A Conversation with the Lass

“Daddy, how come some people don’t respect the American Flag?”

She’s already talking about politics? At the age of 5? More importantly, how do I answer that question?

Like this: “Well, some people don’t really respect anything, so why would they bother to respect the Flag, right?” I know it’s bad form to answer a question with a question, but hey- I gotta make due.

“But you’re supposed to respect the pouch!”

What? What pouch? Did she really say “pouch?”

“Respect the what?” I asked.

“Respect the POUCH.” she answered emphatically.

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh, respect the pouch!. This is definitely a conversation I can handle..

I think.

“Yeah, sure. You should respect the pouch.” I reply.

“Yeah, or funny things will happen to you like your head will TURN INTO A BALLOON!” She started laughing when she said that last part.

And just like that, I’m not so sure I can handle this conversation. I decide to test the waters:

“You know that stuff doesn’t really happen, right?”

She pauses. It’s too long. “Yeah, I know that Dad. But you’re supposed to respect the pouch.”

What do I say to that? Is there a right response? How did I end up in an episode of Seinfeld starring the lass?

“Daddy, I taught the kids on the bus the Godzilla song. They didn’t know it, but now they do. I sang it to the bus driver too.”

Is there a guy with a camera? Or has somebody mind-linked with her and is now messing with me? We’ve gone from respecting the flag to respecting pouches to Godzilla songs in a matter of minutes. Plus, she’s teaching it too other kids. What Godzilla song? Well, this one.

“Do the other kids know who Godzilla is?” That seems like a reasonable question at this point.

“Yeah. One of them has a D-V-D.” That last part is dripping with envy. I guess life would be complete with a Godzilla DVD.

“WOAH! That person is driving WAY to fast!”

Not as fast as the topics of this conversation though. Not even close.