Rewards of Stay-At-Home Parenting

Bill Quick writes:

In a perfect storm of cultural destruction, starting in about 1970 when household earnings began to stagnate, the cultural impetus of Women’s Lib combined with the need to somehow bring more money into individual homes sent millions of moms out into the workplace. Libbers rejoiced, but there is little evidence, after decades of experience, that either moms, dads, or kids are any better off as a result of two generations of latch-key kids.

Mr. Quick is more tuned into the politics of this sort of thing than myself, plus he’s, shall we say, a bit more “life experienced” that I. OK, fine, he’s older than me.

I only have anecdotal evidence to offer in support of his statement. I used to take the kids to our local YMCA where they offered “child watch” services. Basically, it was a 2-hour max daycare arrangement where a parent could drop the child off, go use the Y’s facilities, and then grab their kid(s) on the way out. One of the child watchers used to run a day-care and she was, at the time, becoming a kindergarten assistant.

She commented there was a difference in the kids who had full-time (or near full-time) parenting versus kids that were basically full-time day care participants. Basically, her take was the kids with full-time parents were better behaved and more respectful as well as better learners.

My own observations and experience somewhat dovetail with her statements. I’ve been at parks with the kids where total strangers have come up to complement to me about how well-behaved the kids were. To be honest, those sorts of interactions never fail to surprise me. My first thought is invariably “If you only knew…” I’ve also noted that, compared to other kids who I know go to daycare or are cared for predominantly by grandparents, our kids self-regulate better than others, especially when under the influence of other kids and their energies.

But this is all anecdotal evidence at best. Way back when this whole adventure of ours began, the Wife and I knew we wanted to be primary caretakers for our kids. We were only going to get one shot with them; the kids were only going to be young once; we wanted to be the ones to spend that time with them. That the Wife ended up working full-time and I eventually ended up with full-time child duty is just the way the financial cookie crumbled around us. Either way, we wanted the full responsibility for them because no one else, no matter how well compensated, was going to take as much interest in the well being of our kids, as us.

The other part to consider is that the job isn’t done. The boy enters 2nd grade while the lass enters kindergarten next week. Until they’ve started off on their own in the world, it’s premature to declare success. But I have reason to believe that we’ve set them on the right path. On that score, it’s good to know that the past 6 years have not been in vain.