Adopted Behavior

When the lass heard the magic word yesterday, she started to get choked up and wanted to know if the cat would be alright. She was close to tears and we told her that the cat would be fine because he was already inside. This revelation settled her down some, but concern was still visible on her little face. She gets that way nowadays when thunderstorms are in the air.

The boy, for his part, claims to not be afraid of thunderstorms. I’ll believe it when I see it. He claimed the same thing last year, but still came downstairs at night if he awoke because of a thunderstorm.

What makes the situation interesting is that it wasn’t always this way. The boy has always been afraid of thunderstorms. Not so the lass, whom started manifesting the phenomena a couple of years ago. I find it interesting because I think the lass has actually made herself afraid of thunderstorms.

A couple years ago, the boy’s reaction to thunderstorms was much sharper. We tried many things to help him cope including Grandma giving him a “Thunder Backpack” filled with goodies for him to bring out whenever a storm was rolling through. We tried letting him watch the weather channel so he could “see” the storm move past us. Mostly, we did our best to comfort him without encouraging the behavior. In the end, he has to be brave enough to deal with it on his own.

But all the while, the lass was watching. Storms would roll through and the really wouldn’t bother her. But then she started to imitate her brother’s behavior during storms. At first it was just a little- she’d climb into my lap or the Wife’s lap as her brother did. She even wanted her own “Thunder Backpack.”

Again, we tried to walk the line of comforting but not encouraging. But as time went on, her reaction became sharper as well. Now, she’s at the point as I described at the beginning, where she gets visibly shaken and choked up.

So as to prevent confusion- I’m not blaming the boy, or anyone else. What I’m saying is that she observed a behavior in her brother and, for whatever reason be it a desire for parental attention or thinking that’s how she’s supposed to behave, she started imitating her brother’s reaction to thunderstorms. At least, I think that’s what she has done.

Taking a step back, it probably shouldn’t be so surprising to me. The kids do, after all, adopt behaviors they see in their friends at school. Some for the better and some for the worse. It’s all part of finding their way. I guess what surprised me in this situation is the willingness to make herself afraid of something. I would not expect a child to choose to adopt that kind of behavior.

I’m confident she will grow out of it. It’s not in her nature to be afraid. But it’s a point to keep in mind in the years to come as our influence diminishes and their friends’ influence grows. Depending on their perception of cause and effect, and how that fits in with their desires of the moment, the decisions they will make won’t always make sense to us.