The Difference a Generation Makes

The boy came home from school in a good mood. After hanging up his coat and backpack, he took out his homework and completed it. He also has reading he’s supposed to do, so he sat down and read as well. A load of dishes had finished up and when I said “Could someone unload the dishwasher?”, he jumped right up and helped along with his sister. To finish things off, he went upstairs and, uh, plugged the toilet; then he unplugged it without anyone telling him to do so, and he made sure to tell me about it.

Then, he asked me for a reward, though not quite so bluntly. First, he listed all of the things he’d just done right since he got home from school. Then he “just wondered if that was worth anything.”

I was … puzzled. In my formative years, rewards, if they were given at all, were unexpected and never asked for. (At least, I don’t recall asking for a reward- I’m not talking about wanting something. I’m talking about doing a bunch of stuff and then asking to be rewarded for my efforts.) In fact, I’d say more often than not, the “reward” was not getting yelled at for not doing what I was supposed to have done.

In other words, certain things were simply expected. That list got longer as I got older and more capable. That whole while, rewards were reserved for moments that were truly noteworthy.

So, what to make of the situation with the boy? Is this just a failure in parenting? The inevitable blowback of trying to tease certain behaviors out of the kids? A sign of the times, where awards and rewards are used like currency with kids? Something else? Is it good or bad or does it not even matter in the scheme of things?

After he asked me, I asked him “What if I were to tell you that it’s worth a ‘Nice job,’ and that’s it?” A simple test question to see what I was dealing with.

He answered “Then I’d say ‘Thanks.'”

Either he knew the answer to say, or he was answering earnestly.

I considered him for a few moments and he patiently awaited my verdict.

Finally, I told him he could play Angry Birds for awhile.

Guess I answered at least one of my own questions.