Some quick background-
First, about 6 months ago or so one of my parents’ dogs passed away. It was a completely unexpected passing- she was a young and energetic Bernese Mountain Dog. Mom was upset enough to call me minutes after it happened. I remember being at swimming lesson with the kids and being shocked at the news. Later that evening I told the Wife, who was equally stunned, and the decision was made not to say anything to the kids.
Second, a couple of weeks ago we were down visiting my parents- the first visit since the dog had died. We finally told the kids about it prior to leaving. We didn’t want them obsessing about it down at their place, as is their (understandable) custom about such things. While we were visiting, the Red Lored Amazon Mom had rescued about 15 years ago had to be put to sleep due to the development of cancer. Unlike the dog, Mom had a suspicion the bird was failing because of it’s behavior prior to the vet visit. Still, it wasn’t an easy thing. The bird not returning home from the visit to the vet took a little for the kids to wrap their minds around. The boy most particularly, who disappeared for a bit to contemplate events on his own upon realizing what had transpired.
And that brings us to last night.
The Wife had the kids call Grandma to thank her for the recent gift of books she had sent. The lass went first and said her thanks and chatted for a few moments. Then she passed the phone to her brother so he could do his diligence.
The first words out of this mouth:
Hi Grandma, did anything else die?
The Wife and I just about fell on the floor. I sharply rebuked him and he changed the subject, a little confused. I’m not sure what Grandma’s reaction was on the other end, but I did hear the boy say “Hello? Grandma?” a couple of times prior to thankfully changing the subject. The Wife took the phone afterwards and apologized. Trying to make the most of it in my own inimitable way, I told the Wife to tell her she’d just made the blog.
I guess this is evidence that ‘tact’ is a learned behavior. Of course, upon reflection it’s an understandable sort of thing. From his perspective, both animals, which he was very much aware of, were just all of a sudden gone. No warning or chance to absorb what-was-to-be. The boy was defensive about it afterwards and I softened my stance. He wanted to understand why the question was inappropriate. I’m not sure that I was able to properly explain either.
After all, now it was my turn to process recent events.
4 replies on “The Shoe on the Other Foot”
For your own peace of mind … the Grandma’s reaction was NOT the same shock you and the wife had. I was trying VERY hard not to laugh out loud at his question. In his innocence, the boy was simply observing a pattern that has occurred at grandma’s house of late … loosing a pet is sometimes the easiest and least painful way for a youngster to learn the lesson of loss … lots of lessons to learn all around – but mostly: Kids DO SAY the darnedest things!
Yeah- I figured that was likely.
You have to admit, he framed the question properly, at least he didn’t make it accusatory, as in, “Grandma, did you and Grandpa kill anything else?” Now that would have been a heck of a comment for him to make out of the blue!
Some day he will learn the difference between things dying and things being killed, and unfortunately, that is when his eyes will really open up to the beautiful world we all live in daily! Thankfully in your neck of the woods, he can probably avoid stories like that on the local news, that will not always be the case.
Local news is out of Hartford so he could get exposed to it from there. The topic is hardly taboo. But we try not to shove it down his throat with a fire-hose either.
In this case, it was just the out-of-the-blue nature of it. I realized quickly that I’d over-reacted. Oh well. Can’t have it back.