Growing Pains

Once aspect of the boy’s behavior that we’re trying to change are tantrums. No, I don’t think we’ll get rid of them entirely. Heck, I still throw tantrums every now and again- but at least I don’t put holes in walls anymore. At least, no other people’s walls.

Anyway, we’d like to start getting rid of 3 and 4 year old tantrum type of stuff, such as the one he had this morning over one of his Lego kits. It’s a small kit which he managed to assemble all-by-his-lonesome out of the box. Unfortunately, the small Lego kits don’t tend to stay together when subjected to actual play conditions. I’ve had to reassemble the darn thing more times than I can count. So this morning, when it fell apart again I decided it was time for him to apply himself and figure it out himself.

He had other ideas.

His behavior was entirely predictable after the first couple of minutes. First, he gave it a go- resulting in his frustration building. From there, he quickly descended into a tearful plea that I come help. When I refused, the tears gave way to indignance and anger at my callous disregard for his plight.

My only interaction was, once the tearful stage began, to explain that his behavior was not acceptable for a kid his age and he needed to calm down and then try to fix his toy himself. After that, as his anger built, I ignored him.

Ultimately, the Wife ended up coming down and she tried her hand at getting him to calm down. A few huffy answers later and he got himself a timeout in the corner- infuriating him further. Once out, the Wife then gave him the same spiel I had earlier and left him to think about it.

When he calmed down and pleaded one more time for assistance, I relented some and walked over and explained what he needed to do to figure it out. I sat by and watched a little and offered some advice, but otherwise I didn’t do anything to aid him directly. My goal was to teach him how to approach the problem. He eventually got it assembled and all was well with the world.

I’ve learned that manipulation of this sort is something they are good at. If they feign futility long enough, Mom or Dad comes over and, out of frustration and fatigue from having to listen to the constant din of tearful “I can’t… I can’t,” we solve their problem for them. The benefit is the short term restoration of peace. The detriments are the guarantee that it will happen again, for one; that they didn’t learn anything useful, for another; and that the tantrum will be worse the next time.

The routine and the boy are old enough now that it’s time to start getting him to grow-up a little. I’m ready for the 6 year old tantrums now. If only for a change…