Author: Gerry

Deadspin is a sports news site, mostly famous for their hatred of ESPN. That said, they also write about other things such as parenting. This article I found myself agreeing with just about everything in it. It’s a tad profane, but if you can stomach and f-bomb or ten, then it’s an amusing and an illuminating read.

I’ve committed all of these errors except for the chasing one. But don’t attribute that to any special insight on my part other than, we don’t live in a palace and there’s only so far they can run. I pretty much agree with all of them except the power-struggle stuff. For my money, the parents are the boss and the kids have got to learn that. Naturally, they will challenge on occasion and those situations need to be dealt with accordingly. Thus, power struggles are unavoidable.

Otherwise, no quibbles.

Glenn Reynolds points us to an article at Shine about the cost of parenting:

Everyone who has ever become a parent can testify to the financial challenges that go with raising kids. In fact, the average cost of raising a child to age 17 is over $150,000 per year.

I’m calling BS on this. I can’t even fathom a way that it costs that much per year to raise a kid, let alone averages to that much. The only possible way that works is if parents making over $150,000 a year give up their job to raise their kids. But I’m pretty sure that puts the earner in the top 5%, meaning there just aren’t enough of them to skew the results that high.

First off, logically speaking, if it costs $150K per year to raise 1 child, isn’t that saying that only people who make more than that can raise kids? I can assure you from personal experience that’s an incorrect statement.

I gave up my job just prior to the lass coming along and at the time I was at $65K per year. On my trajectory at the time, I might be earning around $80K today, assuming I’d stayed out of management. That leaves another $70K just to hit the mark cited by the article. I manage the household finances and I can tell you that it does NOT cost $70K for both kids, let alone one.

Most of the stuff that really hurts when it comes to raising kids are 1 time kind of costs, like birth. But that only happens once per kid. At least, that’s how it was the last time I checked. Anyway, along those lines, things like camp, sports, dance and music lessons and the like are typically on the order of hundreds of dollars per year.

Taxes, you say? Not likely, says I. Sure, that’s a big cost, but there’s that “child deduction” thingy that reduces the tax cost, for one. And for two, taxes are still only in the $5K range (local taxes that contribute to public schools), and that likely way to the high side.

The only other big-time cost might be a Nanny or daycare, but then the situation is likely that the parent has chosen not to give up working. So the major driver of the cost goes way down. Daycare can run $20K to $30K depending on the frequency. A Nanny is essentially an employee, so that’s the most expensive option. But even then, they aren’t being paid anywhere near $100K, let alone $150K.

There are other hidden costs as well, but they still don’t add up. Buying a car big enough to haul the munchkins around, along with all of their crap (not literally, at least, not always…) and the booster seats or child safety seats, certainly cost a lot. But what parent is buying a new car on a yearly basis?

I’d like to see the work done to arrive at this number. It just seems preposterously high.

The boy came home from school in a good mood. After hanging up his coat and backpack, he took out his homework and completed it. He also has reading he’s supposed to do, so he sat down and read as well. A load of dishes had finished up and when I said “Could someone unload the dishwasher?”, he jumped right up and helped along with his sister. To finish things off, he went upstairs and, uh, plugged the toilet; then he unplugged it without anyone telling him to do so, and he made sure to tell me about it.

Then, he asked me for a reward, though not quite so bluntly. First, he listed all of the things he’d just done right since he got home from school. Then he “just wondered if that was worth anything.”

I was … puzzled. In my formative years, rewards, if they were given at all, were unexpected and never asked for. (At least, I don’t recall asking for a reward- I’m not talking about wanting something. I’m talking about doing a bunch of stuff and then asking to be rewarded for my efforts.) In fact, I’d say more often than not, the “reward” was not getting yelled at for not doing what I was supposed to have done.

In other words, certain things were simply expected. That list got longer as I got older and more capable. That whole while, rewards were reserved for moments that were truly noteworthy.

So, what to make of the situation with the boy? Is this just a failure in parenting? The inevitable blowback of trying to tease certain behaviors out of the kids? A sign of the times, where awards and rewards are used like currency with kids? Something else? Is it good or bad or does it not even matter in the scheme of things?

After he asked me, I asked him “What if I were to tell you that it’s worth a ‘Nice job,’ and that’s it?” A simple test question to see what I was dealing with.

He answered “Then I’d say ‘Thanks.'”

Either he knew the answer to say, or he was answering earnestly.

I considered him for a few moments and he patiently awaited my verdict.

Finally, I told him he could play Angry Birds for awhile.

Guess I answered at least one of my own questions.