During the course of my normal blog readings, I came across this quicky. Naturally, I followed the link to Mr. Bartlett’s blog and read his entry quickly. The post that started it all was by Glenn Reynolds. Since then, a other bloggers have piled on to such as Matthew Yglesias and Mark Thoma. Mr. Sullivan has since followed up with this little beauty.
I am not going to defend Glenn Reynolds, he doesn’t need my help. But the arrogant, dismissive, “I’m-so-much-your-superior-that-I-don’t-have-to-prove-it” tone of the other bloggers just pissed me off.
So, Mr, Bartlett, Mr. Sullivan, et al- you guys have all the answers, eh? Yeah- so did all your-intellectual forbears here in the US. Look where that’s put us- $14 trillion in debt. What are assholes like yourselves doing? Finding everyone else to blame. Nitpicking every little potential thing that might help because “that won’t fixe the problem. What we need now are serious people with serious ideas to confront this Nations problems.” Naturally, you guys are the serious people to deal with these problems. Just like your intellectual predecessors were the ones to solve the problems of their day.
Let’s see, 60 years ago, Medicare was created. The American people were told that it would sustain itself and the elderly would have access to the medical attention they need to sustain dignified lives. So too, with Social Security. Where are we now? Those 2 programs are busting the budget year after year. What’s the “serious” people consensus? That these programs are huge successes because they are popular.
Really?
Then allow me to propose the American Guaranteed Income Act of 2010. This act that I’m proposing will ensure that all Americans without jobs still have an income so they can lead a dignified life and support their family. I’m going to spitball the annual cost at somewhere in the neighborhood of $100 squintillion. But don’t worry- we’ll still take out Medicare and SS, as well as income tax. For good measure, we’ll throw in a VAT(hat tip to you Bruce)- I’m sure we can get the CBO to score this as deficit neutral over the next 10 years or so. Hell, with the super-duper fantastic revenue stream, I’ll bet we can bring Medicare and SS back into solvency and still have something left over for Defense and the Pork industry. Don’t worry about going broke, I’m sure we can get Treasury to print more money. It’s only trees, right?
You know what the best part of my plan is? The checks start going out in OCTOBER!!! That’s right, just ahead of the mid-terms!!! This should give people plenty of time to process that government is working for them and they’ll instantly come to realize that there’s no need to put serious people into Washington because THEY’RE ALREADY THERE!!! What’s more, based on the precedent of give-people-money= political-success established by Medicare and SS, this program is guaranteed to be the biggest political success story since, well, I don’t know. But I’m sure you guys do- you’re super-duper smart like that. Hell, this act could SAVE THE PRESIDENT’S PRESIDENCY!!! (Bet you can’t say that 5 times fast- I could barely type it.)
Oh, and since I came up with this fantastic program, could I please get the secret-decoder ring for the super-smart-super-serious-solve-the-world’s-problems-club? Pretty please? I mean, me and the rest of America (yes- I am speaking for all Americans at the moment because I can just FEEL the super-brilliance coursing through my veins( I slept at a Best Western last night!! Full-disclosure- I have never received a check from Best Western, but I’m hoping for an endorsement deal now!!) and I know they want EXACTLY what I want because we-are-me baby!) stay up at nights dreaming of the day we can join the club so we can solve all the worlds problems with the efficiency and verve that you guys do.
I mean, without guys like you solving all of our problems, how would all of us poor, stupid, slovenly, miserable, know-nothing, booger-eating, ungrateful slobs ever gotten to this point in history? (BTW- you guys KICKED-ASS on the whole racism thing. I mean, it all just, like, stopped last year in January. That was awesome. Really. God, if only I could be that good. LOOK! I’ve got goose bumps. Oh- right, this is a blog post, sorry.)
PS- If I don’t get the secret-decoder ring, how ’bout a pin? or a pen? Maybe a coffee mug?
PPS– OOOOO! HAYEK! Do I get bonus points? Friedman’s a douche! Bonus points for that right!?!? No? Wait, I know, Glenn Reynolds is a PUPPY-BLENDERER!!! YESSSSSSSS!! SCORE!!! I’m DEFINITELY in with that one. No one could possibly come up with that!!!
I… am…. on…. FIYA!!!
Next week, I’ll solve the whole Iran thing. Don’t you worry. I’m SUPER smart now.