories
Family

Perspective

All I did was ask her to feed the dogs this morning.

A bystander might have thought I’d asked her to sacrifice a finger.

Pint sized hissy fits would be cute, if they weren’t so blisteringly infuriating. To me, it’s the mindset I figure the kids assume when they embark on this path- one of entitlement. Apparently, they should just ipso facto have uninterrupted cartoon time simply because they, the couch and Netflix exist. How dare I interrupt her with so trivial a thing as feeding the dogs.

Because I’m practiced at dealing with these things, she was in the corner almost as quickly as her attitude flared up. One second, I’d asked her to feed the dogs, the next moment I told her to go to the corner and stand there awhile. She complained the whole way, stomped a bit for good measure, then folded her arms across her chest with a “HARUMPHH!”

I waited a few seconds, then I mosied on over to the corner, fixed her with a good stare and gave her The Speech:

“You, have no right to complain about being asked to feed the dogs. Your Mother and I feed you, give you rides to school, buy you clothes, take you to dance lessons, wash your clothes, clean up after you, pick you up after school, take you to Girl Scouts, help you with school work and that’s just what I can come up with off the top of my head. I’m sure if I actually thought about it for a bit, the list would get much longer. So I will not stand here and listen to you complain about being asked to do something so simple as feeding the dogs. Do I make myself clear?”

She broke eye contact with me about half-way through the list. She didn’t break down and cry (nor was that the object) but her demeanor changed noticeably. Humbled, is the word I would use- she appeared humbled. As I walked away, she muttered an “OK, I’ll feed the dogs.”

And that was it. It was all done.

Somehow, I think I’ll be using variants of this speech for awhile.

Categories
Family

Predictions

Coming home from martial arts lessons tonight, the boy was talking about cars.

Initially, he was wondering how to tell if rare cars are old cars or just new cars that haven’t been around for long yet. He uses the term “rare” a lot lately. He seems to be fascinated by the concept, always wondering what the most “rare” thing might be whether it’s a car or an animal or a food or whatever.

He figured a kid like himself wouldn’t be able to tell the difference because he hasn’t seen enough cars to know what’s knew versus what’s old. I got him to think a bit about characteristics of old cars versus new cars. He seems to think old cars are boxier than new cars.

Then he was wondering if “horses still towed things” when I was a kid. He quickly corrected himself: “Oh, no, cars were around in the 1800’s so horses probably weren’t pulling things when you were a kid.” I paraphrase, but that’s the gist of what he said. I went on to suggest that his grandparents might have grown up with horses still towing things. I know my Grandfather delivered milk using a horse-drawn buggy of some sort.

Then he asked if things always “evolve,” which seemed like a million-dollar word coming out of his mouth. But he used it correctly. I told him how cars have changed over the years, how radios weren’t always digital and the like. Finally, he said “I think cars will be different when I’m grown up. I think you’ll just have to push a button to start them and I think that you’ll just have to say things like ‘Air Conditioning On’ to make them happen.”

He might not have to wait that long for that list to come true.

It struck me then that was the first time I’d had such a conversation with him. It was less about me answering questions and more of an exchange. It’s not like we were discussing philosophy, but we were having a talk about, well, nothing in particular.

If I play my cards right, it’ll be the first of many.

Categories
Family

Hockey Season Ends

I penned a similar in spirit post last year when hockey ended, but this year’s post will be nothing like last year’s post.

Last year, when hockey ended, the boy was done with hockey. When I say “done” I mean like I was sure he would never play the game again.

Oh the difference 8 months can make.

While both kids are glad to have their weekends back, they’ve both stated their intent to play again next year. It will be a year of change for them both, as they both will bump up to the next level of play based on age. Should make for some interesting weekends for us. But that’s all in the future.

As far as today goes, both kids finished their respective seasons well. The boy and his team rebounded from yesterday’s bitter defeat to finish their year with a win and an overall 3rd place finish. The boy had a goal and, after a slow start, played well in his final game. I didn’t think it was as good as yesterday’s effort, personally. His coaches disagreed. Winning tends to smooth over a lot of rough edges though.

The lass finished her season with a tie against the other team at their level of play. She didn’t score any goals this year, but she hustled, kept after the puck and gave herself a number of opportunities as a result.

Her game was hugely entertaining. The stands were packed with friends and family of all the players. Parent’s were urging all the kids on, cheering the goals, the shots and the nice defensive plays; laughing at the zaniness that comes with 6 and 7 years zipping around on a slippery surface with sticks in their hands; enjoying the culmination of a long season. When it was all done, the coaches had the kids give the families a well-earned bow.

Now, for a time, we get our weekends back. Even when baseball season starts up for the lass (the boy has declined to play), the mornings will be a little easier to deal with. Plus, the weather will be a bit more pleasant. But in the meantime, we’ll enjoy not having to do anything or go anywhere we don’t want of need to on Saturday and Sunday.

Categories
Family

No Championship- Today

Today was the 2nd to last day of the hockey season. Once again the Wife and I were up too early to fix breakfast for kids, also up too early, so they’d be ready to go for hockey.

For the lass, it was another practice. She spent her hour doing drills she won’t have to do again until next season. For the last 20 minutes or so they played a game. She’ll play in a final game tomorrow.

The boy will also play in a final game tomorrow, but not the one he wanted. They had a semi-final playoff game today against the “Blue Team.” There are only 4 teams in the league, thus the semi-final designation. They were playing for the right to play the “Green Team,” whose been nicknamed the “Green Machine” because they haven’t lost all season. The “Green Team” had beaten the “Orange Team” in the hour prior to the boy’s game. The boy’s team is the “Red Team,” just to complete the color ensemble.

The boy’s game was, simply put, a gem of a game. Neither team ever led by more than a single goal. It was well played, as these things go, and even better contested. In my not-so-unbiased opinion, the boy was a star for his team today. He scored their first goal less than a minute into the game where simply outskated everyone else on the ice. It was a shot of adrenaline for his teammates and they all played fantastic for the remainder of the game. The boy also had an assist and was involved in a couple other scoring possessions. It was, by far, his best effort to date.

Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. They ultimately lost 5-4. They couldn’t tie it up, even with pulling their goalie in the final minute or so.

Kids aren’t interested in life lessons, but that’s what this day will have been for him, in the scheme of things. He cried when it was over, and we let him. When he finished crying, we told him how well he’d played, as did some of the other parents of his teammates. We told him we were proud of how much effort he’d put into it and I told him that if he kept giving that kind of effort, he was certain to have days with better endings.

Categories
Family

All’s Well That Ends Well

When last we’d checked in on the boy’s martial arts training, he’d ended up on the short end of the testing stick and hadn’t advanced to his next belt. My assessment at the time was that he would just have to suck it up and make sure he did what he had to to make sure he passed this month.

To the boy’s credit, that’s what he did although it wasn’t as easy as all that.

He tested with the head instructors this past week, and they took him aside and worked a little extra with him on his stances and his form in general. It must have paid off since he got the go ahead from them to proceed to the red-black level- the last level prior to becoming a junior apprentice.

He was all smiles tonight after his graduation, as well he should be.

Categories
Family

Drama

I believe that some day, the boy will respond to his personal crises with a calm, calculating demeanor.

Today is not that day.

First up, this morning he started looking for his DS. His search started where he was sure he’d left it the night before. It continued in that general spot. It ended in that spot.

In between, he would walk away. Each time his level of agitation increasing. It “started in low, then it started to grow.” He muttered half-intelligible things like “It has to be here…” in a whiny, weepy tone. Sometimes the “here” would be more like “heeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-uh.” He dug more frantically through the area each time he went back to it, certain he had somehow just missed seeing the large black carrying case his DS resides in.

He refused to listen to anything the Wife suggested, like other spots it might be. He refused to listen to anything logical, like if it wasn’t where he was looking it was probably someplace else. “NO! IT HAS TO BE HERE! THIS IS WHERE I LEFT IT!” was the retort. He was also fatalistic, declaring it gone forever and that he needed a new one. I almost snorted my milk through my nose at that point.

He never did find it. He went to school this morning miserable, certain it would never be found. His final request to me before heading for the school doors was that I would look for it. He walked off, shoulders slumped.

I found it 5 minutes after I got home.

It was in his sister’s hockey bag. Long story short, we were drying out hockey gear and they left everything out in front of the fireplace to get it dry. When we asked them to clean up, clearly the lass also knocked the DS into her bag along the way.

The boy’s next chance to practice his crisis management skills came up just before dinner. Sometime last week, he’d ordered a book about making balloon animals through Amazon.

No seriously, he did.

That book arrived today along with a bunch of balloons and a pump for inflating them. He was very excited and opened it up immediately to see what kind of cool things he could make.

His first attempt resulted in a balloon popping in his hands.

His second attempt he tried to make a sword following the book’s instructions, but it didn’t work out. So he turned it into a dog and gave it to his sister.

His third attempt, the balloon popped while inflating it. The color started to rise in his cheeks.

His fourth attempt, the balloon popped while inflating it. He threw it’s shattered remains on the floor and screamed “WHAT KIND OF STUPID BALLOONS DOES AMAZON USE!?!” The weepy whiny tone set in shortly thereafter. “What’s the point of the balloons if they’re all going to pop?”

He made a fifth attempt. It popped as well. I’m pretty sure the noise that emanated from his voice confused any birds in the general area. Possibly some small woodland mammals as well. He grabbed the remaining pack of balloons and attempted to rip them in half. Ironically, they stretched on him and he failed.

The attempt seemed cathartic though, as he calmed down after that.

I’m certain he won’t always be this emotional about every little, or big, thing that doesn’t go his way. I was once in his shoes and the troubles of childhood can seem enormous from that myopic perspective. Somewhere along the way, perspective starts to settle in and we become a little more practiced in dealing with misfortune. Whatever form it may take. The boy isn’t there.

At least, not today.

Categories
Family

The Price We Pay?

A friend stopped over for a bit tonight and she was describing some of her trials and tribulations with her youngest son where video games are concerned. After listening to her describe his behavior, she seemed a little shocked to find out that the boy behaved very similarly at the same age while under the influence of video games. Perhaps because she’s only ever known him since he was 7, her vie of him was different. He no longer has the same tearful fits when it’s time to turn the games off nor the melt downs when he has to let his sister play. He has matured, as they say.

After she had left, the boy was working on his homework. We got yet another performance from the rushing, cranky, can’t-take-criticism-on-his-work boy. Because he has his Blue and Gold Banquet tomorrow night, we had planned on letting him stay up a bit longer to get a bit more done. But after a few minutes of abuse when we went over some of his work, we changed course and told him to go to bed.

With him in bed, the Wife and I discussed the possibility of letting him turn his work in without any corrections on our part, but giving his teacher a heads-up that a stinker was incoming. We thought perhaps getting a note from his teacher that he could do better work would finally spur him to take his time a little more and take our criticism constructively, rather than snapping at us and turning to all the drama he currently does.

Then I think of the boy who used to play video games and how it seemed like he would never change. It occurred that perhaps this is simply the way of it with him. For that matter, perhaps this is the way of it with many kids.

They kick, they scream and they call you names because their coping abilities are so meager at a young age. After a little time has passed and they develop some callouses their attitude changes a bit and they mellow out. Finally, one day perhaps, they even become civil about the whole thing.

So perhaps the behavior is just the price parents pay for trying to teach kids good habits. It’s not an indication that anything is wrong, per say. Simply that everything it as it should be, and it too shall pass.

Categories
Family

Puppet Show = Funny

The lass hand crafted a couple of paper bag puppets earlier this week. She made a cat and a person puppet. The cat was complete with a tail and collar while the person had arms. Lots of detail in both which she accomplished on her own.

Earlier this evening, she regaled us with a one-of-a-kind performance that, quite simply defies words or description. Really. I don’t even no where to begin, other than I laughed, the boy laughed and the Wife laughed.

We cried a little too…

Categories
Family

Lucky Her Head is Attached

The lass had recently come into a little money. Mostly, it had to do with Valentine’s Day and a little birthday money. She had placed the cash in an envelope.

And then, she didn’t know where the envelope went.

So we set her to looking because, while she wasn’t going to be financially secure for the rest of the life off of it, it was not insignificant enough to just shluff it off as gone for good.

So, after 30 seconds of looking, she plopped down in a huff and declared the envelope lost.

At which point the Wife got up and said “It has to be over hear somewhere because you haven’t taken it anywhere else.” She walked over to the breakfast bar a, literally, said “Found it!” after a second or so of looking.

Which prompted the lass to exclaim “How did you find it so fast when I was just over there LOOKING!?!” Then, she stamped her foot for more emphasis. Or something.

The foot stomp prompted me to get in on the act: “Because unlike you, your Mother went over there and actually looked for a red envelope. She didn’t go over there, stare at the ground, shuffle her feet for a few seconds, flap her arms a few times and pretend to look for it and then declare ‘It’s not here, I’ve looked.’ She wasn’t relying on the envelope to jump up and say ‘HELLOOOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! UNDER THE PILE OF PAPER WHERE YOU LEFT ME!’ She wasn’t relying on it to jump up and do a jig either.”

The lass got a kick out of the idea of an envelope talking or dancing to get attention. She didn’t get her envelope back right then though. The Wife took it into her care until such time as the money is either spent or stashed in a bank.

For the time being, this seems to be one of the lass’ gifts. It could be her favorite comb, some article of clothing, her lunch box, or a toy. But she manages to lose it in such a way that she can’t find them. And she can’t find them because, even though she searches, she doesn’t look.

Categories
Family

Kudo’s To Me

I’ve been working with the boy on his multiplication “facts.” That’s what they refer to them as now, as opposed to multiplication tables. It was the same thing with addition and subtraction. I guess I can’t argue with the new nomenclature as it’s correct, they are facts. Still, it rankles for some reason.

Anyway, tonight was the first night he was able to work through all of his 7’s, 8’s and 9’s. He was, understandably, pretty proud of himself.

In fact, he was so flushed with confidence that he wanted to learn how to multiply double digit numbers. I hemmed and hawed a bit, mostly out of some respect for the school. Then I came to my senses and realized “HEY! He wants to learn something and wants ME to teach him!”

What the heck was I waiting for.

So I introduced him to double digit multiplication, showing him the mechanics of how to multiply the digits together and then add the 2 results. I kept things simple, avoiding any multiplication that involved carrying. I even showed him why the math “worked”, introducing him to breaking up a number and using the distributive property. Aside from making the mistake of wanting to add for some reason, he picked up on it and was working through problems after just a couple of examples.

After we’d finished up for the night, he told me “It makes so much more sense when you explain it. When the teacher shows us this stuff, she makes it seem so complicated and stuff. But you do it and its, like, so easy.” I was quite proud of my apparent teaching chops.

Naturally, he got the next problem wrong…

Categories
Family

Ironman Extremis- Not for Kids

So I’m browsing through the Netflix browser a week or so ago and figure I’ll look for some new cartoons for the kids. They’ve watched all of the Spiderman variations several times over by now, as well as X-Men: Evolution and a few others, including an more recent Ironman cartoon.

So, for something different, I did an Ironman search. A few choices popped up and the one that caught my eye was one called Ironman: Extremis. I read the description, it was definitely animated and seemed like it might be interesting. There was only 6 episodes though, so assuming they were interested in it, it was going to be over with quickly. So I put it in the instant queue and left it at that.

The next morning, the boy found it and started it up. Curious, I started watching it with him for a bit. The first thing I noticed was that the animation was weird. Not objectionable in and of itself, but the characters were much more life-like than typical cartoon animation. Plus, it looked like the characters were layered on top of the background.

Then, a character was injected with some kind of serum into the back of his neck followed by him vomiting blood and seemingly dieing, rather graphically. The second thoughts about my cartoon choice settled in almost immediately.

Things seemed to settle down, though, as the scene shifted to a science lab of some sort with a scientist sitting at a desk. Bear in mind, there had still been no sign of Ironman or Tony Stark to this point. Any chance of continuing to watch ended with what happened next. The scientist put his papers down, pulled out a gun, and place it to his head.

As soon as he pulled the gun out, I knew what was going to happen and right then, I told the boy to turn it off. He hesitated for a second, not understanding why I’d asked him to do it. Not unreasonable since every other superhero cartoon has a gun in it at some point, that in and of itself wasn’t a reason to get excited, as far as he was concerned. He didn’t really know what was coming next.

But I did. And I really didn’t want him watching it.

Subsequent research revealed that Ironman: Extremis is an animated comic and, as I’d realized by that point, most definitely not for kids.

I ended up watching all 6 episodes one night. It’s a good story- essentially it tells of the rebirth and remaking of Ironman- it’s a parallel story to the original Ironman origin story. The “extremis” is a serum that can rewire the human body. The guy getting infected with it in the beginning becomes superhuman as a result and mortally wounds Stark as Ironman. In order to survive, Stark modifies the extremis serum and takes it himself. He recovers, with all the benefits of it, plus some enhancements. He goes on to defeat the bad guy in a climactic battle.

As far as letting an under-10 kid watch it, though, well- not on my watch. When the bad guy is originally revealed, he goes on a violent rampage killing people in an office building in graphic, brutal fashion. The initial confrontation with Ironman is equally graphic, with Ironman getting mauled: he suffers a shattered knee, a crushed hand through his armor and a crushed chest plate while he’s still in the suit. Even the scene where Stark is injected with the extremis serum is objectionable, with Stark vomiting blood repeatedly due to his internal injuries. Finally, the climactic battle is way overboard- with the baddy getting his head blown off. Literally and graphically.

It’s seems ironic that we could let the kids watch The Avengers several times now yet I won’t let them see this anytime soon. There was plenty of violence in Avengers but it was all cartoon violence, despite it’s not being animated. Contrasted that with Ironman: Extremis, a cartoon with graphic violence to such an extent that we deemed it unsuitable for the kids.

So if you like Ironman and comics and cartoons, I’d definitely recommend the story to you. But there’s no way I could recommend it for a young child.

Categories
Family

The Same But Different

We spent the day on a mountain side.

Well, sort of. The boy’s Scout Pack had their ski trip today. It was supposed to have been last week but, you know, weather. I’d actually decided to postpone it to this week a day or so prior to the storm. Ironically, more snow was forecast for today. But only a dusting- maybe a couple of inches was supposed to fall. Amazing what 2 feet will do to establish perspective on snow fall.

In the end, a little snow fell this morning. Just enough to frost the trees and make the ride a pretty one, but it didn’t affect travel in the slightest.

So the kids spent the day in a group lesson and the Wife and I spent the day with other Pack parents who were non-skiers but wanted to take advantage of the Pack’s offer to let their kids learn to ski. It ended up being a pleasant day as we all had lunch together and kibitzed about all things parenting.

I have to say, even after having been a parent for almost 9 years now, I still love listening to other parents talk about their kids. When the kids were young, listening to other parents made me realize that very few, if any, of the trials we went through with ours were unique. Similarly, neither were our responses.

Listening to the parents today talking about their kids, I realized there is a bit of fine tuning to that thought. When considering the type of person a child is, it’s apparent that they can be broadly brushed into types that are amazingly similar from child to child. The kids who are afraid to fail; the kids who are happy go lucky; the kids who are bright; the kids who are athletic; the kids who get along with everyone.

Even though these 1000-foot views of our kids can make them all seem pretty similar, the differences start emerging pretty quickly once we start zooming in. Two athletic kids who have picked up totally different sports; two smart kids where one is stronger in math than the other; one kid afraid to fail at any sports related activity while another is afraid to fail in competition. These differences are important because the way one parent tries to address things must necessarily be different from the way another parents addresses a seemingly similar trait. Plus, how does the child take criticism? Another detail to consider.

There’s much to be learned from other parents. We all struggle with similar issues where kids are concerned. Sometimes, we get lucky by picking up on some insight in how to deal with certain types of behavior. Sometimes, we find out that our current approaches aren’t all that different.

We’re all on the same journey, but the paths are completely different.

Categories
Family

Resorting to Drama

The boy still gets frustrated with his homework. Actually, no- that’s not quite right. The boy gets frustrated with the Wife and about his homework when he asks us to look over his work.

We point out errors in his math his brow starts to furrow. We point out mistakes in his reading comprehension and his shoulders slump. We point out grammar problems in his writing and there’s an audible thump as he drops his head onto the table.

Then he says something like “I must be the dumbest kid in the entire world.”

Welcome to drama, the boy style.

The lass is getting dressed for her hockey practice. She grumbles as she puts on her shin guards. She complains when she pulls her hockey socks over her legs. She whines as she pulls on her shoulder pads. Finally, at the rink, she puts on her helmet and roars “STUPID HELMET! IT DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT!” She’s near tears now.

Welcome to drama, the lass style.

Both kids seem to have hit a patch here where the Wife and I are constantly dealing with these sorts of exaggerated crises or bouts of self-pity. There isn’t any real predictor for when it will happen, though fatigue or low blood-sugar are definitely correlated. The fits can come over just about anything: clothes, food, sports, school, homework, chores.

For all its unpredictability, there are several body language signs that one of these fits of drama are imminent. For one, they’ll become sullen and verbally unresponsive. For two, they’ll often become very reluctant to move and any exhortations to get them are met with increasingly hostile looks.

Anymore, the Wife or I simply walk away from this stuff or completely ignore it. We’ve come to the conclusion that it’s mainly for show and attempts to short-circuit it generally end up intensifying the behavior. We were initially concerned about the boy’s lines like above where he states “I’m the worst ever!” about one thing or another. But we’ve come around to the thinking that it’s at best an attempt to vent frustration, at worst an attempt at gaining sympathy. So we leave it be.

And wait for it to pass.

Most of the time, the moment does pass. Though sometimes we will have to tell the offender to walk away from their problem for awhile, if feasible. If not, we might occasionally try to refocus them and then come back around to whatever has been frustrating them. When they become overly emotional about any given source of angst it’s all but impossible to reason with them. For that matter, that’s why the Wife and I tend to ignore them when they get to that point- it serves as a subtle hint for them to settle down that they’ll respond to sometimes, depending on how far down the rabbit hole they’ve gone.

I will say it isn’t always easy to deal with them when the get in this state. When I find myself arguing with them or getting sucked into their world in those moments, I often find myself thinking “Be the adult.” A scary thought, for sure, when I’m the one thinking like that.