Finally- The Boy Handles a Little Adversity

Lost in the shuffle a bit last week was that the boy had belt testing at his Martial Arts school. In particular, this one was significant for the boy because it was to advancie to the red belt level- the final one prior to becoming an apprentice black belt.

The school takes the testing seriously at this stage of the kid’s development. A point that was made apparent by the fact that when he went on Monday expecting to test, he was told he could only be tested by one of the 2 head instructors for the school and neither was scheduled to be there that night. So he had to wait until Wednesday to do his testing.

He ultimately ended up failing his testing that day. He was unable to perform a couple of the self-defense techniques requested of him and the instructor also felt his forms needed a little more work. The boy was a bit confused initially because he thought he could test again the next night to earn his advancement. In reality, he has to train and test again next month to earn his next belt.

When reality finally sunk in to him, he was upset. Partly because he gets things in his mind that “this is how it will be” and he doesn’t always deal well when things don’t go as he intended. He was also upset because he wants to earn his black belt before I do and now he thinks I’m going to get there “first.”

So I sat him down and did my best to explain a little more of the reality he was in. Namely, that there is no competition between him and myself. Also, that it was OK to fail- because all it meant was that he had to work another month to earn his red belt. In the scheme of things, another month means nothing; after all, he’s already been at this for 3 years. I also tried to reassure him that as long as he kept at it, we would eventually earn his black belt.

Usually, when he’s upset about his sort of thing, the boy is nearly inconsolable and refuses to hear, listen or comprehend anything. This time was different. While he was clearly upset, he seemed to be willing to listen and understand that his space-time continuum was not going to collapse.

The proof of the pudding came last night when one of the instructors came up to the Wife and asked what had happened with stripe testing. The instructor had already spoken to the boy and told her the basics, and impressed her with the fact that he was handling the “setback” well. After a quick discussion, the instructor said she’d look into what happened so she could help him our for the next testing cycle.

So for those of you out there with similar “ability to handle failure” issues in their kids, wondering when things will start to improve- I have a completely non-scientific answer. About 8 years. That’s all. And mind you, this was only a single instance of coping well.

Hooray for progress.