UPDATE: Having re-read the article, it seems using the young woman in the article as a reference point for jumping off into a talk about parenting goals was inappropriate. She has, in fact, been doing something different, it just isn’t what she wants. I haven’t modified the post from it’s original content other than to add this mea culpa. I’ll try to be more careful in the future.
Glenn Reynolds comments about this:
You can write in your parents’ basement. And if you want to make it as a writer, you’d better. And if you want to make it as a literary agent, try making some sales for your unrepresented writer-friends. You can do that from your parents’ basement too.
I think this touches on a fundamental aspect of parenting: teaching the importance of a good attitude and of resourcefulness. With the caveat that the article caught her on a bad day, the attitude here is a big problem. To paraphrase her plight: “I did everything right (me: whatever that is) and it didn’t work.” When I hear that line, I’m hearing a trumped up rendition of “It’s not fair!” That’s life. It isn’t fair. Accept it and find a way around it, as Glenn so bluntly points out.
The other problem here is a lack of resourcefulness. Again, Glenn points out ways to accomplish her goal, it’s just not the traditional way. People who succeed (at any level- not just Steve Jobs or Larry Ellison levels) make the most of the tools they have. They find novel ways of getting things done.
These two things go hand-in-hand: having a good attitude means a person will find a way around an obstacle, if it’s important enough to them. Success means they’ll continue to face trials in the future. Failure doesn’t stop them, it just teaches how not to do something. Rinse, repeat, succeed.
I and the Wife preach this kind of stuff to the boy and the lass constantly. We try to challenge them constantly (as is appropriate to their age) to push them out of comfort zones because you have to go there eventually. For example, they tie their shoes without our help because we made them. Trivial you say? I know 2nd graders around here who don’t tie their own shoes. The boy and the lass both dress themselves for hockey, needing help only with lacing up skates. I’ve seen 5th graders who can’t dress themselves up for hockey. And we’re starting to get the boy to learn how to lace up his own skates.
Yesterday, the boy had his best karate class ever. Not because he performed his technique’s well (he did OK at best there- but he’s 7 and expecting perfection from a 7 year old is foolish), but because he gave the best effort I’ve ever seen him give in a class. I let him know and even rewarded him with some desert.
Last night, the lass went and retrieved milk out of the fridge and poured herself and her brother glasses to go with dinner. Unasked. She’s 5. I rewarded her with desert as well. (Prior to that she wasn’t going to get any- her brother had earned it, she hadn’t. Believe it or not, desert isn’t a normal around here. And the kids certainly aren’t entitled to one. That makes it a useful reward for moments like last night.)
No, they aren’t solving the world’s problems and no one in their right mind expects 5 and 7 year olds to do that. But they are learning to solve their own problems. I think that gives them a leg up on the 25 year old in the article.