The Vibrating Why

“The Vibrating Why” is a technique used by children to question a parental decision. There are a number of characteristics:

• A whiny, protracted “But, whyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeee?” Unsurprisingly, this is a key element to The Vibrating Why.

• Often, the body language of the child will be as follows: shoulders and arms slumped forward limply, head thrown back so that the child is looking almost straight up- except their eyes will be focused on you. Sometimes the child’s eyes will close. Often times, after the “whyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeee” the child will exhibit Pouting Lip.

• During the “Whyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeee” sound, the child will bounce rapidly on their toes or alternatively at the knees; thus, they will appear to vibrate. Depending on overall agitation level, the bouncing can actually manifest as small hops in place.

• Due to the vibrating, the “Whyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeee” sound can take on a warbled quality or even a vibrato.

• It is almost always due to a parent denying the child access to something like cookies, ice cream, the Wii or any other electronic gaming device; i.e., some treasured or favored object. On occasion, it can occur when the child is informed it’s time to stop playing or leave the playground.

In general, The Vibrating Why is an indication that the parent has gained the upper hand in a confrontation with the child. It is also an indication of any one of the following: excitement, fatigue, low blood-sugar levels. It is not unusual for circumstances to bring about a Vibrating Why just prior to a meal.

How to handle a Vibrating Why is highly situation dependent and can really only be mastered through direct experience. If the child is highly agitated to begin with, a parent should expect escalation from the child if they choose to follow through. The escalation can end in anything from blind child rage to full on balling. If the Vibrating Why is due to low blood-sugar (typically one that precedes a meal by 30 seconds), the situation can typically be defused by calmly pointing out that food is on the way. Vibrating Why’s that result from fatigue are the most difficult to deal with due to the extreme unpredictability of the child’s response to the parent’s response. A parent must proceed with extreme caution under these circumstances.

It is not unheard of for Vibrating Why’s to be caused by a combination of factors. For instance, low-blood sugar combined with excitement (typically they’ve been playing with friends) can result in a Vibrating Why. Seemingly paradoxically, it is also possible(though extremely rare) for fatigue and excitement to combine and result in a Vibrating Why. Usually, this combination involves bedtime or nap time.

If confronted with a Vibrating Why, the parent should exercise great care to remain calm and recognize that they have temporarily gained the upper hand. Still, caution is warranted as overplaying the advantage can cause the situation to degenerate rapidly. If a parent ends up losing their temper, they have lost the advantage and will typically resort to brute force techniques to maintain sanity, such as grounding, early bed times, denial of video games for the month, etc. Suffice it to say, this outcome is highly undesirable and usually ends up with the parent feeling regret and second-guessing their reaction.