When I was the boy’s age and came home with writing assignments, my Mom would look over my work. I always handed it to her thinking what I had written made total sense. I was sure they were nothing short of a masterpiece.
The problem was, most of the time they only made sense to me. In addition to the grammar and spelling errors, Mom would hammer home the point that writing is meant to be read; thus, the writer needs to draw the reader into the writer’s world. This point seems obvious now, but when there are adventures to be had, games to be played, and mischief to be made, it’s not the sort of lesson that takes.
With that, I present the boy’s latest creative writing product:
Frank is a very interesting creature. He was not born with a nose but he has special gills. So he can breathe in any condition. He had one big, huge, raging eye. The other was lost in a fight. The creature had a blue body. He was thin like a human. He had a red head and green arms and legs. His wavy arms and a pair of stick figured arms. His arms would fly everywhere when the wind blew. He would also swing on branches that held his weight. Frank’s wobbly green legs had spiky points to help him stand. Frank smelled like hamburgers. The creature sounded like a T-rex when he roared. He moved faster than lightening. When Robbie saw him, he screamed “AHHHHHHHHHHH” all the way home.
Raise your hand if you laughed at the “hamburger” line. The boy is always thinking with his stomach, even when he isn’t.
The assignment was to write a description of an alien. I think there’s lots of good stuff in there. It’s also exactly the sort of thing Mom would have had me hammer away at for awhile. Obviously, there’s some sentence problems. Overall, it doesn’t flow well and it’s a little unbalanced- there’s a lot of stuff about Frank’s arms, but only a brief mentions of his eyes and the gills- arguably much more interesting features.
Given all that, here’s the rub. If I have him work on all that, is it still 3rd grade writing? If I don’t have him work on that, does he still learn to write better? Where’s the happy medium between the two?
3 replies on “Working on Writing”
Have the boy READ his work OUT LOUD to his sister … then to you and/or mom. Suggest he read with expression … perhaps drawing a diagonal line at points in his narrative where he might either pause or emphasize a word or phrase. Perhaps his sister might be a good source of construction criticism and ask him questions similar to what his peers would … to enhance any weakness in the description of his creature.
Your observation is correct … too many adult corrections would defeat the 3rd grade ability to produce a Gene Rodenberry creature … but he is certainly showing signs of a rich imagination … and you don’t want to squelch that gift.
IF a former English teacher were correcting it some questions might include:
1. HOW did he get the name Frank?
2. WHO did he fight with ? Did he win or loose?
3. HOW MANY arms did he have total ? Did they serve different functions?
4. WHO is Robbie and WHERE did did he see Frank ?
5. WHERE was Frank from ?
These answers might provide a rounder picture of this creature and give the reader a better image of what frightened Robbie …
Overall: Good Job !
Good ideas for next time- it would help him to think about it a bit more. The trick would be balancing it so he doesn’t think he’s being picked on.
As for the sister thing, I can only see that ending in a fight. I don’t see how he takes any kind of criticism, real or perceived, lightly.
Life is a test … he has to learn how to deal. Criticism from a sister would certainly be worse but could be carefully tempered against criticism from his teacher and/or classmates …
Who / What / When /Where / Why … always the five questions that have to be answered -> even in the simplest assignment …