Adjustments for The Boy

We now know the pattern for the boy’s homework: he receives a packet on Monday which he then has to turn in on Friday. Each packet consists of math, spelling, reading and writing- all to varying degrees of intensity, or required effort.

Or whining.

The boy at least understands that the work has to be done. When he brought his first packet home, he sat down and got to work on it quickly, figuring he would knock it out in plenty of time for Friday. He ran into some headwinds related to the reading and writing portion of the assignment and got frustrated. I was able to work him through it though, and his math and spelling he didn’t have any issues with.

This week has been different, and it’s only Tuesday. Once again, he sat down and did the math portion of the homework. But the reading and writing section is giving him fits.

And, to be clear, that’s OK. He hasn’t done any writing to this point, and until he’s had some practice with it I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to be a bit bewildered about how to approach a writing assignment.

But what’s not OK is the miserable attitude that his frustration brings out. When the Wife suggested he try writing a rough draft, he balked at the idea of doing twice the work, snapping at her and stomping off. When he finally did follow her advice and asked me to proofread it, I tried to offer some suggestions (totally meaning to disrail him and make him miserable- that’s what we parents live for after all) he got mad again, declaring he couldn’t do the work.

So it went for the evening. He would start to work on it, then we’d offer some suggestions and he’d go off the deep end, becoming nasty and irritable.

The Wife took a final shot from him and decided she’d had enough, refusing to help him anymore. That, of course, got him madder and more upset. Now, everyone hated him and no one would help him. The long sob story had begun. We ended up putting him to bed early as a result because there’s only so much verbal abuse that can be tolerated before enough-is-enough. Blowing off steam is one thing, he had pushed it into different territory.

After a quick discussion with the Wife, I decided to summon him back downstairs for a Talk. Not, The Talk, just a Talk. I’m sure it’s the last one I’ll ever have to give…

I’m not going to give a blow-by-blow, but suffice it to say that I explained that the Wife and I were going to be damned if we had to deal with him like this every week with each new homework set. I told him we were there to help him, that we didn’t expect him to be able to do it on his own, yet, but he had to stop with the attitude and that he had to start owning up to his behavior. Now. If he didn’t, then his martial arts belt-advancement was going to be extended because we will give him poor marks for attitude on the parental evaluation his school give parents when the kids are ready to advance to a new level- he’s attained a level where any poor marks will hold him back a month.

To his credit, he listened without getting defensive or displaying more attitude. He went back to bed and the Wife and I sat down and breathed for a few minutes.

Afterward, she asked me “Do you think it will work?”

“No,” I told her. But this is one time where I hope I’m wrong.