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Family

Homework Torture

One thing the Wife and I consistently when correcting the kids’ homework is we tell them something is wrong, but not what exactly it is. This tactic is most effective with math, but certain other homework that involves multiple choice or simple question and answer formats are fair game.

Of the two, the boy is the more easily provoked when we do this. Unfortunately for himself, he doesn’t have anyone else to blame but himself. He’ll take the homework back and quickly gloss over all of his answers and declare “There’s nothing wrong.” He’ll then start a game of trying to tease some detail out of us. He’ll want a hint or he’ll just feign that he doesn’t care and say he’s turning it in. He’s never followed through on that, which is bad for bluffing.

Often times, he’ll go to the other parent for confirmation that he does, in fact, have some errors. Mostly, he’s hoping the other parent will spill the beans.

The great irony of all the effort he goes through is that all the time he wastes trying to get us to tell him could be spent searching it out. In fact, most times he could figure it out in little more time than it took him to complete that portion of homework himself. We typically point this out to him, and receive annoyed grunts in return.

The lass, too, will get frustrated. But she doesn’t typically go through all the shenanigans attempting to get us to tell her exactly what is wrong. Her homework assignments are short enough that she doesn’t feel the need yet I guess.

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Family

Art Lessons

We did our annual town Trick-or-Treat night thing with the kids this evening. A neighboring town has all the businesses in the downtown area setup candy so kids can walk the street and get some candy. It works well for us since we don’t have a ready neighborhood to traipse around. The kids get to dress up, get some candy and satisfy their sweet tooth for a bit.

There were a couple of differences between this year’s rendition and past years. The first is that it was cold. Not bone-chilling but with temps in the low 40’s and the Sun basically hidden in the downtown area, it was a bit uncomfortable. In the past couple of years, the cold hadn’t really settled in until close to Thanksgiving.

The other difference is that when it was all done, the lass and the Wife met up with some friends to take an art class at one of the shops. The Wife had set it up awhile back. This art shop supplies all the materials, instruction and food! They went through all the steps for how to paint a cat and a pumpkin. The Wife explained how they started with a pumpkin shape, then added the cat’s head above it. The instruction continued in this way and included mixing colors as well as adding in shading and texture. By the end of the night, the lass and the Wife both had paintings that were recognizable as a cat with a pumpkin.

Which got me to thinking- the Wife voluntarily spent money to get an art lesson with the lass. So there’s some kind of market for that service. What if schools had to slim down and chose to axe the art department in an effort to focus on more core material? Does this serve as an indicator that art could continue to flourish? What if the school system is taking money away from people like this because most parents assume their kids get their fill of art at school? Sure, the Wife found this opportunity and took advantage of it but how many others don’t bother?

I doubt I’ll ever be around to see something like that given an opportunity, but it does serve as food for thought about what other disciplines this could apply to. How about gym classes? Parents could sign their kids up for gymnastics or karate or dance to satisfy a physical activity need.

Broadening our scope significantly, what if “school” was less formal and more a matter of what parents chose to educate their kids in? Perhaps governments could establish rules related to kids needing to get certain educational needs, but it would be up to the parents to figure out how to supply them? Thus, a whole industry could be born whereby knowledgeable people supply instruction in various disciplines. Ideally, in this situation, taxes could be reduced since there is no longer a physical school to maintain. Then, parents would have the spare income to spend on their kids.

The cynic in my realizes that therein lies the rub. Without taxes, the opportunity for graft is greatly reduced. Thus, this sort of arrangement would be widely panned. Still, I kind of like it.

UPDATE: Here are the two paintings. The picture has been cropped to protect the innocent…

image

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Family

Patience

I’ve been working with the boy on his multiplication and division techniques the past few days. I’ve generally been less than impressed with the pace of the math program here. I’ve also been flabbergasted as to some of the techniques they are teaching kids which, in my view, add unnecessary extra steps that make arriving at the correct answer error prone.

Tonight I was working with him on division. My approach was to show him how to do it while explaining each step. Then, started involving him more and more on subsequent problems. Finally, I started giving him the problems to work on his own.

He struggled with it. He’d forget a step, or get confused by a step, or make a calculation error. Then he’d start to get frustrated with himself.

And that’s where I realized that I was the one who had to exercise patience. Here, the math is easy for me, while he’s the one trying to learn it. Just because I can do division easily doesn’t mean he’ll figure it out in a few minutes. It takes time for him to master the steps involved and it isn’t going to happen in a single night with 30 minutes of instruction.

Another mistake I find myself making trying to think back to what I might have been doing at his particular age. But it’s irrelevant what I was doing because he’s not me. It seems such an obvious point, but I’ve found it’s an easy one for me to miss.

So for all the times I’ve told the kids to be patient, it turns out that I must practice what I preach. Just because I’m grown up doesn’t mean I can’t benefit from the same lessons the kids do.

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Family

It’s Not You

We had a Halloween themed Pack meeting for our Cubbies today. It was a very active meeting. After the opening flags, we got right into a series of games consisting of bobbing for apples, pumpkin bowling and a candy corn relay race. The numbers and timing were such that when the relay race completed, we rotated the kids around to the next activity. From there, I handed out awards to the boys and then we finished the meeting with pumpkin carving. The meeting ran late and, for all the activity and stimulation, all the kids hung in well and behaved. They even helped clean up when it was over.

During the meeting, one of the Mom’s was given some grief by her daughter. To me, it was a familiar act since I’ve watched the lass run the same game on the Wife and I many a time. The daughter was trying to lay a guilt trip on her Mother for spending more time with brother, who’s a Bear Scout, during the meeting. The Mom was, in fact, there with 3 kids and did an admirable job of managing all three through the evening. It was during the pumpkin carving that the little tiff presented itself. At one point, the Mom looked up at me with an expression like “You see what I have to put up with?”

Later, during the cleanup, this Mom was stating that she was embarrassed by the way her daughter behaved. She thought she was the only one with those problems. Clearly, she doesn’t read this blog enough. I told her there was nothing her kids were doing that any other parent hadn’t had their kid do to them. Another Mom piped in with her own horror story of embarrassing child misbehavior. The original Mom seemed to be genuinely surprised that other people had these issues.

Of all the things I’ve learned during my time as a parent, this was easily the most surprising and also the biggest help: we are not the only ones. Any given parent is not the only one who has had their child throw temper tantrums in public. That parent is not the only one that has experienced their child answering back to them. That parent is not the only one that has had a meal ruined by their kids bickering and arguing. Even parents of children with special needs aren’t alone, I’d wager. Within that community I’m sure that there are many common parenting experiences and frustrations as well.

I’d say an overwhelming majority of parents try to do right by their kids. We don’t want to have to yell and scream at them. We don’t want to fight with them. We don’t want to be treated as the enemy. We’re trying to help them grow up. I think the natural tendency is to blame ourselves when our kids misbehave or “embarrass” us.

But kids have their own minds and keep their own counsel. They are immature and selfish. They want what they want, when they want in a way of their choosing. That they exhibit these traits doesn’t make us bad parents. It doesn’t even make them bad kids- it just make them normal kids and it’s up to the parents to push back, to deny, to fight, and even to scream to teach them and guide them as to what is appropriate behavior.

Realizing this removes a huge burden from parents because, suddenly, it’s not something that we are doing to our kids. It’s something- a phase, a part of growing up, whatever- that every kids has to go through. Viewed in this way, the problem to worry about isn’t “what we did,” it’s “what we do.” Parenting with the realization that you have not screwed your child up is a lot less stressful.

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Family

The Crankies

“The Crankies” visited the boy this morning. He has to go do a fundraiser with me this morning for Scouts and he didn’t want to. “WHAT?!? You mean I have to go and do fundraisers every day for the rest of my life!?!” he exclaimed when the Wife reminded him. Prior to that, he’d been engaging in other favorite cranky behavior, needlessly antagonizing his sister.

As for the fundraiser, never mind that we do it for about a month-and-a-half out of the year. Never mind that he actually enjoys doing it. Never mind that I’ll spend the remainder of the year trying to make his Scouting experience fun fruitful. Never mind that he only has to work for an hour today (THE HORROR!!) All that seems to matter is it interferes with his busy Saturday and weekend schedule consisting of… nothing.

He loves to poke at the lass when he’s cranky. He’ll intentionally poke her, (nothing hard- just enough to be annoying like only a brother can manage) until she’s literally screaming at him to stop. When he’s called out he accuses her of being a baby and always making a big deal of out nothing. If she gets up, he’ll slide over into her spot on the couch, which he knows will infuriate her when she returns. He also tends to make lots of snide comments about her- subtle put-downs and such that individually aren’t a big deal. But taken together with the steady drip-drip-drip of a leaky faucet add up to more than their constituent parts.

If it isn’t the boy, then it’s the lass who gets “The Crankies.” She tends to exhibit different behaviors. Namely, an out-of-control defiance for everything. Tell her to make her breakfast and she’ll put on a frown, fold her arms across her chest and say “Hmmmph. I’m not hungry.” Ask her to feed the dogs and she’ll repeat the above with the modification that she “always feed the stupid dogs. Why doesn’t my brother ever feed them?” Never mind that he fed them just yesterday.

There is no cure for “The Crankies.” At least, no sure fire cure. Depending on the severity of the affliction, distractions or redirection can work. Sometimes, feigning excitement for something they like can snap them out of it. Other times, getting some food in them fixes things.

Just as often as not, however, nothing works and the only saving grace is that they get dumped at school for the day and we get a reprieve from them for 6 hours or so. It’s a crap shoot whether “The Crankies” are gone by the time they get home.

It’s almost enough to be willing to use them as collateral for renting an iPhone. Although in all likelihood, Apple would be demanding their phone back well before the rental was up.

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Family

On Pushing Your Kids

A few years back, we started the boy on his martial arts lessons. I say a few years… I guess it would be a bit over 3 years now. As it stands, he’s well on his way to earning a junior black belt, an interim belt level that pre-teen kids can earn at the school. The instructors very rarely award full black belts to pre-teen kids because the curriculum is much more advanced and challenging, including self-defense techniques against weapons. The boy is at the point now in his training where he’s looking forward to classes and practice and even voluntarily practices outside of class.

It was not always so.

In fact, when he first started out there were many a tearful day where he didn’t want to go. He was too tired he’d say, or he just didn’t feel like it. It wasn’t infrequent that he claimed he didn’t like martial arts.

Yet the Wife and I persisted and struggled with him and kept getting him to his classes. Often times, when he put up the biggest stinks about going, he would get into class and clearly enjoy himself. Just as often, when the class ended he’d quickly change to a grousing demeanor. But if we asked him if he’d enjoyed the class, he would begrudgingly admit he had. So we continued to push him along.

We were always on the lookout for a point where it was clear he was not enjoying the classes. Had it become clearly evident, I like to think we would have ceased making him go to fulfill his obligations.

When he was in 1st grade, the boy was involved in something all year long. He started with Scouts and martial arts in the fall. Then moved on to hockey through the Winter. Finally, he concluded with baseball in the Spring. By the end of the Spring, he was doing something all but one day of the week.

I’ll never forget the night he came home with about 2 weeks to go in the baseball season and basically cried uncle. At that point, he had a coach pitch game to attend and he flat out didn’t want to do it. He lamented “I never have any time to do anything I want because I’m always doing either karate, baseball or Scouts.”

That was the last year he played organized baseball. We’ve offered to let him do it every year since. Every year since, he’s declined. He underwent a similar trajectory with soccer. After having played in the Fall leagues for the past couple of years, he chose to stop this year and the Wife and I let him.

It’s hard for me to say what the difference is between karate and baseball and soccer in this context. I suppose part of it is, at the time, he had more invested in karate (even if he couldn’t understand that). Another part of it is, frankly, I’m not a baseball or soccer guy so I wasn’t going to be heart broken about him not wanting to play.

But another part is that he was, and is, still young. So how hard were we going to push him to be doing things and going places and committing himself to activities if he really didn’t want to be doing them? On the one hand, we want to instill in him the need to work and practice to hone and develop skills so he can be accomplished at a skill. In that consideration, allowing him to quit seems counter productive. On the other hand, why run the risk of burning him out when he still has so much mental and physical growth to undergo?

Where are the lines drawn? And how much do we let him draw them?

The Wife and I both only have our own experiences growing up to inform our choices: the things we like and the things we didn’t like. But still, that experience is of limited utility because our kids are not us and we are not our parents. Parallels and patterns may present themselves, but there are no rules, no hard and fast lessons to be applied.

Ultimately, we’ve tried to walk a balance. We try encourage and push him in things that we think are important. We try and instill a sense of drive and obligation to complete a task that isn’t easily completed with those things. And we give him options for things to explore and pursue so that he might eventually find something he is truly passionate about.

I have my doubts that he’ll become a lifelong martial artist and I have my doubts that he’ll want to become an Eagle Scout. But I like to think that when he finally does find a passion, he’ll know how to go about fulfilling it.

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Family

Really?

I’m sitting here on the couch with the kids.  It’s halftime now so they are getting a little bored.   The lass sticks her tongue out.

The boy takes this as an invitation.  He starts squeezing her head so her jaw clamps down on her tongue.   The lass is mildly amused by this which encourages the boy to take the next step.

He starts bumping the underside of her jaw with one hand while pushing down on the top of her head with the other.  He tries it once, twice, three times.

At which point I’ve had enough.  “What do you think you’re doing?” I start with.

He looks at me, unsure what to say.  He’s got a deer-in-the-headlights look that confirms he was not thinking at all.

“What do you think is going to happen if you keep doing that?” I then asked.

“Ummm, I don’t know.  You’re going to yell at me?”

He’s not wrong.  I suspect, however, he still doesn’t get it.

“Will that be before or after you successfully get her to bite her tongue?” I ask.

“Oh, well I knew that woud happen…”

“So wait,” I cut him off.  “You mean you know that you’ll eventually hurt her and that you’ll get in trouble for it but you’re doing it anyway?  That’s sooo much better.  I mean, that’s just brilliant.”  I turned up the sarcasm to 11.

Now he got it.  His face fell and he stopped.  There were no snappy comebacks or attempts to laugh it off.  He fully comprehended the foolishness of what he was doing.

I don’t know when either of them will start demonstrating the ability to think about what they are doing and the likely consequences.   It won’t come soon enough.

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Family

Hello?

The Wife and I are raking the yard today.  While we’ve been working, the boy is walking around with a rake in his hands.  He keeps asking random questions about school and books he’s read.  The rake in his hands voes unused.

Finally, I ask him “So are you going to use that rake in your hands or just wander around with it?”  I was a touch accusatory with my tone.

He replied, just a little sheepishly, “Well, I’m not sure where you want me to start.”

This is what the yard looks like:

image

image

I simply spread my arms and motioned in the general vicinity of the yard.  It’s hard to figure them out sometimes.

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Family

A Walk in the Woods

I’d finished up a little archery practice after dinner when the kids cornered me and wanted to know if I’d go on a hike with them. It wasn’t too late, yet. The light was fading fast though as it was close to 6 o’clock. In truth, I really didn’t want to go. I think that, sometimes, I tell them “No” too many times when they want me to do something with them. That’s a funny thing to say considering my situation, but there it is.

Counter-intuitively, that probably makes it easier for me to say it. I’m around them so much that I never want for “kid time.” Most of that time, though, is kind of the family equivalent of “business.” Going to school, picking up from school, meals, going to martial arts, and all the other running around. Doing things that are just fun and frivolous aren’t as frequent anymore.

So, in the end, I took them for a hike.

I grabbed a flashlight and a toothpick (just finished dinner, remember?) and we headed out. There are two ways we could go that don’t involve roads- South and North. South is a short hike that skirts the several neighbors’ backyards and ends near a stream. North takes us to a different part of the stream that we can cross. From there, it’s fields and woods into the next town.

We went North.

“What’s that for?” the boy asked pointing at the flashlight.

“It gets dark quick nowadays,” I replied.

“What’s that for, Dad?” asked the lass about 5 seconds later. She’d lagged behind and caught up. I told her to ask the boy.

The initial part of the hike was through some woods. The path is easy enough to pick out, but there are tall grasses and twiggy brush along the way that is impossible to avoid. There are also downed trees that are easy enough for me to step over. Not so much for the kids. The lass was soon complaining about her legs getting scratched- she’d chosen shorts for her hiking attire. The boy was looking forward to seeing “The Mansion.”

“The Mansion” isn’t really a mansion, but it is a large house. It’s located across the street from us and up a hill. It actually can’t be seen from our house or from the road. But if we hiked far enough the way we were going, we’d be able to get to an elevated point that would allow us to pick out “The Mansion” on the hill. I think I’d mentioned this once before in the boy’s presence. He’d clearly never forgotten and had it in his mind that he’d finally get his chance to see “The Mansion.”

He asked how far we had to go. By this point, we’d come out of the stretch of woods and into our first field. To get to the point where we could see “The Mansion,” we had to cross the stream and continue East. There was a second, longer stretch of woods to pass through and we’d come to another field. Then, we had to go to the other side of that field and we’d be able to view it. I wasn’t so sure it would work out since the light was fading fast, but this was the adventure he had set his mind on. After finishing The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. No dragons though.

We crossed the stream and continued along into the next field. It was a corn field that had already been harvested. Shaved stalks created neat rows and patterns all around us. The lass grabbed the nearest one and proclaimed it “her stalk.” Our first trophy from our adventure, I suppose. The boy was asking questions about how I knew where to go. In spite of her trophy, the lass was getting bored and regretting coming on the hike. She came up and took my hand as we entered the woods on the far side of the field.

I used to bring our oldest dog for walks back here. Back when I still had a normal job and walks in the woods with your dog was a stress relieving adventure. She wood run all over. If I walked 1 mile, she loped 5. She was never out of earshot, though many a time I lost site of her. I’d call and she’d come racing back to check in, then bound off again in search of other things to sniff.

We trudged through the woods. The boy was peppering me with questions about what it was like with the dog back here. Did I have her on a leash? What did she do? Where did she go? Did she come back? Could she follow a scent back to the house? Would she be happy to come back here now?

The trail is over grown from when I used to hike back there. Not so much that it was hard to follow the trail. But enough that the grasses continued to nip at the lass’ legs. The boy’s too. They would take a few steps, then pick a leg up and wipe it with there hand to stop the itching.

The boy was wondering where we were headed now and if we had much farther to go. I told him we were looking for a wall and that we had a ways to go. The field we were heading too is several football fields long, plus the remainder of the hike through the woods. He didn’t complain and the lass just continued to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other.

The wall we were looking for is an old stone wall. Looking at it now, with my new eyes for stone wall construction, I could appreciate that it was a well built wall. Even spacing between stones, a nice flat face and a flat defined top. Someone, at sometime, had taken some care in assembling it. Trees were slowly wrecking it now, though. Either because of trees falling on it or because of roots coming up under it. Attacked from above and below, it was slowly ceding ground. There were also sections that had clearly been dismantled by people who’d decided they need a way to pass through. But the parts that are still intact are a testament to it’s builder.

We walked along the stone wall for the final leg through the woods. This is a gentle uphill stretch that’s a bit tricky due to roots jutting out from the ground. It’s easy to catch a toe and get tripped up. There were also tree limbs that I had trouble dodging. The lass noted “Sometimes it’s better to be short, huh Dad?” She wasn’t wrong. The boy could see the opening to the field and bounded up to it, buoyed by the realization that he was at the final leg of his journey.

The lass and I emerged and she sighed. The field was looooong. Just like I’d told them. The boy had his hands on his knees about 50 yards in. I think he’d run all the way there before realizing he would never be able to sprint across the entire field. The lass griped again about going home. The complaints about the grass were worst for this stretch. Long and thick, it caused there legs to itch on every step. Even the boy finally admitted he should have worn jeans.

The boy was marvelling at how he didn’t feel tired. The lass was wishing she’d eaten more for dinner. Then she asked whether the dog had been this far back and when I told her she had, it seemed to lift her spirits to think of the dog trotting through the field she now trudged through. She like the thought of her being happy and exploring. She kept asking, trying to flesh out all the details of what the dog had done, where she’d gone.

We finally reached the other side of the field and turned around. I could make out a light on the hill, way back across our street. It was well into dusk now, and without that light it would have been hard to see “The Mansion.” As it was, there was little detail that could be discerned. If I hadn’t told the kids that it was a big house that sat there, they’d never have known based on the view.

We stood and admired the view for a bit. The gray clouds in the sky were streaked red from the sunset. The boy noted what looked like a rainbow next to the clouds. Even though he couldn’t really see the house, he didn’t seem disappointed. The lass too, seemed to be in a better mood. Perhaps it was because she knew the next stop would be home.

Still, with the light almost gone, she took my hand for the walk back. She wanted to hold the flashlight, but I declined. When I wouldn’t pass it to her, she asked me to turn it on. I told her “When we get back to the woods. There’s still enough light to walk through field. You wouldn’t want the batteries to run out, would you?” She didn’t push the matter any further.

The walk back seemed quicker than the walk out, in spite of the darkness that descended up on us through the woods. The boy commented on the difference and I tried to explain that when you don’t know where you’re going, you tend to notice everything and it makes time seem longer. But on the return journey, everything is familiar, so you tend to notice less and the time seems to go by quicker.

Along the way, I’d occasionally shine the light into the woods and scan it around. I did the same in the field. Both kids kept wondering what I thought I’d seen.

“Nothing,” I answered.

“Then why do you keep shining the light into the woods?” the boy asked.

“Because if I don’t stop and look, I won’t see anything. Maybe there’s a deer, or a rabbit, or a coyote out there. If I keep shining the light on the trail, that’s all I’ll see. So I stop and look around every now and again, because you never know.”

We walked together through the night. We detoured from our original path as we neared our house. Rather than passing through the woods to get back to there, we went around to the road. This was to benefit the lass, whom didn’t want to deal with the sticks and bushes nipping at her legs anymore. She’d held my hand the whole way, but let it go at the road. We walked with them in front of me so I could light them up with the flashlight for cars to see.

The lass had held onto her corn stalk all the way back to the house and she now tossed it onto the side of the driveway. The journey was over.

Before heading up to take showers, they both said they liked the walk. The lass added that she’d like it better if it had been during the day. They both wanted to do it again someday, they said.

I’ll have to oblige them.

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Family

Spelling Practice

“SUN,” I say to the lass.

She has a list of words she’s working on for spelling. We were taking a couple of minutes for her to practice them. This week, the letter ‘U’ seems to be the focus, as all the words involve that letter.

The lass was sitting on the couch. Upon hearing the word she looks up. She sticks her tongue out for a moment, grimaces, says “SUN…. S.” She now puts both arms back against the couch with her hands up by her ears, shifts her weight to the side and flops over so she is lying on her side on the couch. Then she says “U.” Now, she rolls over onto her belly and stretches her arms down by her side while swimmer-kicking on the arm rest with her feet. Finally, she says “N.” She brings her arms up under her chin and props her head up. Her feet are now kicking back on forth in the air behind her head. This all transpires over about 5 seconds.

She’s now looking at me waiting for the next word.

“RULE,” I say.

She starts by face planting into the couch, followed by pushing herself back up into a sitting position. “R,” she says. Her face is contorted with concentration. She flows from a sitting position to draping herself over the arm rest on the couch, her back on the rest as she stares up at the ceiling. Her hands tap-tap-tap against the wall next to the couch. “U,” she says. Now she rolls back over onto her stomach. She is facing away from me, her feet are closest me while her head is on the opposite side of couch. Again, she pushes herself backwards and up into a kneeling position. “L,” comes next. As she’s doing this her hair is flopping from one spot to the next and she starts playing with it. “E,” she finishes. She stops moving, waiting for the next word.

Things continue like this for the next several words. She snakes all over the couch as she spells her words. Eventually, she rolls off the couch and barely seems to notice. For the final few words, she barrel rolls across the floor saying letters as she goes. She pauses her movement after she completes her spelling. She never does work her way back onto the couch.

I was exhausted by the time her spelling practice was done.

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Family Notweet

Watching The Hobbit

With the boy having finished The Hobbit, he’s been after us to let him watch the movie. The only catch is the Wife and I haven’t pre-screened it yet. We’re doing so now.

I’ve been wondering how the heck they were going to turn a relatively short story into 3 movies. I just didn’t believe the source material was sufficient. I figured maybe the whole story was worth a good 3 hour-epic type format.

We’re about halfway through now and the basic tact has been to extend certain scenes, like the dwarves arrival, for comic relief. They also seem to have added filler material here and there.

Overall, it’s been good and, I think, at it’s best when working straight from the source material. Luckily for the boy, nothing to object to so far.

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Family

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO PICK UP PEANUTS!?!

We received a couple of packages last night. One of them was filled with packing peanuts, in addition to the stuff we’d ordered. We asked the boy to place the boxes out in the garage, and he did so.

But in the process he managed to spray packing peanuts all over the floor of the garage. In a classic child maneuver, he simply left the mess on the floor of the garage.

The Wife was the first one to call him out and insist he cleanup the mess he made. He did so, but not before vociferously voicing his displeasure at the prospect. He came in several minutes later and went back to more important things, like arranging rubber bands for making bracelets.

Sometime later, I ventured out into the garage. There were still peanuts laying on the floor.

I turned and asked him “I thought you cleaned up the peanuts in the garage?”

“I DID,” he said with just a touch of defensiveness.

“Well, then why are there still peanuts lying on the floor of the garage?”

What followed was something just short of breathtaking.

“WHAT? DO YOU EXPECT ME TO PICK UP EVERY LAST PEANUT OUT THERE?” he yelled. Just a touch defensively. The veins in his neck were sticking out.

“That’s what cleaning up meant, last I checked.”

“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?” He was turning red.

“With your hands, maybe?” I suggested. It was hard not to be amused at his tantrum.

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO PICK UP PEANUTS?” he bellowed as he stomped off towards the garage.

Well, guess he told me. Incidentally, he managed to pull it off. Somehow.

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Family

The Irrational Child Mind

The boy and I went on a grocery store run to pick up some items for dinner tonight. Along the way he asked me what I was planning to make. I told him it was a sausage dish that I’ve made before to great reviews from the lass and the boy. He was immediately disappointed.

I was confused at his reaction since I was sure that he like this dish. When I gave him the full details, he sighed in relief and said “I thought you were going to make the other sausage dish with the sweet sauce.”

He was referring to another sausage concoction I make with peppers and a sweet onion. I basically cook the peppers and onion down into a juice and the result has a sweet flavor to it. I asked him what he didn’t like about it and he replied “It’s too sweet.”

“What do you mean it’s too sweet? So is candy too sweet?” I asked.

He answered in earnest “Candy isn’t sweet. It’s got sugar in it.”

Dumbfounded, I asked for clarification. “You mean sugar isn’t sweet?”

“No, it’s just sugar,” he answered. “It’s not sweet like that sausage stuff you make.”

I had to stop there for fear that he might be contagious. This is the sort of stuff parents have to deal with all the time.

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Family

Let There Be Light!

The boy came home from school today and, as has been his wont, got started immediately on his homework.

I finished up some impromptu archery lessons with the neighbor and returned to make sure the lass was all set for her soccer practice. While tending to her, the boy started whining about not understanding his homework.

I was more focused on his sister than him at that moment, so I dismissively asked him if he had read the instructions. He said he had and proceeded to read them to me. It was a 1 sentence instruction telling him to fill in a multiplication table. For some reason that still escapes me, that operation just wouldn’t compute.

He began getting overly excited. I ignored him. Shortly thereafter, the lass was off to her soccer practice so I turned more of my attention to the boy. He was still frustrated. This is still a problem for him- he gets so frustrated with something that he essentially locks up. He refuses to calm down and think things through, refuses to try coming at things from a different angle, refuses anything other than someone fixing his problem for him. One of these days, I, or the Wife- whomever draws the short straw, will have to just let him flounder about until he unlocks himself or explodes.

Today was not that day.

I worked him through to the point where he understood he had to fill in the multiplication table. Initially, he was pleased with understanding. His face then fell. He was staring at 100 little squares that all required numbers in them, and he had to fill them in. I left him like that for a moment to go take care of a few other things. When I returned, he was balling on his homework.

There was a brief instant where I was ready to lay into him for making things more difficult on himself. What good was sitting there balling on his homework going to do?

Fortunately, I course corrected and calmly suggested he walk away from his homework and calm down a bit. Naturally, him being completely around-the-bend irrational, refused. He got up to go blow his nose, though, and I seized my opportunity. I walked over, picked up his homework papers and put them in a cabinet far out of his reach.

And just like that, he went from miserable to mad. If he had been a cartoon, he would have changed colors from a sky blue shade to a crimson red. Maybe he would have gotten the volcanic-eruption treatment out the top of his head. I would have been Woody Woodpecker, laughing. Then, I would have pecked him in the head and flitted off in the direction of…

Ahem…sorry.

I refused to give him his homework sheet back until he’d calmed down. He slowly came to grips with the fact that I was serious and started looking for other things to do. Eventually, he started playing with a piece of wire and battery. Then, he started asking me questions about what he could hook it up to. He got an idea and went and grabbed a light bulb. Guess you could say a light turned on!

I agreed to help him hook it up, even though I knew it wouldn’t work. It was a lamp battery that required AC current so there was no way a battery, probably mostly drained, would work.

When it didn’t work, I explained the problem to him. He then went rummaging around in the kitchen and found a flashlight bulb. Now he was in business. After a little bit of finagling, we managed to connect the battery and sure enough, the bulb glowed a bit. It also confirmed my suspicions about the battery’s status.

That led the boy into a quest to create a flashlight. He came up with somewhat workable contraption involving a D cell, some tape, a piece of wire and the bulb. He didn’t like that he had to manually hold the bulb against the battery. Happy, but not satisfied, he asked me if I had any ideas.

I did. I told him to go get me a hanger. It had to be a metal wire hanger, I specified. One that didn’t have any clothes on it.

When he came back with the hanger, I first verified that he hadn’t ripped his sister’s clothes off of it moments earlier. I then proceeded to cut a section of it off. I stripped the plastic coating off it on both ends, then wrapped one end around the bulb. Finally, I bent what remained into a rough handle shape that clipped on to the other end of the battery and voila:

We had a flashlight. My siblings will likely recognize this as a little project our Grandfather introduced to us many years ago. It had the same effect on the boy today as it did on us back then. He was delighted and hooked at the simplicity. Shortly thereafter, the hanger was chopped to ribbons as he worked on his own variations.

Here’s a low-power version he managed on his own:

He even came up with a 2-D cell design, with a little help from me.

Somewhere along the way, I took his homework out of the cabinet and placed it out for him to complete. When he finally remembered that he had homework to do, he was astonished to find that I’d put it out for him. He’d been so engrossed in his engineering, that he’d completely missed that I’d returned it to him.

He even managed to complete it without anymore tears.

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Family

The Lass Seems to be Turning the Corner

Last week, I worked with the lass on her homework packet. She chose to start at the beginning (perfectly reasonable) which involved writing a paragraph. The assignment was to write a “story” about a bike.

Things started off rough, and went downhill from there. The back of the page, where she thought she had to write the story, didn’t have enough space for a story. She wrote a single sentence and thought she’d finished because she wouldn’t be able to fit more. After that, the weeping started and she didn’t know how to write a story about a “stupid bike.”

Rather than fight her and force her to finish, I steered her towards the rest of the homework. She gradually settled down as the rest consisted of fill-in-the-blank type questions, spelling practice and some math. By the time we’d finished, she only had the bike story to work on and I chose not to push her on that for the rest of the evening. Instead, I tried to give her some ideas to think about. She still had most of the week to figure it out.

The Wife was able to get her to complete the paragraph the next day. Her spelling practice continued and there were no more emotional outbursts over homework for the rest of the week.

We also met with her teacher towards the end of the week to discuss her difficulties. We were most concerned with her attitude towards reading. Reading has been a chore for her and she’s been very resistant to it in any form. She doesn’t want to leave the comfort of her picture books and his suggestion was to not force the issue. We even came up with a ploy to offer to let her read to kindergartners. The Wife and I figured it would appeal to her Mother-hen streak.

Yesterday, she received her latest homework packet and she worked on it without issue. She hasn’t completed it yet because it’s a big packet this week, but she’s completed most of it. There is another writing assignment in it as well. Amusingly, this time the teacher provided a separate page for the paragraph with plenty of space to write her story.

Also, she was excited to tell the Wife that her teacher had asked her if she would like to read to the kindergartners. There was little doubt as to her enthusiasm for the opportunity and she even told the Wife how much she “likes to read.” The Wife did a good job of sounding surprised at such a revelation.

So her current status is a marked improvement in her homework attitude. I suspect there will be future bumps along the way because when it comes to children, nothing comes easy. The fact that she’s on more favorable footing though, is a welcome relief. Now it’s just a matter of helping her build momentum to keep it that way..

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Family

Whimsy

We were heading up to the lass’ dance lessons and the lass was working on an apple. She’d been bugging me for some kind of snack to hold her over until dinner, which wouldn’t be until after her dance lessons were done. I told her to grab an apple. I don’t know why I still have to tell her stuff like that- anytime we have fruit available (which is always) that’s my goto answer for the “Can I have a snack?” query.

Anyway, she’d eaten the lower half of her apple all the way around and she turned to me and asked “Daddy, what does this look like?”

I glanced over and all I saw was a partially eaten apple.

Perhaps it was because my mind was on the road and also thinking ahead to the remainder of my evening. Having to get the boy to his karate lessons, then pick them both up and get them some dinner. Follow that with spelling review and whatever surprises the evening might hold in store and, well, I wasn’t being very creative.

Mostly, though, I think all I saw was a half-eaten apple because I’m an adult.

“I don’t know,” was the lame reply I gave her.

She then held it up in front of herself and said “I think it looks like a parachuter, a mushroom and an umbrella.”

I looked over at her and the apple and thought “She’s right, it does look like any one of those things.”

Whimsy is something that comes naturally to kids. Give them blocks and they’ll create a castle. Stick them in a sand box and they’ll make mountains and chairs and whatever else they can think up. Give them blankets and pillows and they make forts. Give them pencil and paper and only they can explain that thing they just drew with fire coming out of it’s nose and multiple heads.

Kids do stuff like that and they make the world fun. Or if not the world, then at least the moment. Driving along looking at the lass’ half-eaten apple I couldn’t help smiling a little at the silliness of her observations. For all the frustrations that comes with having kids, moments like these have a lot to do with making it worth those frustrations.

Who knows. Maybe, perhaps, I’ll never see an apple the same way.

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Family

A Tenet of Computer Programming

Every computer programmer knows and understands that a computer can only do what it’s told. That’s a simple enough concept to grasp. The catch is what the computer does as a result of what it’s told isn’t always what the programmer wants. More succinctly, a computer does what it’s told, not what we want.

This point of computer programming is flummoxing the boy for the moment. He seems to understand what he wanted to make the computer do using Scratch. The problem is he also seems to be under the delusion that the computer should understand what he wants it to do. It was a recipe for disaster which led me to temporarily leading a tearful boy away from the computer for a while to collect himself.

I then had him sit down and work through the step-by-step guide at the Scratch website. His being able to see how to use the programming tools and create a sample program helped tremendously and he was able to go back and work out his own “game.”

I put that in quotes because apparently, the game was figuring out how to play his game. Or something. It involved one little sprite fighting a troll sprite with a bow-and-arrow. The idea is to figure out how to make the bow-and-arrow appear, then shoot the troll with it. The end.

I’m sure EA Sports will be holding a slot for him.

He’s now more curious about real programming languages and wanted to check out one of my books. I don’t have an extensive library for programming languages, as most anything I could ever want to know is available on the web. However, like any decent programmer, I do have a couple of different versions of K&R. So I pulled that down for him to look through. “C” wouldn’t be my first choice for him to learn at this point, but syntactically it’s pretty compact. Versus PERL, the only other books I had.

Once again, he didn’t seem to quite grasp what he was looking at. I even fired up a hello world program for him so he could start to get some kind of idea. He was unimpressed.

I think part of his problem is he’s so used to Google and search that he has a skewed impression of what is happening inside a computer. He goes to a Google prompt and types in whatever he looks for and gets relevant results almost instantaneously. Contrast that with having to cryptically tell a computer to write “hello world” onto a screen which involves writing words and characters into a file with a special syntax and there’s the chasm that must be crossed.

The good thing, at this point, is he isn’t turned off to programming. Yet. Perhaps by the end of the weekend when he first encounters “debugging.”

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Family

Is This How It Starts?

Somehow, a conversation about the video game belt loop for Scouts turned into an interrogation by the boy about programming. The boy had talked to a fellow Scout, whom had explained that he had to write a video game to earn the award. That seemed fishy to me, since writing a video game is so far from non-trivial as to be all but impossible for the average grade-schooler without some kind of serious assistance. Anyway, the boy got it in his head that he would write a video game to earn the belt loop.

So now he wanted to know “How do you write a video game? What are the codes you need to do it?” I could see that, since his friend had claimed to have written a game, the boy had determined he too could write one. He also seemed to be under the delusion that doing so only required some special number, or something.

I started by explaining that he would need to write code that tells a computer what the rules for his game are.

“But what are the codes?” he wanted to know.

I was deliberately trying to avoid using the term “programming language” because that would open up a whole new can of worms. So I said he’d need to put special lines in a file on the computer.

“Well, how do you put them in a file?”

So then I explained about using an editor. When he asked what that was, I told him it was like what he used to write email in. So naturally, he tried to fire up an email program to start writing some code.

He wasn’t going to be dissuaded, but explaining how to use a programming language to him was something I wasn’t up for. I figured there must be some kind of programming tutorial out there for kids. So I commandeered the computer from him and started searching. It didn’t take long to turn up some options, the most convenient of which looked like something called Scratch. I say it’s convenient because it’s a program designed for kids his age and it’s free to download. While it’s been installed, we haven’t had a chance to play with it yet because karate interfered.

While karate prevented him from diving in and learning how to program, it didn’t stop him from asking questions about programming. After a bit, I finally explained to him about programming languages. That only served to make him more curious. He wanted to know what the languages were like, how they made the computers “do things,” if he had to share his code (already worried about copyrighting and he hasn’t written a line of code!), how other people could play his game, if he had to name his program, how to put words into the program and on and on.

When his martial arts class ended, the first thing he said when we got back in the car was “Dad, I hope you don’t mind answering questions about programming computers because I was wondering something else…” At which point, the questions began anew until we got home.

By the end of it all, the boy understood that writing a computer game was non-trivial. He understood that he’d have to design his game first, and then build the program after that. He was excited to have the Scratch program though, because at least he could try to do a little programming with it. He has a half-day of school tomorrow, so he’s already blocked out his time to spend learning programming. “I won’t be watching TV tomorrow,” he proclaimed.

I remember getting interested in computers and programming at a similar age. But back then, the tools were pretty pathetic, especially when compared with what’s available today. We’ll see if the boy has any aptitude for programming. More importantly, we’ll see if he has any enthusiasm for it. While the former is nice, it’s the latter that would provide the potential for this to prove to be more than another passing fad.

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Family

The Pot Meets the Kettle

Another week, another homework set for the lass.

She sat down and started working through it. She has spelling words and reading or sight words as well as math and the like.

One of the first pieces of work she started was a short writing assignment. She has to write a story about a bike. She read through the page, thought about it for a few seconds, then turned the page over and started writing her story.

The boy happened by at that time and took a look at what she was doing. Seeing that she was writing her story on the “finished” page, he said without the slightest trace of irony “You should write that on a separate paper first, then copy it onto that page.”

The lass grunted in his general direction. I facepalmed myself so hard I saw stars.

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Family

Next Time Just Ask

“My mouth has a funny taste in it,” the boy said. Even for the boy, that was a pretty random statement to make. He was watching cartoons at that particular moment and had not eaten breakfast. In fact, he was still in his PJ’s. I was busy trying to help the Wife get ready for her parents visit today; thus, I didn’t really have time to consider random statements about weird tastes in the boy’s mouth. So, I did what every parent does when they hear something strange from their kid, I ignored it.

After breakfast, the boy complained again about the weird tastes in his mouth. By this time, he’d eaten a breakfast of waffles and syrup. At this point, it occurred to me that he’s been on a kick where he thinks every little abnormality requires some sort of medical attention. He’ll spot a red mark on his arm that’s barely visible and decide it’s a spider bite. He’ll complain that he’s injured his finger and that he can’t move it. He’ll insist it needs ice and that we need to look at it. He’ll see a freckle for the first time on his arm and worry he has some rare disease. Clearly, it’s some sort of phase. I figure the funny-taste-in-the-mouth thing is another manifestation of the phase.

So I ignore it again.

I’m finishing some vacuuming when the boy comes up to me and says “Dad, I’ve got a funny taste in my mouth, can I have a mint?”

And everything immediately comes in to focus.

I’d gone to watch UCONN battle Michigan last night with some friends and one of the items I’d picked up for the evening was Altoids. Curiously strong, as they say. I returned home from the game late in the night. Or, early in the morning if you prefer. I’d emptied my pockets upon returning and had placed the Altoids on the island in our kitchen.

The boy had spotted them this morning when he came down and had decided he really wanted an Altoid. They were the “wintergreen” flavor, a favorite of his, making them even more irresistible to him. Rather than ask me straight out, “Dad, can I have an Altoid?” he decided on a different strategy. Thus, the whole “funny taste in my mouth” story line. It was a scheme to justify his asking for the mint to expunge the “weird” taste in his mouth.

Now, it’s perfectly reasonable to object to my conclusion at this point. Wouldn’t he just ask for it if he wanted one? Why make something up like this all for a breath mint? I won’t pretend to totally understand the boy’s mentality, other than to say he’s deduced that, generally, creating a pretext improves the odds he’ll get what he wants.

I did test my theory in real time, though. I confronted him, playfully. He got a big smile on his face and then turned away to avoid my eye contact. He then replied in a whiny voice “Wwwwwwwwhhaaaaaaat? So, can I have one?” I think most parents will recognize this as a universal kid language for guilty.

I told him to go ahead and have one. Take two even. But next time, just ask.