Author: Gerry

Via Ann Althouse, an article about children and play.

Ann wants a policy definition of play. The article she links is about how allowing kids to play isn’t a high enough priority. My takeaway? “Self-Initiated Cognitive Activity”- a.k.a “play.” If only it made for a nifty acronym, it would be perfect.

Next, via Glenn Reynolds, some video whether spanking is abuse.

I’ll parrot Glenn’s pithy answer- no, it isn’t. The confusion is because people opposed to spanking equate it with hitting. It’s not. It’s a physical correction. Spanking isn’t about hurting, it’s about teaching. For those who think otherwise, I offer the following (true) story.

I had cooked up some pizza for dinner and set the pans on the table after they came out of the oven. The lass (she was probable 2 or so, at the time) was sitting down and I told her “Don’t touch the pan, OK? It will hurt you.” I had just turned my back to go get drinks when I heard her yell out and start crying. I turned around and she was holding her finger- she had touched the pan. I picked her up, took her to the sink and started running cold water over it while the Wife took an ice cube out for me to hold on the spot. I said to the lass “I’ll bet you’ll never to that again.” She nodded through tears. And she hasn’t.

So clearly, pain can be useful as a teacher.

I’ll also add that as kids get older, the number of pressure points increases as they develop their preferences like TV, Wii, aversion to early bed times, etc. Thus, the utility of spanking decreases quickly as they grow up.

And finally, Kevin Drum talks about “early intervention”.

My first thought about this is- you guys needed a study to know that neglect of a child at an early age stunts their growth? Isn’t this obvious?

He wants to spend more money on the problem. Of course he does. Because spending money on problems is universally shown to solve those problems all the time. Do I have to link some of Kevin’s own posts about the effectiveness of all the money we’re spending on education to support my point?

Look, I’ll say “Kevin, all the more power to you” if he wants to go and start up some foundation that raises money and distributes it to day cares around the country or something. Good. Great even. Heck, I’d even be fine with targeting more of the money we do spend towards early intervention. But he needs to do a better job of convincing me the problem is widespread enough to justify the kind of response he’s advocating. He has a link to purportedly demonstrate this, but all I get is a post where the author says “experts say.” Feh. Show me some data and your work.

For that matter, why not just advocate against day care more? It is possible to choose to stay home and raise kids you know. Even Dads can do it.

A final, observation. Just because.

What struck me about these 3 links is how they all deal with “extremes”: too much spanking is abuse; neglect is unhealthy for kids; no to time to play is unhealthy for kids. And all 3 try to convince the audience that their extreme has to be dealt with and the sooner the better. But none really provide any real evidence that their problem is becoming endemic, or even on the rise. It’s just that someone did some research and found a “bad” thing to advocate against. Even then, what they’re advocating for is hardly novel. I certainly can’t imagine anyone advocating for this stuff. Yet, something needs to be done in their mind.

The lass was chugging along fine this morning. Despite getting up a little after 6 (on a Saturday!) to start getting ready for hockey practice, she was basically cheerful and agreeable. She’d eaten her breakfast without much drama and even managed to put most of her hockey gear on herself. It actually seemed like the stars had aligned for an uneventful morning.

Which is really the point where we should have realized such was not the case. Because sure enough, after getting through all the “hard” stuff, she hit her stumbling block at being unable to find her sneakers.

She looked. In that characteristic way any kid “looks” for a missing something. Namely, she rushed around swinging her head back and forth fast enough to give an observer whiplash, screaming in a highly irritated (and irritating) whine “I can’t FIIIIIIIND IIIIIT!” She blew by me at mach one, then up the stairs to further search.

Eventually, she did find them. But that wasn’t the end of it. Her antics grew ridiculous enough that I decided to mosey over to further assess the situation.

Basically, she didn’t want to put her shoes on. She wanted it done for her.

It was at that point that, simultaneously, the Wife declared “I’m going to wait in the car” and I simply turned around and walked away. Thus, depriving her of the one thing she wanted at the moment- an audience.

As I headed back down to my computer in the basement, I heard a growl of frustration, the door open and close and then quiet. After a couple of minutes, I wandered back upstairs and she was gone. She was off to hockey.

As hard and unnatural as it may seem at any given moment in the heat of battle, doing nothing really can be an effective counter measure to a kid’s tantrum. I’ve been sucked into many a drama, arguing with the irrational mindset that kid’s frequent. Thinking back on them, it’s remarkable the number of times where I’ve finally thrown in the towel and walked away, only to have the kid finally acquiesce to reality and finish whatever simple task we’d asked of them. Once I’d recognized the pattern, I began skipping to the conclusion. Lo and behold, I’d got the same result. Though every now and again, the boy or the lass will reciprocate and just sit there, waiting for me to re-engage. It’d be too easy if “doing nothing” was a one-size fits all solution.

I can only assume that on some level, there’s a need for some kind of emotional gratification. Perhaps it’s as simple as “misery loves company.” Since we, as parents, ask them to do things that they don’t necessarily want to they choose to kvetch to make us pay for our impertinence. Perhaps it’s just a game.

Luckily, as parents, it’s one we can simply choose not to play.