There are any of a myriad of way the lass annoys her older brother. The one that bothers him the most, I think, is also the one I’m most sympathetic to him regarding, but also not willing to cut him any slack over. It’s when his sister freeloads off of him.
The easiest example is meal times. Both kids are capable of pouring their own milk. But 9 times out of 10, it is the boy who gets up and takes the initiative to take care of himself. Of course, the Wife and I are quite pleased that he no longer sits there whining “What can I have to drink?” But the lass sees no reason for her to get up and pour herself some milk since her brother is already on the job. So she asks him to pour her some milk as well. Multiply that by every day, or just about, and you’ll stretch the patience of any emotionally immature 8 year-old. Which is to say, all of them.
It’s one thing when this happens every now and again, it’s another when it’s day in and day out. It’s quite clear the lass knows what she’s doing and come mealtimes has demonstrated she is quite content to sit and wait her brother out.
Now, the boy has balked at this on any number of occasions. “She NEVER pours her own drink!” he as lamented on any of a number of occasions. He’s even tried simply ignoring her.
Neither the Wife nor I let him get away with that. We are quick to remind him of how many times we have poured them milk or fixed their food without any complaints on our part. We both feel it’s the courteous and proper way to behave and, as time has gone on, he has come to accept that in this scenario being first isn’t always best. The phrase “no good deed goes unpunished” is truly apt here.
This is just one scenario, but there are others I’ve noticed where the lass benefits from the boy’s initiative. Again, in these she seems to be a serial offender. So I’ve become more sympathetic to his complaints in this regard.
There is a difference in age to be accounted for here. The boy is about 18 months older, so there is definitely a developmental difference still at their current ages.
Yet I’m loathe to make too many excuses for the lass. I think we’ve always pushed them regarding taking care of themselves and perhaps this is a sign the Wife and I have to take a little more initiative ourselves to intervene quickly.
For example, rather than waiting for the boy to take care of the drink at a meal, we need to simply request that the lass take care of pouring drinks for herself and her brother. The issue isn’t so much an issue of fairness; rather, we want to make sure that some sense of entitlement isn’t adopted by the lass.
One reply on “Freeloading”
My view of this situation would call this ‘manipulation’ – and perhaps defined responsibility for both lad and lass might help minimize the pattern … Perhaps, the lad might also be advised to ‘turn the table’ and make simple, reasonable requests of his sister to equal the playing field !