On Dividing Chores

There’s a lot to agree with in this article. It was written in response to another article (which is linked in the above article) that the author mentions and I started to read but couldn’t finish because, well, I found it annoying. Another bite at the “men don’t do as much work as women around the house” apple, which doesn’t grow here.

At least, not like one might think.

The article talks about how the author divides chores in his house, it’s according to the maxim “whoever cares most wins.” Or, in the case of chores, loses because the person who cares most ends up doing the chore in question. I actually think this is pretty sage advise, but it will lead to a fair share of tiffs over who is doing what.

Marriage and kids are a long term deal, at least, that’s how it is where I come from. My Grandparents were married for 65+ years; my parents are closing in on 50 years; the Wife’s parents are also closing in on 50. That’s a lot of time to be together and it’s a lot of loads of laundry, time running the vacuum, cleaning the coffee maker, folding clothes, mowing lawns, home improvement projects, trips to school, dishes, cooking, trips to lessons, trips to games, and on and on and on.

The very nature of “chore” is that they don’t change and, for the most part, don’t go away. They also, sadly, need to be done. Now imagine doing them over the course of all those years and it becomes understandable why tempers occasionally flare. There will inevitably be stretches where the Wife or I get stuck with a run of one particular chore. It gets annoying for either of us.

But there are some chores I don’t do. The one that sticks in the Wife’s craw the most is dusting. I don’t dust because I don’t see the need to be doing it on the schedule that the Wife does, so she inevitably ends up doing it, i.e.- she cares the most.

I suppose by some might expect me to say I feel guilty about this. But the fact is, I don’t. I can name chores that I take care of, like mowing the lawn or cutting cord wood, that she has no particular stake in, i.e.- she doesn’t care. Rather, I do so I get to take care of it.

I don’t have any handy statistics on how normal our situation is. I like to think we’re a fairly average, normal family so I like to think the majority of families also come up with a chore responsibility arrangement that sucks suitably for everyone involved. Including the kids, who have yet to meet any chore they care about. So, assuming we’re largely representative of how things work in families, I have a hard time believing that this complaint about the division of labor at home is the problem its proponents want us to believe.

Indeed, I don’t think it’s a problem at all. It’s simply the way things are, and it favors no one. Things need to get done and someone has to step up to do them. It isn’t sexy and it won’t get government grants for research purposes, but there it is. But, if people are going to insist on some kind of division, “whoever cares most” is the way to go.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to take the dogs out for a final time before bed.