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A Christmas Story for the Lass

For those of us out there that love the movie A Christmas Story, there are several, if not iconic, then certainly famous scenes. The flat tire scene would be one of those. So too the scene where Ralphie finally uncorks on the school bully.

Another one that may be the most recognizable is the one where Flick sticks his tongue to the flag pole after being triple dog dared. The moments immediately afterwards are great stuff, and I can easily conjure him yelling “Stuuck! STUUCKK!” in my mind over and over again, followed by pleading to Ralphie for help. Ralphie, of course, bails on his friend because the bell rang, signaling the end of recess.

Today, the kids decided to put it to the test. This circumstance also reminds me of the time when my sister tested the theory by touching her tongue to the inside of our refrigerator freezer. Several cups of hot water later, she was convinced to the “myth’s” authenticity.

As for the boy and lass, we never would have been the wiser had the lass not started complaining during dinner that her tongue was hurting. The Wife took a look at it and noticed that the tip of it was bleeding a bit. She’d stuck her tongue to one of the wind chimes on our deck and it had frozen fast to it in the 15 degree weather. If only we’d been able to wrap it in a bandaid a la the movie.

It was later revealed the boy had also performed the experiment, but he did something different. He used a little extra spit to protect his tongue from getting frozen fast to the chime. How he know to do that, I can’t say. But when he revealed it, the lass was immediately upset with him for letting her get her tongue stuck without letting her in on the “trick.”

At this point, if we get a flat while going somewhere, I’ll be sure to leave the boy in the car.

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Parent Teacher Conferences

The boy got very good marks today on his report card. Really, he couldn’t have done much better. The teacher had lots of good things to say about him as well.

I was curious a bit about the math curriculum, so I asked about that. The goal appears to be to give the kids a “more intuitive feel” for numbers and what they mean and they don’t want to just teach them “procedure.” I find that odd, because to my way of thinking math is procedure. For instance, I’ve been working with the boy on multi-digit multiplication and long-division. To perform those operations, there is a pretty simple procedure to follow to solve those problems. I don’t quite see how there’s a “feel” or “intuition” involved in solving them. If there is such a thing, I think it only comes from the experience of doing a lot of them.

As for the lass, she’s doing just fine. Her reading was the main concern and happily, she’s improved dramatically from where she was. She’s not the bookworm her brother is, but then he’s in 4th grade and she’s in 2nd. The boy’s proclivity for reading did not develop until the 2nd half of his 3rd grade year. Even so, there is no guarantee that she’ll be like her brother in that regard. We’ll keep working with her.

Aside from the reading, the teacher couldn’t sing her praised enough. She’s “a joy” to have in class and “gets along with everyone.” She’s always attentive and he never has to look at her funny or anything. I believe the phrase “model student” came up more than once and at one point the teacher even said that he’d hope that his son’s behaved the same way she does in class.

It was all a bit too much, actually. That much effusive praise is too much in some ways. Besides, I know what she’s like at home. That kid is a lot different from the one her teacher described.

So there will be no coal in their stockings due to poor reports from school.

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Family

A Morning

The boy kept referring to the lass using the first-name-middle-name construction. Where I come from, that signals great displeasure with the named individual. Usually, it comes from a parent to a child when the child is caught doing something egregiously wrong. In this case, I think it was more the lass’ general existence that the boy had a problem with.

“STOP CALLING ME THAT!” was her reply.

Naturally, the boy did not oblige his sister.

“STOP CALLING ME THAT!” she said again. This time, she punctuated it by half-heartedly hitting him on the arm.

“Stop hitting me,” the boy changed his tune.

“STOP CALLING ME THAT!” the lass said. Again. It’s hard to describe the tone she uses when she’s riled like that. Every word is spoken harshly and in an angry tone that makes for a very distinctive delivery. The boy is completely nonplussed by it, though.

“Stop hitting me,” the boy repeated.

“STOP CALLING ME THAT!”

“Stop hitting me.”

“STOP CALLING ME THAT!”

With this battle of wits raging on, I glanced at the clock and noted, mercifully, that it was time to go to school. I made the announcement to the kids.

“Dad, my sister is hitting me,” the boy called out as he got up to head for the car.

“No I am not!”

“Yes you are.”

“No I am not!”

“Yes you are.”

“No I am not!”

I had all but tuned them out. By my reckoning, there was no point to getting involved. The only thing I could do was start yelling. Then, each one would justify their behavior based on what the other had done to them. Then, I’d be forced to play judge for who was worse behaved. Then, I’d be “wrong” and would have to listen to why. Then, I’d engage in scorched earth tactics and ban them from ever using their mouths ever again for anything other than eating.

The boy got in one last dig. He was the first to the car, and thus the first to claim shotgun. Most importantly, he was the first in the car. So when his sister arrived and went to open the door, he pressed the LOCK button on the doors, thwarting her attempt to enter just as she pulled on the handle. The timing was so exquisite that I couldn’t help but admire it.

One second later, whatever peace had existed in the neighborhood was shattered by the shriek of the lass. Apparently, she didn’t think much of her brother’s timing. Shaking my head, I pushed the unlock button on the key fob, which thankfully also served as an OFF button for the lass’ screaming. She huffily climbed in, uttering dark mutterings that I couldn’t quite make out. I did not need to- I knew the gist of them.

The ride to school was silent. I’m not sure why. Perhaps they had expended their venom for each other. Perhaps they were going over the day to come- anticipating classes and interactions. Perhaps they were just zoning out for the boring ride in.

Whatever the reason, it was a relief.

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Cast Off

So roughly 2 weeks after she got it, the lass had her cast taken off today. In typical lass fashion, she thoroughly enjoyed the process. Mainly because it tickled her foot when the saw was cutting through her cast. She peppered the nurse with all kinds of questions about the saw and the vacuum and what else could the saw cut through and is that the only thing the saw is used for why doesn’t it cut through the soft stuff but it can cut through the hard stuff and yada, yada, yada. The nurse was good natured about the whole thing.

After the cast came off, she still had to use her crutches to go down to get an x-ray taken of her leg. I was kind of curious about what it would look like. Having never seen x-rays of a youngster’s leg, I had no idea I was looking at her growth plate until the doctor came in and set to show us some of the highlights. The break is still partly there, but it’s attached enough so that she can walk around without crutches. I noticed some atrophy in her lower leg, but I’m sure that will recover quickly now that she can use it again.

The doctor left open the possibility of her using a single crutch to help her around. She had her get up and try walking first with no crutches and then with a single crutch on the opposite side from the injured leg. She’d barely taken three steps with the crutch when he declared “No, we don’t want you doing that. No crutches.”

Still no gym or running and dancing for a couple more weeks. The doctors didn’t schedule another visit, so I’m assuming by then she’ll be good to go.

As happy as she is that she’s rid of the cast and her crutches, there is a down side she’ll come to realize. All those chores her brother had been doing for her will now be hers to do once again.

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Waiting for Sparky

It’s quite possible that tonight is the most excited the kids have been. Tomorrow, they are expecting their shelf elf to appear. There is no doubt in their minds, as evidenced by the gifts they set up for him. The little knit thing on the right is a blanket the boy made for Sparky, while the lass made a pillow and took the time to wrap it up.

The boy wrote a quick letter explaining his gift:

Given the boy’s recent obvious doubt regarding the reality of Santa, I find this to be baffling. If you’re doubting things, you don’t go and make gifts for the thing you’re doubting. Therefore, I conclude that he has no doubts about the reality of Sparky the Shelf Elf. How he can harbor doubts about one while not the other means his logical processing unit is not completely online yet. That or his ability to extrapolate.

Be that as it may, they are ready for the yearly visit. Will he arrive as expected? Or will he delay to cause mischief? Will he like his gifts? Tune in tomorrow to find out!

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The Lass’ Christmas List

I posted the boy’s Christmas list a few days ago. Now the lass has finished hers:

Dear Santa,

Can I have please A Heartbreaker Bow, a Giant Stuffed cat that look like our cat D.C., Ipod, clay, potery-weel, Easel with paper, Star Theater in my room, Lite Brix, furby Boom, Pogeo stik, Tranpalyn, Target, Bow and airoes,

She finished it with a little picture of Santa at the bottom.

Oh, and Furby Boom.

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Family

Don’t Feed the Monster

The lass wasn’t happy with her dinner and she had no qualms letting me know about it. She didn’t say a single thing though. Her face and her actions spoke volumes.

I’d set dinner in front of her. It was a simple dinner consisting of pan seared pork chops and green beans. I made up the lass’ plate with no fanfare. To top things off, she had a nice glass of milk to wash it down with.

When I set it in front of her, she simply stared at it with a blank look. Then, still starting at is, she rested her head on her hands. I started eating the food on my plate and ignored her. The boy also noticed what was going on, but mercifully chose not to say anything.

I was a few bites into my own dinner when she finally picked up her fork and started poking at her green beans. She was avoiding the pork for the moment. It was at that point that I made my only comment to her. “Is there something wrong with the pork?” I asked. She mumbled no and her look became even more sour.

As the boy and I continued to work through our dinners, the lass continued to stare at hers. She finally started eating her green beans. Rather than use a fork, she picked each one up by pinching it between her thumb and index finger. She’d then stare at it for a moment, then slowly test each green bean like she was trying to figure out which was the bad one. I continued to keep my own comments to myself, doing my best to let her antics go unanswered.

The boy and I both finished out own helpings. I worked through a second helping and still the lass refused to touch the pork chop. She finished her final green bean and then made a show of pushing it to the side. The boy had cleaned up his own plate and put it in the dishwasher. By this point, I’d also finished up my dinner and began cleaning up as well.

Finally, at this point, when it was clear there was no backup plan and than I would not be humoring her antics, the lass frustratedly pulled her plate back in front of her and stabbed at the pork chop with her fork. She muttered something about not wanting any of the fat and then cut it off. She then hesitated and once again pushed the plate away, apparently deciding she would go hungry on principle, or something.

I was taking care of the dogs at that point. I didn’t look at her or say anything. Finally, her hunger won out. With a loud sigh she grabbed the plate and hurriedly consumed what was left of her dinner. She then complained that she was still hungry. I merely pointed at her untouched glass of milk and left it at that. She growled at me, but I’d already moved on to other things. She drank her milk quickly then pushed her plate and glass away. Normally, I’d expect her to put her stuff in the dishwasher, but since she’s gimpy for the time being I took care of it for her. The fat she’d cut off her food I placed in the dog’s bowl, where it was quickly consumed.

She then got herself setup on her crutches, a frown still etched into her face. I’m not sure if she was more furious at the dinner I’d served her, or at the fact that she’d actually eaten it. Personally, I was only concerned with the second part. Mostly, I was glad to have avoided shouting matches with an irrational 7 year old over food. Surprisingly, it turned out not be that difficult. All I did was nothing.

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The Lass is Tired of the Crutches

It was inevitable from the moment she received her crutches that the day would arrive where she would tire of them and want them gone. Today is that day.

She was trying to do too much this morning while getting her lunch and breakfast ready and a crutch fell, twice, and hit her foot (the good one…). The second time brought tears, which were as much about frustration as pain. She almost slipped on the wet stairs this morning going out to the car and she wasn’t looking forward to sitting in the cafeteria before school started answering questions about her foot.

Part of her frustration is self-inflicted. Kids are restless and the lass is no different. As her foot has started healing and becoming less sore, she’s been getting bolder and less restrained in her moving around. The Wife and I both have been reminding her regularly the past couple of days to stay off the foot so she doesn’t have a setback. Contrast that with the first couple days after her injury when she refused to do anything with her foot and was content to sit on the couch quietly.

With any luck, relief will arrive for her since we’ll finally get to see an orthopod today. I’m guessing she’ll come home in a walking splint or boot or some such since the fracture hasn’t really been causing her any pain the past few days.

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Fractured

The lass’ ankle saga continues. And it gets worse!

The Wife took her to the pediatrician on Tuesday, where they scheduled some x-rays to make sure nothing was being missed. I finally got a call today with the results and it turns out she has a fracture.

It’s not a break, where the bone is separated into two pieces. It’s a crack. The doctor explained there was no “displacement” but that she needed to keep her weight off of the ankle until we could get her in to see a orthopedic guy. That will be tomorrow’s doctor’s visit.

The thing that bothers me the most right now, is that on Saturday night when she was clearly hurting the most, there was a point where merely touching the swollen area of her ankle caused her to wince from the pain. At the time, I distinctly remember thinking “That’s weird for just a sprain, could it be a fracture?” But, from my perspective, there were none of the normal signs of a fracture: she could move her ankle around without pain and there wasn’t any serious swelling to be seen. So I just chalked it up to a certain amount of hysteria on her part over an injury that was something new to her.

Now, with the benefit of hindsight, I can see that the combination of the lack of swelling, the tenderness to the touch and the inability of her to put any weight on it without pain all fit this fracture scenario. It’s certainly something I’ll keep in mind going forward. Here’s hoping I never need to call upon it.

At this point, the question for me is: how badly do I beat myself up over this?

I think the answer is- some, but not too much.

Rushing her to the ER on Saturday night would have led to us discovering what was going on quicker, for certain. But then, it’s not like it was an actual emergency. Sure, she was in pain, but that’s being injured. Did the misdiagnosis cause her any problems? Not that I can see. If there had been displacement due to the fracture, we certainly would have dealt with it right away. But all of her visible signs gave no indication that something more was going on. Further, the fracture she has, at the risk of my minimizing an injury, isn’t the sort of thing that a lot can be done with. Even sending her to the orthopod tomorrow, the question is whether he’ll put a cast on her foot or merely splint it up. There are no bones to set and there will be no surgery.

But a lesson was learned, for certain. For one, I’ll trust the lass more when it comes to dealing with injuries. She did stay out on the ice for awhile after the initial injury, and she managed through a couple of pretty uncomfortable nights. In all, even though she couldn’t really explain how it happened, I’ll certainly be more careful when she describes a pain that doesn’t fit with my own knowledge base.

The more important lesson, though, is one in humility. I was certain it was a sprain- completely convinced in my powers of diagnosis in spite of the fact that I have no formal medical training. I was in pretty good company as well. The Wife, my parents (all of whom are no strangers to injury) and even the pediatrician were all convinced of the same thing. While I was part of a crowd, here I speak only for me regarding how certain I was in myself. Thankfully, my arrogance didn’t cost the lass anything. This is one of those experiences I’ll keep in mind so that it stays that way.

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Injury Update

It’s hard to figure kids and healing sometimes. My assumption is they heal quick. But then, some injuries just take time regardless of age.

After a rough first night, the lass seemed to be in much better shape the following morning. She made it downstairs on her own and there wasn’t much discoloration or swelling in her ankle. The only thing wrinkle was she complained about it being tender to the touch.

We tried to get her to hobble on the ankle a bit for the rest of Sunday and most of yesterday. She was the proverbial poor patient though, and refused to try. She continued to navigate the house by bouncing around and it was with a bit of frustration that the Wife and I finally admitted that she wouldn’t be going to school today.

So the Wife got her a doctor’s appointment where they prescribed a set of crutches and also ordered a set of x-rays. They were similarly surprised that her ankle was still bothering her to the degree it was, especially after we explained the icing and compression and mostly-rest regimen she’d been on. Apparently, we were pretty good doctors in this case. Unfortunately, the patient’s healing timetable hasn’t cooperated.

The good news is the lass is much happier with the crutches. She’s comfortable getting around with them as well, even getting up to practice with them a number of times this evening. She’s a bit nervous about school tomorrow but we’re pretty sure she needn’t be. She’ll be a novelty for her classmates as she gets around with her crutches. She also has enough friends that I’m guessing at least one will be willing to help her out if she needs it tomorrow.

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How Kids Think

“The TV goes off at 9,” the Wife informed the lass this morning.  The lass is still hobbled by her ankle.  She’s more afraid to walk on it than anything now, but the bottom line is she’s still pretty limited.  With the day off for Veteran’s Day, she’s taking full-advantage of the extra morning time and the lack of mobility by watching extra cartoons.

“What time is it now?” the lass asked.

“Quarter-to-nine,” the Wife answered.

“So there’s 25 minutes until 9 o’clock, because a quarter is 25 cents?” the lass tried to clarify.

I find stuff like that fascinating.  She hasn’t learned about fractions yet, or division, so she filled a gap in her understanding with a not-unreasonable guess.  At least, it is reasonable based on her current understanding of the world.

The Wife went on to explain what “a quarter” meant in this context and how it means dividing-by-four.  It is above her pay grade for now though, since she doesn’t understand division or fractions. 

Still, her world got a bit bigger this morning.

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Injured Reserve

The lass twisted her ankle at hockey today. I missed the incident, but she didn’t end up coming off the ice for another 5 minutes or so. In fact, if it hadn’t been for one of the coaches coming and alerting me that something might be wrong, she may well have tried to tough it out through the whole practice.

She was weepy when she came over to the boards, as the coach had said she was. After taking her skate off, I could see some swelling starting which eliminated the possibility that it was one of those pseudo-injuries kids often experience. They land on something wrong, or they twist something a little too much and they start screaming bloody murder. Thirty seconds later and a quick check and they are out there running around like nothing ever happened. In this case through, she hadn’t just harmlessly tweaked her ankle, she’d sprained it.

So the rest, ice, compress elevate regimen was put into action.

For most of the afternoon, she was OK. She couldn’t walk on it and simply hopped around when she needed to get somewhere. I tried to get her to move her ankle around a bit to keep it from getting stiff, but she was leery of moving her foot much. Aside from that, it seemed like she was doing well.

Then, a little after dinner time she started getting weepy. She’d fidget a bit and settle down, then she’d get weepy again. She said it felt like “my skates are still on” which I realized meant that she was experiencing the swelling in her ankle. After that, things started going down hill.

It was a bit after her bedtime by this point so I took her upstairs so she could get ready for bed. I’d originally intended to let her stay up, but that seemed imprudent now. She needed to get some sleep and heal a bit. I wrapped her ankle up in an Ace bandage, helped her get in bed. She whined a little the entire time, and I stayed with her for a bit to help her settle down.

I went to check on her 15 minutes later and she was asleep, which I figured would be the last of it. But a few minutes after the boy finally went to bed, he called down to say that she was crying.

When she finally settled down, she revealed she’d fallen on her ankle trying to go the bathroom. She was crying hard now and her ankle was really bothering her. I could also see some of the puffiness seeping down into her toes below the Ace wrap. Her crying seemed to be escalating, which was I figured was due to a combination of the pain and, now, fatigue. The boy fled his room to go sleep on a couch downstairs.

Finally, she complained about her foot being elevated. I told I had it propped up to help it heal overnight. Unfortunately, she’s a moving sleeper and can’t stay still enough to be able to keep her foot on the pillows. She said it felt better when her foot was down on the bed, so I removed the pillows and she did her best to curl up and go to sleep. I’ve since checked her and she’s managed to calm down. Hopefully, she sleeps the rest of the night.

Having been involved in sports my whole life, I knew what she was going through. I also knew there was little to nothing I could do to comfort her. It wasn’t easy watching her hug and cry into her stuffed animals. The emotional side of me was trying to think of something to help give her a little relief. There was also a rational side of me saying I needed to let her work through this, that she wasn’t going to die from a sprained ankle and the best thing I could do for her was to remain calm and teach her a little bit about treating herself.

The worst part of the evening was when she muttered through the tears “I don’t want to play hockey anymore.” I’d knew what she meant, but decided to play dumb a bit, “You won’t be playing hockey tomorrow kiddo.” She wasn’t having any of it, “No, I mean I don’t want to play again. I don’t want to hurt like this.”

The rest of the season has the potential to be interesting.

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Hockey Season Again

The hockey schedule this year has a “good news and bad news” dynamic to it. The good news is we don’t have to be up at the crack of dawn to make sure the kids are at the rink for practice. The bad news is that our weekend days are going to be messed up severely for the next few months because the practices are later in the morning. In fact, we didn’t get back from the boy’s practice until almost 2 o’clock both yesterday and today. Tough to schedule things to be done around that.

One of the fun things about the practices is the social aspect. Not for the kids, rather for the parents. It would seem nothing brings a community together more than trucking their kids to a hockey rink on cold Fall and Winter mornings. We buy each other coffee and donuts and share stories of frustration, amusement and everything else involving the kids and other aspects of our lives.

When the kids aren’t on the ice, they’re running around with their pals. In some ways, it’s like a giant day care center for a couple of hours with the coaches playing the part of the staff.

That comparison doesn’t do the coaches justice, though. It’s an all-volunteer staff that gives up a large part of their weekends to teach the kids how to play hockey. Many of them clearly love being out there. It’s hard not to appreciate their generosity considering the amount of effort they give.

It’s just the first weekend though and, by comparison to what I know is coming, it was a mild one. Some of the ice was melting yesterday and, even though it was much cooler today, it really wasn’t too bad out there. Plus, the kids are still enthusiastic about it. The mornings are coming where they’ll “hate hockey” and don’t want to play. Heck, there will be days coming where I won’t really want to take them.

So it goes with hockey season.

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Art Lessons

We did our annual town Trick-or-Treat night thing with the kids this evening. A neighboring town has all the businesses in the downtown area setup candy so kids can walk the street and get some candy. It works well for us since we don’t have a ready neighborhood to traipse around. The kids get to dress up, get some candy and satisfy their sweet tooth for a bit.

There were a couple of differences between this year’s rendition and past years. The first is that it was cold. Not bone-chilling but with temps in the low 40’s and the Sun basically hidden in the downtown area, it was a bit uncomfortable. In the past couple of years, the cold hadn’t really settled in until close to Thanksgiving.

The other difference is that when it was all done, the lass and the Wife met up with some friends to take an art class at one of the shops. The Wife had set it up awhile back. This art shop supplies all the materials, instruction and food! They went through all the steps for how to paint a cat and a pumpkin. The Wife explained how they started with a pumpkin shape, then added the cat’s head above it. The instruction continued in this way and included mixing colors as well as adding in shading and texture. By the end of the night, the lass and the Wife both had paintings that were recognizable as a cat with a pumpkin.

Which got me to thinking- the Wife voluntarily spent money to get an art lesson with the lass. So there’s some kind of market for that service. What if schools had to slim down and chose to axe the art department in an effort to focus on more core material? Does this serve as an indicator that art could continue to flourish? What if the school system is taking money away from people like this because most parents assume their kids get their fill of art at school? Sure, the Wife found this opportunity and took advantage of it but how many others don’t bother?

I doubt I’ll ever be around to see something like that given an opportunity, but it does serve as food for thought about what other disciplines this could apply to. How about gym classes? Parents could sign their kids up for gymnastics or karate or dance to satisfy a physical activity need.

Broadening our scope significantly, what if “school” was less formal and more a matter of what parents chose to educate their kids in? Perhaps governments could establish rules related to kids needing to get certain educational needs, but it would be up to the parents to figure out how to supply them? Thus, a whole industry could be born whereby knowledgeable people supply instruction in various disciplines. Ideally, in this situation, taxes could be reduced since there is no longer a physical school to maintain. Then, parents would have the spare income to spend on their kids.

The cynic in my realizes that therein lies the rub. Without taxes, the opportunity for graft is greatly reduced. Thus, this sort of arrangement would be widely panned. Still, I kind of like it.

UPDATE: Here are the two paintings. The picture has been cropped to protect the innocent…

image

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The Crankies

“The Crankies” visited the boy this morning. He has to go do a fundraiser with me this morning for Scouts and he didn’t want to. “WHAT?!? You mean I have to go and do fundraisers every day for the rest of my life!?!” he exclaimed when the Wife reminded him. Prior to that, he’d been engaging in other favorite cranky behavior, needlessly antagonizing his sister.

As for the fundraiser, never mind that we do it for about a month-and-a-half out of the year. Never mind that he actually enjoys doing it. Never mind that I’ll spend the remainder of the year trying to make his Scouting experience fun fruitful. Never mind that he only has to work for an hour today (THE HORROR!!) All that seems to matter is it interferes with his busy Saturday and weekend schedule consisting of… nothing.

He loves to poke at the lass when he’s cranky. He’ll intentionally poke her, (nothing hard- just enough to be annoying like only a brother can manage) until she’s literally screaming at him to stop. When he’s called out he accuses her of being a baby and always making a big deal of out nothing. If she gets up, he’ll slide over into her spot on the couch, which he knows will infuriate her when she returns. He also tends to make lots of snide comments about her- subtle put-downs and such that individually aren’t a big deal. But taken together with the steady drip-drip-drip of a leaky faucet add up to more than their constituent parts.

If it isn’t the boy, then it’s the lass who gets “The Crankies.” She tends to exhibit different behaviors. Namely, an out-of-control defiance for everything. Tell her to make her breakfast and she’ll put on a frown, fold her arms across her chest and say “Hmmmph. I’m not hungry.” Ask her to feed the dogs and she’ll repeat the above with the modification that she “always feed the stupid dogs. Why doesn’t my brother ever feed them?” Never mind that he fed them just yesterday.

There is no cure for “The Crankies.” At least, no sure fire cure. Depending on the severity of the affliction, distractions or redirection can work. Sometimes, feigning excitement for something they like can snap them out of it. Other times, getting some food in them fixes things.

Just as often as not, however, nothing works and the only saving grace is that they get dumped at school for the day and we get a reprieve from them for 6 hours or so. It’s a crap shoot whether “The Crankies” are gone by the time they get home.

It’s almost enough to be willing to use them as collateral for renting an iPhone. Although in all likelihood, Apple would be demanding their phone back well before the rental was up.

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A Walk in the Woods

I’d finished up a little archery practice after dinner when the kids cornered me and wanted to know if I’d go on a hike with them. It wasn’t too late, yet. The light was fading fast though as it was close to 6 o’clock. In truth, I really didn’t want to go. I think that, sometimes, I tell them “No” too many times when they want me to do something with them. That’s a funny thing to say considering my situation, but there it is.

Counter-intuitively, that probably makes it easier for me to say it. I’m around them so much that I never want for “kid time.” Most of that time, though, is kind of the family equivalent of “business.” Going to school, picking up from school, meals, going to martial arts, and all the other running around. Doing things that are just fun and frivolous aren’t as frequent anymore.

So, in the end, I took them for a hike.

I grabbed a flashlight and a toothpick (just finished dinner, remember?) and we headed out. There are two ways we could go that don’t involve roads- South and North. South is a short hike that skirts the several neighbors’ backyards and ends near a stream. North takes us to a different part of the stream that we can cross. From there, it’s fields and woods into the next town.

We went North.

“What’s that for?” the boy asked pointing at the flashlight.

“It gets dark quick nowadays,” I replied.

“What’s that for, Dad?” asked the lass about 5 seconds later. She’d lagged behind and caught up. I told her to ask the boy.

The initial part of the hike was through some woods. The path is easy enough to pick out, but there are tall grasses and twiggy brush along the way that is impossible to avoid. There are also downed trees that are easy enough for me to step over. Not so much for the kids. The lass was soon complaining about her legs getting scratched- she’d chosen shorts for her hiking attire. The boy was looking forward to seeing “The Mansion.”

“The Mansion” isn’t really a mansion, but it is a large house. It’s located across the street from us and up a hill. It actually can’t be seen from our house or from the road. But if we hiked far enough the way we were going, we’d be able to get to an elevated point that would allow us to pick out “The Mansion” on the hill. I think I’d mentioned this once before in the boy’s presence. He’d clearly never forgotten and had it in his mind that he’d finally get his chance to see “The Mansion.”

He asked how far we had to go. By this point, we’d come out of the stretch of woods and into our first field. To get to the point where we could see “The Mansion,” we had to cross the stream and continue East. There was a second, longer stretch of woods to pass through and we’d come to another field. Then, we had to go to the other side of that field and we’d be able to view it. I wasn’t so sure it would work out since the light was fading fast, but this was the adventure he had set his mind on. After finishing The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. No dragons though.

We crossed the stream and continued along into the next field. It was a corn field that had already been harvested. Shaved stalks created neat rows and patterns all around us. The lass grabbed the nearest one and proclaimed it “her stalk.” Our first trophy from our adventure, I suppose. The boy was asking questions about how I knew where to go. In spite of her trophy, the lass was getting bored and regretting coming on the hike. She came up and took my hand as we entered the woods on the far side of the field.

I used to bring our oldest dog for walks back here. Back when I still had a normal job and walks in the woods with your dog was a stress relieving adventure. She wood run all over. If I walked 1 mile, she loped 5. She was never out of earshot, though many a time I lost site of her. I’d call and she’d come racing back to check in, then bound off again in search of other things to sniff.

We trudged through the woods. The boy was peppering me with questions about what it was like with the dog back here. Did I have her on a leash? What did she do? Where did she go? Did she come back? Could she follow a scent back to the house? Would she be happy to come back here now?

The trail is over grown from when I used to hike back there. Not so much that it was hard to follow the trail. But enough that the grasses continued to nip at the lass’ legs. The boy’s too. They would take a few steps, then pick a leg up and wipe it with there hand to stop the itching.

The boy was wondering where we were headed now and if we had much farther to go. I told him we were looking for a wall and that we had a ways to go. The field we were heading too is several football fields long, plus the remainder of the hike through the woods. He didn’t complain and the lass just continued to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other.

The wall we were looking for is an old stone wall. Looking at it now, with my new eyes for stone wall construction, I could appreciate that it was a well built wall. Even spacing between stones, a nice flat face and a flat defined top. Someone, at sometime, had taken some care in assembling it. Trees were slowly wrecking it now, though. Either because of trees falling on it or because of roots coming up under it. Attacked from above and below, it was slowly ceding ground. There were also sections that had clearly been dismantled by people who’d decided they need a way to pass through. But the parts that are still intact are a testament to it’s builder.

We walked along the stone wall for the final leg through the woods. This is a gentle uphill stretch that’s a bit tricky due to roots jutting out from the ground. It’s easy to catch a toe and get tripped up. There were also tree limbs that I had trouble dodging. The lass noted “Sometimes it’s better to be short, huh Dad?” She wasn’t wrong. The boy could see the opening to the field and bounded up to it, buoyed by the realization that he was at the final leg of his journey.

The lass and I emerged and she sighed. The field was looooong. Just like I’d told them. The boy had his hands on his knees about 50 yards in. I think he’d run all the way there before realizing he would never be able to sprint across the entire field. The lass griped again about going home. The complaints about the grass were worst for this stretch. Long and thick, it caused there legs to itch on every step. Even the boy finally admitted he should have worn jeans.

The boy was marvelling at how he didn’t feel tired. The lass was wishing she’d eaten more for dinner. Then she asked whether the dog had been this far back and when I told her she had, it seemed to lift her spirits to think of the dog trotting through the field she now trudged through. She like the thought of her being happy and exploring. She kept asking, trying to flesh out all the details of what the dog had done, where she’d gone.

We finally reached the other side of the field and turned around. I could make out a light on the hill, way back across our street. It was well into dusk now, and without that light it would have been hard to see “The Mansion.” As it was, there was little detail that could be discerned. If I hadn’t told the kids that it was a big house that sat there, they’d never have known based on the view.

We stood and admired the view for a bit. The gray clouds in the sky were streaked red from the sunset. The boy noted what looked like a rainbow next to the clouds. Even though he couldn’t really see the house, he didn’t seem disappointed. The lass too, seemed to be in a better mood. Perhaps it was because she knew the next stop would be home.

Still, with the light almost gone, she took my hand for the walk back. She wanted to hold the flashlight, but I declined. When I wouldn’t pass it to her, she asked me to turn it on. I told her “When we get back to the woods. There’s still enough light to walk through field. You wouldn’t want the batteries to run out, would you?” She didn’t push the matter any further.

The walk back seemed quicker than the walk out, in spite of the darkness that descended up on us through the woods. The boy commented on the difference and I tried to explain that when you don’t know where you’re going, you tend to notice everything and it makes time seem longer. But on the return journey, everything is familiar, so you tend to notice less and the time seems to go by quicker.

Along the way, I’d occasionally shine the light into the woods and scan it around. I did the same in the field. Both kids kept wondering what I thought I’d seen.

“Nothing,” I answered.

“Then why do you keep shining the light into the woods?” the boy asked.

“Because if I don’t stop and look, I won’t see anything. Maybe there’s a deer, or a rabbit, or a coyote out there. If I keep shining the light on the trail, that’s all I’ll see. So I stop and look around every now and again, because you never know.”

We walked together through the night. We detoured from our original path as we neared our house. Rather than passing through the woods to get back to there, we went around to the road. This was to benefit the lass, whom didn’t want to deal with the sticks and bushes nipping at her legs anymore. She’d held my hand the whole way, but let it go at the road. We walked with them in front of me so I could light them up with the flashlight for cars to see.

The lass had held onto her corn stalk all the way back to the house and she now tossed it onto the side of the driveway. The journey was over.

Before heading up to take showers, they both said they liked the walk. The lass added that she’d like it better if it had been during the day. They both wanted to do it again someday, they said.

I’ll have to oblige them.

Categories
Family

Spelling Practice

“SUN,” I say to the lass.

She has a list of words she’s working on for spelling. We were taking a couple of minutes for her to practice them. This week, the letter ‘U’ seems to be the focus, as all the words involve that letter.

The lass was sitting on the couch. Upon hearing the word she looks up. She sticks her tongue out for a moment, grimaces, says “SUN…. S.” She now puts both arms back against the couch with her hands up by her ears, shifts her weight to the side and flops over so she is lying on her side on the couch. Then she says “U.” Now, she rolls over onto her belly and stretches her arms down by her side while swimmer-kicking on the arm rest with her feet. Finally, she says “N.” She brings her arms up under her chin and props her head up. Her feet are now kicking back on forth in the air behind her head. This all transpires over about 5 seconds.

She’s now looking at me waiting for the next word.

“RULE,” I say.

She starts by face planting into the couch, followed by pushing herself back up into a sitting position. “R,” she says. Her face is contorted with concentration. She flows from a sitting position to draping herself over the arm rest on the couch, her back on the rest as she stares up at the ceiling. Her hands tap-tap-tap against the wall next to the couch. “U,” she says. Now she rolls back over onto her stomach. She is facing away from me, her feet are closest me while her head is on the opposite side of couch. Again, she pushes herself backwards and up into a kneeling position. “L,” comes next. As she’s doing this her hair is flopping from one spot to the next and she starts playing with it. “E,” she finishes. She stops moving, waiting for the next word.

Things continue like this for the next several words. She snakes all over the couch as she spells her words. Eventually, she rolls off the couch and barely seems to notice. For the final few words, she barrel rolls across the floor saying letters as she goes. She pauses her movement after she completes her spelling. She never does work her way back onto the couch.

I was exhausted by the time her spelling practice was done.

Categories
Family

The Lass Seems to be Turning the Corner

Last week, I worked with the lass on her homework packet. She chose to start at the beginning (perfectly reasonable) which involved writing a paragraph. The assignment was to write a “story” about a bike.

Things started off rough, and went downhill from there. The back of the page, where she thought she had to write the story, didn’t have enough space for a story. She wrote a single sentence and thought she’d finished because she wouldn’t be able to fit more. After that, the weeping started and she didn’t know how to write a story about a “stupid bike.”

Rather than fight her and force her to finish, I steered her towards the rest of the homework. She gradually settled down as the rest consisted of fill-in-the-blank type questions, spelling practice and some math. By the time we’d finished, she only had the bike story to work on and I chose not to push her on that for the rest of the evening. Instead, I tried to give her some ideas to think about. She still had most of the week to figure it out.

The Wife was able to get her to complete the paragraph the next day. Her spelling practice continued and there were no more emotional outbursts over homework for the rest of the week.

We also met with her teacher towards the end of the week to discuss her difficulties. We were most concerned with her attitude towards reading. Reading has been a chore for her and she’s been very resistant to it in any form. She doesn’t want to leave the comfort of her picture books and his suggestion was to not force the issue. We even came up with a ploy to offer to let her read to kindergartners. The Wife and I figured it would appeal to her Mother-hen streak.

Yesterday, she received her latest homework packet and she worked on it without issue. She hasn’t completed it yet because it’s a big packet this week, but she’s completed most of it. There is another writing assignment in it as well. Amusingly, this time the teacher provided a separate page for the paragraph with plenty of space to write her story.

Also, she was excited to tell the Wife that her teacher had asked her if she would like to read to the kindergartners. There was little doubt as to her enthusiasm for the opportunity and she even told the Wife how much she “likes to read.” The Wife did a good job of sounding surprised at such a revelation.

So her current status is a marked improvement in her homework attitude. I suspect there will be future bumps along the way because when it comes to children, nothing comes easy. The fact that she’s on more favorable footing though, is a welcome relief. Now it’s just a matter of helping her build momentum to keep it that way..

Categories
Family

Whimsy

We were heading up to the lass’ dance lessons and the lass was working on an apple. She’d been bugging me for some kind of snack to hold her over until dinner, which wouldn’t be until after her dance lessons were done. I told her to grab an apple. I don’t know why I still have to tell her stuff like that- anytime we have fruit available (which is always) that’s my goto answer for the “Can I have a snack?” query.

Anyway, she’d eaten the lower half of her apple all the way around and she turned to me and asked “Daddy, what does this look like?”

I glanced over and all I saw was a partially eaten apple.

Perhaps it was because my mind was on the road and also thinking ahead to the remainder of my evening. Having to get the boy to his karate lessons, then pick them both up and get them some dinner. Follow that with spelling review and whatever surprises the evening might hold in store and, well, I wasn’t being very creative.

Mostly, though, I think all I saw was a half-eaten apple because I’m an adult.

“I don’t know,” was the lame reply I gave her.

She then held it up in front of herself and said “I think it looks like a parachuter, a mushroom and an umbrella.”

I looked over at her and the apple and thought “She’s right, it does look like any one of those things.”

Whimsy is something that comes naturally to kids. Give them blocks and they’ll create a castle. Stick them in a sand box and they’ll make mountains and chairs and whatever else they can think up. Give them blankets and pillows and they make forts. Give them pencil and paper and only they can explain that thing they just drew with fire coming out of it’s nose and multiple heads.

Kids do stuff like that and they make the world fun. Or if not the world, then at least the moment. Driving along looking at the lass’ half-eaten apple I couldn’t help smiling a little at the silliness of her observations. For all the frustrations that comes with having kids, moments like these have a lot to do with making it worth those frustrations.

Who knows. Maybe, perhaps, I’ll never see an apple the same way.

Categories
Family

The Pot Meets the Kettle

Another week, another homework set for the lass.

She sat down and started working through it. She has spelling words and reading or sight words as well as math and the like.

One of the first pieces of work she started was a short writing assignment. She has to write a story about a bike. She read through the page, thought about it for a few seconds, then turned the page over and started writing her story.

The boy happened by at that time and took a look at what she was doing. Seeing that she was writing her story on the “finished” page, he said without the slightest trace of irony “You should write that on a separate paper first, then copy it onto that page.”

The lass grunted in his general direction. I facepalmed myself so hard I saw stars.