I Almost Felt Bad

I decided it was finally time to setup our pool in the backyard. It had taken a fair amount of effort to set it up last year, excavating the site by hand, leveling it and then spreading a tarp and sand to finish off the ground prep. When it came time to close it down in the Fall, I chose to leave the sand and the tarp, figuring I’d rather not redo all the work again come Spring time. Besides, if it snowed it would all end up buried by snow.

Of course, we got no snow this Winter, so that part didn’t pan out. But, it is time to set up the pool again and all that was required was to level the sand again. So I purchased 5 more 50 pound bags of sand to help get the job done.

The lass, upon realizing what was going on, was more than a little eager to help. Both kids have been asking about the pool for awhile now. The moment had finally arrived.

One way we’re fortunate with the kids is they both like to help. We’re unfortunate, for the moment anyway, in that they are not terribly capable. Time and a little experience will take care of the latter problem. So today was a chance for the lass to help a bit.

She appeared after the new sand had been laid down the sand and roughly spread around. She wanted to help. Unfortunately, this was an area where she couldn’t do much because it required some precision and patience. The former not being a trait a 6-year-old possesses and the latter not being something the lass possesses. None the less, an opportunity to help was promised, but she had to wait for the work with the sand to be completed. While waiting she kept absent mindedly wandering onto the sand and I asked her a couple times to watch what she was doing and not walk on the sand.

That led to the moment where I snapped a bit at her. No resulting disciplinary laryngitis or anything, but I jumped on her because I’d just finished leveling and smoothing the sand when she once again wandered onto it. (They do have a sandbox, BTW. Too bad they don’t use it more…) Now I had to redo work because she hadn’t been paying attention.

I knew I’d hit a nerve because she assumed the position: eyes staring off into the middle distance, lower lip protruding, somewhat hazy look in her eyes. She then silently and slowly turned her back on me and walked over to a somewhat private spot under the deck.

She was crying a little and didn’t want me to see.

As she did so, I gave her a bit of time and went about fixing the work she’d botched on me. I didn’t want her to think her help wasn’t welcome, but she needed to wait for a moment where her she could assist and I told her so.

She recovered quickly and when it was time to place the pool liner, she was able to help. She also helped unfold it and smooth out the wrinkles so the pool bottom would be smooth. She also helped a bit with the garden hose during the initial pool fill up- you know, making sure the water went into the pool and all.

So she got over her little moment and was able to help out. It’s not a pleasant site when you’re child reacts like that to the force of your words. But it has to be kept in mind that they did something to provoke the response. Otherwise, the logical outcome is that you’re constantly adjusting to living in their world (because you modify your behavior in order to not hurt their feelings). I don’t think that’s a place any parent should be.